How to Communicate Better as a Family - From a Family Therapist

Speaking is just one way that we can effectively tell a person how we feel. By communicating to others what is happening in our body we can gain a sense of empathy, understanding and awareness. Families who have positive communication with each other create a healthy environment for their children and teens.

Now, it is easy to say this, but to practice healthy communication is a hard reality. Most parents are stressed, working endless hours, cooking, cleaning, trying to balance their own lives. It is hard to communicate positively or effectively if our own stress is high.

How can you lower your stress and communicate in a healthier way to your kids and teens?

1. Know that stress happens: Stress can cause a giant breakdown in communication. Knowing your own stress levels can help encourage you to try and relax before starting a conversation. When we are stressed conversations do not flow, we say hurtful things and do not communicate effectively.

2. Model behavior that you would like modeled back: By showing your family how you behave, you are setting them up to copy the way you act. If you yell, become stern or are set off easily. You can expect your kids and teens to follow your lead.

3. If you can not communicate effectively, don’t: It is important to know if you in this very moment can communicate effectively and in a healthy way. If you are not able to, please just take a pause. Take a break, walk around and reset your mind. It is important to take a break if you need to.

4. Listening is also a form of communication: Remember that listening is communication. Yes, sitting, pausing and hearing what someone says to you is communication. This is actually called actively listening and this is an excellent way to hear how your family member is feeling and needs in that moment.

Families that try and work on communicating more effectively can succeed. It is important to be patient with yourself, practice and make an effort. Communication is not easy, specially in our tense world. Regroup, reset and try your best.

The Importance of Family Time - From a Family Therapist

If you live in the modern age and have a family, you know just how hard it is to squeeze in family time. Between practices, recitals, school and work, it is hard to make time for those closest to you. Family time is an excellent way to bond, get to know each other, show each other mutual love and teach your children important social skills.

You may be wondering does family time really do all that?

The simple answer is yes.

Remember we learn through what others do, say and think. Sharing time with our kids creates a safe atmosphere for them to grow and explore. As parents we are that gateway for them. Through sharing experiences we can teach them many life skills necessary to succeed in the real world.

Here are 4 ways that family time can help you and your family:

1. Create a meaningful bond: Families that play together, create lasting bonds. Being able to bond with your children creates a deep and meaningful relationship. This is the relationship you want to form when they are little kids. This way you all can keep bonding, and growing mutual trust. Eventually kids turn to teens, and this bond can help your teen come to you in moments of need.

2. Learn about each other: Spending time as a family can help you get to know each other. Learn your dislikes and likes. The more you know each other, the better your relationships can grow. This also encourages trust and mutual respect.

3. Learn what love is and how to receive it: Teaching your kids about love is fundamental. This can help them set healthy boundaries, improve communication and help them gain healthy life long friends. Show them different love languages and that it is okay to receive love from others as well. Sometimes we learn that we are unworthy of love, this can stunt us developmentally. The more you teach kids about love, the more they will be open to finding it.

4. Increase Social Awareness: While spending time as a family your actions and words are meaningful. Your interactions with others are observed by your kids. If you present yourself in a positive light and have friendly interactions, you are teaching your kids that you are safe, the world is safe and social interactions are safe as well.

Family time is important for all families alike. Our family is a group of people that we learn, grow and share with. Try your best to enjoy each other and cherish memories. These are some of the most important moments of your child and teens life.

5 Reasons to Start Family Therapy

A lot of the time families begin their search for a family therapist with the goal of improving the relationships and overall functioning of the members of the family. Typically, this can include anyone the members identify to be family and/or those who are involved in the issues currently being addressed. Family relationships are full of opportunities to grow. However, a lot of daily stressors could cause us to feel misunderstood by or even disconnected from the people closest to us.

If you’re unsure if you should seek for a family therapist, then here are 5 very good reasons you probably should:

1. Depression, anxiety, or mental illness: If there is even one family member in the family that is experiencing any form of depression, anxiety, or mental illness then there is probably a big likelihood that the rest of the family could also be being affected. You may think that those closest to you don’t notice, but they do and they worry. When this happens within the family, a therapist may be a great person to seek out as they can help teach you ways to navigate many of the situations you may be dealing with. This way, instead of pulling away from one another, the whole family can learn to support one another.

2. Separation or divorce: Divorces are very hard on many families, especially the children. A lot of the time, it feels like things are being turned upside down for not only the children but the parents too. A family therapist can play a very important role in helping you to remain whole and intact even during a separation or divorce.

