Understanding Trauma: How It Affects the Mind, Body, and Relationships

When many people hear the word "trauma," they often think of major life-threatening events such as natural disasters, serious accidents, combat experiences, or physical assault. While these experiences can certainly be traumatic, trauma is often much broader and more complex than many people realize.

In recent years, mental health professionals have gained a deeper understanding of how trauma affects not only emotional well-being but also physical health, relationships, self-esteem, and daily functioning. Researchers continue to explore the ways that difficult experiences can shape the nervous system, influence behavior, and impact a person's ability to feel safe and connected.

Understanding trauma is an important step toward recognizing its effects and supporting healing.

What Is Trauma?

Trauma is often described as the emotional, psychological, and physiological response to an experience that overwhelms a person's ability to cope. While two people may experience the same event, their responses can be very different. Factors such as age, support systems, previous experiences, temperament, and overall resilience can all influence how an event is processed.

Trauma is not necessarily defined by the event itself but by its impact on the individual.

Examples of potentially traumatic experiences include:

• Physical, emotional, or sexual abuse

• Neglect during childhood

• Domestic violence

• Bullying or social rejection

• Medical procedures or chronic illness

• Sudden loss of a loved one

• Serious accidents or injuries

• Natural disasters

• Community violence

• Witnessing distressing events

• Ongoing family conflict

• Experiences of discrimination or marginalization

Some traumatic experiences occur suddenly, while others develop over time through repeated exposure to stress or adversity.

Acute Trauma, Chronic Trauma, and Complex Trauma

Mental health professionals often describe trauma using different categories.

Acute Trauma

Acute trauma results from a single distressing event. Examples may include a car accident, natural disaster, assault, or sudden loss.

Chronic Trauma

Chronic trauma occurs when an individual experiences ongoing exposure to highly stressful or threatening situations. Examples may include long-term abuse, domestic violence, chronic illness, or prolonged exposure to unsafe environments.

Complex Trauma

Complex trauma often develops when multiple traumatic experiences occur over time, particularly during childhood or within important caregiving relationships. These experiences can affect emotional development, attachment patterns, self-esteem, and the ability to regulate emotions.

Complex trauma may leave lasting effects that continue into adulthood, even when the original circumstances are no longer present.

How Trauma Affects the Brain

Trauma influences the way the brain processes information, detects danger, and stores memories.

One of the brain's primary responsibilities is survival. When a person encounters a perceived threat, the brain activates protective responses designed to keep them safe.

These responses may include:

• Fight

• Flight

• Freeze

• Fawn (people-pleasing or appeasing behaviors)

During traumatic experiences, the brain becomes highly focused on survival. In some cases, memories may be stored differently than ordinary life events. As a result, reminders of the trauma can trigger strong emotional or physical reactions even years later.

Research suggests that trauma can affect areas of the brain involved in:

• Emotional regulation

• Memory processing

• Threat detection

• Decision-making

• Attention and concentration

This helps explain why individuals who have experienced trauma may feel as though their reactions are occurring automatically, even when they logically know they are safe.

The Nervous System and Trauma

Trauma is not solely a psychological experience. It also affects the body's nervous system.

The autonomic nervous system helps regulate bodily functions and responds to perceived danger. After a traumatic event, some individuals remain in a heightened state of alertness long after the threat has passed.

This can lead to symptoms such as:

• Difficulty relaxing

• Feeling constantly "on edge"

• Sleep disturbances

• Increased startle response

• Muscle tension

• Digestive concerns

• Fatigue

• Difficulty concentrating

Others may experience the opposite response, including emotional numbness, disconnection, low motivation, or feelings of shutdown.

These reactions are often adaptive survival responses rather than signs of weakness or personal failure.

Emotional Effects of Trauma

Trauma can influence emotional experiences in many different ways.

Some individuals experience:

• Anxiety

• Fear

• Shame

• Guilt

• Anger

• Sadness

• Irritability

• Emotional overwhelm

Others may struggle to identify or express emotions altogether.

Many trauma survivors report feeling confused by their reactions. They may wonder why certain situations trigger intense emotions or why they continue to struggle years after an event occurred.

Understanding that these reactions are often connected to the nervous system's attempts to maintain safety can help reduce self-judgment and increase self-awareness.

Trauma and Relationships

Trauma frequently affects interpersonal relationships.

When experiences involve betrayal, abandonment, criticism, neglect, or harm from trusted individuals, it can become difficult to feel safe in future relationships.

Some common relationship challenges associated with trauma include:

• Difficulty trusting others

• Fear of rejection

• People-pleasing tendencies

• Difficulty setting boundaries

• Avoidance of intimacy

• Fear of vulnerability

• Sensitivity to conflict

• Challenges with communication

These patterns often develop as protective strategies rather than intentional choices.

For example, someone who learned that conflict was dangerous during childhood may avoid disagreements as an adult. Another person who experienced inconsistent caregiving may become highly sensitive to signs of rejection.

Recognizing these patterns can be an important part of the healing process.

Trauma Can Affect Physical Health

Researchers have increasingly recognized the connection between emotional experiences and physical health.

