4 Ways to Set Healthy Family Boundaries - From Our Family Therapists

Thanksgiving is about a week away, which marks the beginning of the holiday season and the inevitable family get-togethers. Being around family is a wonderful way to celebrate, but these reunions can be stressful and dysfunctional without clear-cut boundaries in place.

It is important to take the time to establish and respect boundaries within your family, as this will help build a healthy dynamic.

Here are 4 tips to set healthy family boundaries:

1. Identify and communicate your boundaries in advance.

Be direct and clear when expressing what your boundaries are and why they are important to you. This gives your family time to process this information and better respect your needs.

2. Practice being assertive while also being kind.

If someone oversteps your boundaries, you can firmly remind them of your threshold without being confrontational. Your family is more likely to respect your boundaries when you set them in a friendly way.

3. Take a step back when you need to.

When someone crosses the line, remember you have the option to remove yourself from the situation. If confronting or arguing with them is not going to be constructive, do not be afraid to walk away.

4. In the event your boundaries are not respected, prepare your coping skills in advance.

It is better to think up strategies ahead of time and not need them, then to wish you had them later. Coping strategies include going for a walk, taking deep breaths, playing with your pet, and listening to your favorite music.

When we spend time with our loved ones it is important to prioritize your needs and remember that you matter too!

Our Therapists Know, Dads You Matter Too

Dads are typically overlooked when it comes to raising kids, but many of us know that without the great and positive men in our lives, we would just not be who we are. Dating back only a few short decades it was normal to think of the words “Parent” and “Mother” as synonymous.

According to previous social standards, dad’s sole purpose within a family was simply to provide and protect. Mom, on the other hand, was known to be the housekeeper, child-barer, and care taker. Due to this overwhelmingly inaccurate ideal that men were not meant to raise children, there was a stigma, that has since been challenged, that men could not be a stay at home parent or be an active member in the raising of a child.

In the 1970’s, research on fathers and parenting started coming to light. There were studies that showed that there is a direct correlation in paternal parenting to the positive impacts of emotional, social, and education development. It is actually affirmed that fathers spend more time practicing stimulation, playful activity during one-on-one interactions with infants and children than mothers do, increasing the child ability to regulate feelings and behaviors.

Fathers who have a positive involvement in their children’s lives:

• Aid in the well-being and general health of their children.

• Help their children increase self-esteem.

• Help girls to grow up having a more positive opinion of men, making healthy relationships come easily to them in the future compared to those who do not.

• Help boys establish what a great male role model and father figure are for their own future families.

Aside from the facts and the statistics, dads are awesome.

They are the first ones to teach us things like sports and roughhousing. They push you to play your hardest and work your hardest just to be the best version of you that you can be. They have the best (worst) jokes and somehow instinctually know how to rock a barbeque grille the moment their first child is born. There is no car problem they cannot fix and no heart they cannot mend. At the end of the day, we know they are human and maybe sometimes make mistakes, but we love them anyways. Thank you to all the awesome dads out there. We wouldn’t have known what it’s like to have the world’s best hamburger if it wasn’t for you!

Six Ways for a Fun Filled Family Summer

The kids are out of school and you are looking for ways to keep them busy this summer! Taking the summer break to reunite as a family is an excellent opportunity. If you are like most families, not everyone will agree on all the same summer activities. Nevertheless, take the time to vote on family activities that will help make everyone happy!

1. Have a technology free weekend: This is a great way to connect as a family and talk about current events. Make sure everyone (yes, including you) turns in all electronic devices and they are turned off. This will help everyone to communicate, talk, listen and interact with one another. 

2. Find an activity everyone can enjoy: Vote on activities in your city that sound interesting or enjoyable. Pick two or three and go visit/complete them as a family. Take pictures and make it a memorable family bonding opportunity!

3. Exercise as a family: Go out for a walk, run or bike ride as a family. Teach your children that exercising can be fun! Getting into a routine exercising as a family this summer will help continue this routine once school starts. 

4. Relax during a stay-cation: Enjoy some time as a family in your city. Pass the time going around visiting places you already enjoy and reconnect with your city. This can also be economical if you choose to not rent a hotel room for the weekend. 

5. Take a road trip: For those of you with a slightly bigger budget, take the family on the road. Go meet new people, visit new places and eat new food. This is a great way to teach your children about geography and sociology. Use the driving time to talk and learn about one another (make it a game).  

6. Try something new (as a family): A new place, experience and memory helps us to unite. This can help everyone bond and increase the trust among family members. Trying something new does not have to be expensive or risky! Find something everyone can participate in.

Enjoy your summer, it will fly by. Make new memories, improve your relationships and make the most of the kids being home. Remember to have a fun filled family summer!

Eat Dinner as a Family

Many of us live hectic lives and have little to no time to dine together as a family. We have more time to tweet, post on Facebook or text it seems. Less families are putting technology aside and sitting down for dinner while having meaningful conversations. 

Around the dinner table families are able to share stories about their day and gain stronger connections to one another. The time we spend with our children is crucial in their development. They learn social cues, norms and values from modeling our behavior. 

Research also supports that family dinners: decrease childhood obesity, families eat healthier in general, adolescents are less likely to engage in risky behavior, children and adolescents have stronger relationships with their parents. It is also found that children and adolescents also want to spend time as a family eating meals together. 

Eating dinner together is a great way to connect with one another during our busy days! Here is a link for the Family Dinner Challenge, to help you and your family get started in dining together: http://www.thescramble.com/family-dinner-challenge/

Importance of Fathers

Fathers are an important part of a child's development and there is an increasing trend of men being more involved with raising their children. Research has supported how important a father's involvement is in the self esteem, emotional stability, and mental health of a child. Many children who do not have support from their fathers' have been found to have difficulty with psychological adjustment, delinquency and substance abuse. 

Today, more dads spend more time cooking, playing and educating their children. For a child, a father is a male role model and their first example of how a man should act and think. Although, traditionally a mother's role has been seen with up most importance,  the same is true for fathers. Fathers have a special part to play in a family and in a child's development.