3. The blended family: In our modern world, creating and even seeing blended families is pretty common. More commonly, when two people come together, it is very likely that they may have children from previous relationships and challenges typically tend to arise. During this time, a family therapist may be vital to help you navigate changes and challenges. They can aid you in creating a safe space for everyone involved and helping you make sure that each child feels loved and supported.

4. Dealing with loss: Loss is a very difficult thing to overcome whether in a family or out of one. There are many emotions such as extreme sadness, anger, guilt or maybe even some relief that someone or something close to us is gone. No matter what stages of grief you and your family are going through, a therapist can definitely aid in the healing process.

5. You live with a teenager: Teenagers are full of drama, hormones, and many emotions. Usually when children reach their teenage years, they feel misunderstood by their families and tend to lash out or even distance themselves. This makes it difficult for communication to flow the way it should within a family. If you feel like you are having a hard time communicating with your teenager, then maybe it's time you schedule a family session that will allow for a therapist to show the family tools that will allow for more open and clear communication.

Family therapy can bring families together. Our therapists are here to help you and your family overcome disagreements and unite you as a family.

Our Therapists Know, Dads You Matter Too

Dads are typically overlooked when it comes to raising kids, but many of us know that without the great and positive men in our lives, we would just not be who we are. Dating back only a few short decades it was normal to think of the words “Parent” and “Mother” as synonymous.

According to previous social standards, dad’s sole purpose within a family was simply to provide and protect. Mom, on the other hand, was known to be the housekeeper, child-barer, and care taker. Due to this overwhelmingly inaccurate ideal that men were not meant to raise children, there was a stigma, that has since been challenged, that men could not be a stay at home parent or be an active member in the raising of a child.

In the 1970’s, research on fathers and parenting started coming to light. There were studies that showed that there is a direct correlation in paternal parenting to the positive impacts of emotional, social, and education development. It is actually affirmed that fathers spend more time practicing stimulation, playful activity during one-on-one interactions with infants and children than mothers do, increasing the child ability to regulate feelings and behaviors.

Fathers who have a positive involvement in their children’s lives:

• Aid in the well-being and general health of their children.

• Help their children increase self-esteem.

• Help girls to grow up having a more positive opinion of men, making healthy relationships come easily to them in the future compared to those who do not.

• Help boys establish what a great male role model and father figure are for their own future families.

Aside from the facts and the statistics, dads are awesome.

They are the first ones to teach us things like sports and roughhousing. They push you to play your hardest and work your hardest just to be the best version of you that you can be. They have the best (worst) jokes and somehow instinctually know how to rock a barbeque grille the moment their first child is born. There is no car problem they cannot fix and no heart they cannot mend. At the end of the day, we know they are human and maybe sometimes make mistakes, but we love them anyways. Thank you to all the awesome dads out there. We wouldn’t have known what it’s like to have the world’s best hamburger if it wasn’t for you!

A Therapist Shares Thoughts on Ways to Love Summer

Aaah, it’s sweet summertime!  Our kids are out of school, or if we don’t have children at home, perhaps we’ve decided to take some time for ourselves this summer. Whether vacationing, stay-cationing, or simply taking some time to relax when we have a moment of peace after work, summertime can be ideal for connecting with oneself again, and refocusing on what is most important to us.  

Summertime can serve as a great time to reconnect with our values, strengthen coping mechanisms, and re-center ourselves. For school aged children, teens, and young adults, summer may serve as the ideal time to begin therapy. Oftentimes when planning for summer we think of all of the most enriching possible activities out there. We register our kids for a great summer camp, and plan educational trips to museums. We plan picnics outside at the beach, and splurge on all access passes to Adventure Island, (anything to beat the scorching Florida heat). We take time to travel, and to be outdoors. What we often overlook during the summer is helping our young ones, and ourselves, to work on our mental health.

The benefits of therapy are innumerable. Research indicates that 75% of individuals who enter therapy show some benefit (APA, 2017). The following are some benefits of attending therapy over the summer as I have identified. Keep in mind that everyone is different, and as you are reading I encourage you to open yourself up to what benefits you could see for yourself of going to therapy.

• Gain coping mechanisms In counseling we cultivate coping mechanisms that will be carried with us far beyond our time in the therapy room. Oftentimes when life throws us barriers, we develop coping mechanisms that don’t serve us. We may not even be aware of what these maladaptive mechanisms are. In therapy we learn to identify our not so helpful coping mechanisms, and to find what is healthy, and what works for us.