Trauma may contribute to symptoms such as:

• Chronic headaches

• Digestive issues

• Sleep problems

• Fatigue

• Muscle tension

• Chronic pain

• Changes in appetite

• Increased stress-related health concerns

This does not mean that all physical symptoms are caused by trauma. However, chronic activation of the body's stress response can influence many physiological systems.

The mind and body are deeply interconnected, and healing often involves addressing both.

Healing From Trauma

One of the most important things to understand about trauma is that healing is possible.

Recovery does not necessarily mean forgetting what happened or eliminating all emotional responses. Rather, healing often involves helping the nervous system recognize that the danger has passed and developing new ways of responding to life's challenges.

Many people benefit from:

• Trauma-informed psychotherapy

• Developing emotional regulation skills

• Mindfulness practices

• Building supportive relationships

• Learning healthy boundaries

• Stress management techniques

• Movement and body-based interventions

• Self-compassion practices

Healing often occurs gradually and may look different for each person.

Understanding Trauma Therapy

Trauma therapy is a specialized approach designed to help individuals process difficult experiences while maintaining emotional safety and stability.

Rather than forcing someone to revisit painful memories before they are ready, trauma-informed treatment typically focuses on creating a sense of safety, building coping skills, and supporting nervous system regulation.

Approaches may include:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

• Somatic approaches

• Internal Family Systems (IFS)

• Mindfulness-based interventions

• Attachment-focused therapies

The specific approach depends on the individual's needs, goals, and experiences.

What Are Trauma Intensives?

In addition to traditional weekly therapy, some clinicians offer trauma intensives.

A trauma intensive is an extended therapeutic experience that provides several hours or multiple days of focused treatment. Rather than meeting for a single hour each week, individuals work with a therapist in a more concentrated format.

Trauma intensives have gained popularity because they allow for deeper exploration and processing without the interruptions that can occur between weekly sessions.

While not appropriate for everyone, some individuals find that this format provides:

• More uninterrupted therapeutic time

• Greater continuity in treatment

• Opportunities for deeper reflection

• A focused environment for addressing specific concerns

Trauma intensives are one option among many and should be considered in collaboration with a qualified mental health professional.

Final Thoughts

Trauma is far more common than many people realize, and its effects can extend into nearly every aspect of life. The impact may show up in emotions, physical health, relationships, self-esteem, work performance, or daily stress management.

Fortunately, growing research continues to expand our understanding of trauma and the many pathways available for healing. With education, support, and appropriate therapeutic interventions, individuals can develop greater resilience, improve emotional well-being, and create a stronger sense of safety and connection.

Understanding trauma is not only valuable for those who have experienced it personally. It also helps families, educators, healthcare providers, and communities respond with greater compassion and awareness. As our understanding grows, so does our ability to support healing and recovery for people of all ages.

Why Trauma Is Stored in the Body (Not Just the Mind)

Trauma is not just psychological—it is stored in the body. Learn how somatic therapy and Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) help release trauma and restore nervous system balance.

Trauma Isn’t Just a Memory — It’s a Physical Experience

When people think about trauma, they often assume it lives only in their thoughts or memories. Many believe that if they simply talk about the past enough, they should eventually feel better. However, modern neuroscience and trauma research show something important:

Trauma is not only stored in the mind—it is also stored in the body.

Traumatic experiences can leave lasting imprints on the nervous system, muscles, and stress responses. This is why many people continue to experience symptoms long after the original event has passed.

Common signs trauma may still be stored in the body include:

• Chronic muscle tension

• Anxiety or panic

• Difficulty relaxing

• Digestive issues

• Sleep disturbances

• Emotional numbness

• Hypervigilance or feeling “on edge”

These reactions are not weaknesses or personality flaws. They are the body’s survival mechanisms trying to protect you.

Understanding how trauma lives in the body is the first step toward real healing.

How the Nervous System Stores Trauma

When we experience something overwhelming or threatening, the brain activates the fight, flight, or freeze response. This is controlled by the autonomic nervous system and designed to keep us safe.

In a healthy situation, once the threat passes, the body returns to a calm, regulated state.

However, trauma can interrupt this natural reset process.

Instead of completing the stress response, the body may remain stuck in survival mode. The nervous system continues to react as if danger is still present, even when the environment is safe.

This can look like:

• Constant tension in the shoulders, jaw, or chest

• A racing heart or shallow breathing

• Feeling emotionally disconnected or numb

• Overreacting to small stressors

• Feeling exhausted but unable to relax

The body essentially remembers what the mind may try to forget.

Why Talking About Trauma Isn’t Always Enough

Traditional talk therapy can be incredibly helpful for gaining insight and understanding our experiences. But trauma often lives deeper than thoughts or words.

Many trauma survivors notice that even after they intellectually understand their experiences, their body still reacts.

For example, someone might say:

• “I know I’m safe, but my body doesn’t feel safe.”

• “I understand my trauma, but I still feel anxious all the time.”

• “I keep reacting even when I know nothing is wrong.”

This happens because trauma is stored not only as a story in the brain, but also as sensations, movement patterns, and nervous system responses.

Healing therefore requires approaches that work with both the mind and the body.

This is where somatic trauma therapy becomes powerful.