• Manage our stress The summer can be an ideal time to take a break from our usual routine, and to work through out stressors with our therapist. The act of going to therapy itself may also serve to reduce stress. Therapy means having regularly scheduled appointments to look forward to for y-o-u.

• Improve our concentration Whether we have a break from responsibilities this summer, or if we are still engaged in school and work, summer can be an excellent time to refocus, and to gain skills to help us concentrate throughout the year.

• Cultivate self-esteem It’s the dreaded time of year again when we get to see the beautiful (beautifully photoshopped) models showing off their tans and their ‘beach bodies’. Rather than focusing on trying to look like the celebrities we see, this summer perhaps we can turn inward to work on cultivating our self-esteem.

• Get a handle on our anxiety and depression Although we often think of wintertime as a time that individuals most often feel depressed and anxious, summertime can often bring those feelings to the forefront of our lives. The extra time off may be a relief, but it may also bring to light feelings we are coping with all year long. In therapy we can gain the skills we need to cope with feelings of anxiety and depression.

• Gaining insight of ourselves Our modern society doesn’t often provide us with opportunity (or time) to take a step back and think about ourselves as individuals. Therapy, for some, may be the first opportunity for a higher level of introspection, and may be an opportunity to feel truly heard and understood by a compassionate listener.

If you or a loved one has been on the fence about when the right time for counseling is, I hope you consider taking time for yourself this summer to find a counselor who is a good fit for you or your loved ones needs. Whether you are reading this post this summer, or if it’s any time of the year, I encourage you to find a clinician who will work alongside you while you work on yourself.

Six Ways for a Fun Filled Family Summer

The kids are out of school and you are looking for ways to keep them busy this summer! Taking the summer break to reunite as a family is an excellent opportunity. If you are like most families, not everyone will agree on all the same summer activities. Nevertheless, take the time to vote on family activities that will help make everyone happy!

1. Have a technology free weekend: This is a great way to connect as a family and talk about current events. Make sure everyone (yes, including you) turns in all electronic devices and they are turned off. This will help everyone to communicate, talk, listen and interact with one another. 

2. Find an activity everyone can enjoy: Vote on activities in your city that sound interesting or enjoyable. Pick two or three and go visit/complete them as a family. Take pictures and make it a memorable family bonding opportunity!

3. Exercise as a family: Go out for a walk, run or bike ride as a family. Teach your children that exercising can be fun! Getting into a routine exercising as a family this summer will help continue this routine once school starts. 

4. Relax during a stay-cation: Enjoy some time as a family in your city. Pass the time going around visiting places you already enjoy and reconnect with your city. This can also be economical if you choose to not rent a hotel room for the weekend. 

5. Take a road trip: For those of you with a slightly bigger budget, take the family on the road. Go meet new people, visit new places and eat new food. This is a great way to teach your children about geography and sociology. Use the driving time to talk and learn about one another (make it a game).  

6. Try something new (as a family): A new place, experience and memory helps us to unite. This can help everyone bond and increase the trust among family members. Trying something new does not have to be expensive or risky! Find something everyone can participate in.

Enjoy your summer, it will fly by. Make new memories, improve your relationships and make the most of the kids being home. Remember to have a fun filled family summer!

Eat Dinner as a Family

Many of us live hectic lives and have little to no time to dine together as a family. We have more time to tweet, post on Facebook or text it seems. Less families are putting technology aside and sitting down for dinner while having meaningful conversations. 

Around the dinner table families are able to share stories about their day and gain stronger connections to one another. The time we spend with our children is crucial in their development. They learn social cues, norms and values from modeling our behavior. 

Research also supports that family dinners: decrease childhood obesity, families eat healthier in general, adolescents are less likely to engage in risky behavior, children and adolescents have stronger relationships with their parents. It is also found that children and adolescents also want to spend time as a family eating meals together. 

Eating dinner together is a great way to connect with one another during our busy days! Here is a link for the Family Dinner Challenge, to help you and your family get started in dining together: http://www.thescramble.com/family-dinner-challenge/

Importance of Fathers

Fathers are an important part of a child's development and there is an increasing trend of men being more involved with raising their children. Research has supported how important a father's involvement is in the self esteem, emotional stability, and mental health of a child. Many children who do not have support from their fathers' have been found to have difficulty with psychological adjustment, delinquency and substance abuse. 

Today, more dads spend more time cooking, playing and educating their children. For a child, a father is a male role model and their first example of how a man should act and think. Although, traditionally a mother's role has been seen with up most importance,  the same is true for fathers. Fathers have a special part to play in a family and in a child's development.