What Is Somatic Trauma Therapy?

Somatic therapy focuses on the mind-body connection and helps individuals release trauma that is stored in the nervous system.

Instead of only discussing experiences, somatic therapy helps clients become aware of physical sensations, body responses, and patterns of tension.

Through guided techniques, individuals learn how to:

• Regulate their nervous system

• Release stored physical stress

• Reconnect with their bodies

• Develop a sense of internal safety

• Process traumatic experiences without becoming overwhelmed

Somatic therapy does not require reliving trauma in detail. Instead, it allows the body to gradually release stored survival responses in a safe and supportive environment.

Over time, many people notice profound shifts such as:

• Reduced anxiety

• Better sleep

• Improved emotional regulation

• Less physical tension

• Greater sense of calm and control

How Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) Helps the Brain and Body Heal

One powerful approach for resolving trauma is Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART).

ART is an evidence-based therapy that uses eye movements and guided imagery to help the brain process traumatic memories in a new way.

Unlike some trauma therapies that require repeatedly talking through painful experiences, ART works by helping the brain recode how the memory is stored.

This process allows the nervous system to release the distress associated with the trauma.

Benefits of ART therapy may include:

• Rapid reduction in trauma symptoms

• Decreased anxiety and panic

• Relief from intrusive memories

• Reduced physical stress responses

• Improved emotional resilience

Many clients experience noticeable improvement within just a few sessions.

Because ART works with both neurological processing and emotional responses, it aligns well with the understanding that trauma affects both the brain and the body.

Why Trauma Intensives Can Accelerate Healing

While weekly therapy sessions can be helpful, trauma healing often benefits from focused, uninterrupted work.

This is why many people choose trauma therapy intensives.

A trauma intensive allows individuals to spend extended time working through trauma in a structured and supportive environment. Instead of stopping just as the process begins to deepen, clients have the opportunity to stay engaged in the healing work.

Somatic trauma intensives often combine multiple therapeutic approaches such as:

• Somatic therapy techniques

• Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART)

• Nervous system regulation practices

• Trauma processing methods

• Mind-body integration work

These longer sessions create space for deeper breakthroughs and can often accelerate progress that might otherwise take months in traditional therapy.

Clients frequently report feeling lighter, calmer, and more grounded after intensive work.

Healing Trauma Means Healing the Whole Person

Trauma does not just affect our thoughts—it impacts our bodies, our nervous systems, and our sense of safety in the world.

True healing happens when therapy addresses both the psychological and physical aspects of trauma.

By working with the body, therapies like somatic trauma work and Accelerated Resolution Therapy help the nervous system release patterns that may have been stuck for years.

When this happens, people often experience:

• Greater emotional freedom

• Reduced physical stress

• Improved relationships

• Increased resilience

• A renewed sense of safety and connection

Healing is possible—and you do not have to stay stuck in survival mode.

Ready to Begin Your Healing Journey?

If you feel like trauma may still be living in your body, you are not alone—and effective help is available.

Our practice offers somatic trauma therapy and Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) through focused trauma intensives designed to help you heal deeply and efficiently.

If you are ready to move beyond survival mode and reclaim a sense of calm and balance, we invite you to learn more about how these approaches can support your healing journey.

Signs You May Need Trauma Therapy in Florida

Not all trauma is dramatic or obvious.

Many adults searching for trauma therapy in Florida are not reacting to one major event — they are living in chronic stress patterns that never fully resolved. Trauma can come from childhood experiences, medical events, relationship betrayal, loss, or long-term emotional stress.

If you’re wondering whether working with a trauma therapist in Florida could help, here are important signs to consider.

1. You Feel Stuck in Survival Mode

One of the most common signs you may benefit from trauma-informed therapy is feeling like your nervous system never fully relaxes.

You might experience:

• Constant overthinking

• Trouble sleeping

• Muscle tension

• Feeling “on edge”

• Difficulty slowing down

• Always preparing for something to go wrong

This is often called “survival mode” — a state where your body remains in fight-or-flight even when there is no immediate danger.

Trauma therapy in Tampa and throughout Florida increasingly focuses on nervous system regulation. Rather than only talking about events, somatic trauma therapy helps your body feel safe again.

2. Your Emotional Reactions Feel Bigger Than the Situation

Do small disagreements feel overwhelming?
Do you shut down or become reactive quickly?

When trauma is unresolved, the brain can interpret minor stressors as threats. You may logically know you’re safe, yet your body reacts as if you aren’t.

This is especially common in individuals seeking PTSD therapy in Florida, but it can also occur in people who don’t identify their experiences as “trauma.”

Online trauma therapy in Florida can help you learn:

• How to identify triggers

• How to regulate your nervous system

• How to respond instead of react

Healing trauma is not about blaming the past — it’s about building new patterns of safety in the present.

3. You Struggle With Boundaries or People-Pleasing

Many trauma survivors learned early that connection required self-sacrifice.

You might:

• Feel guilty saying no

• Fear disappointing others

• Avoid conflict at all costs

• Take responsibility for other people’s emotions

Attachment wounds often develop in childhood and show up in adult relationships. A trauma therapist in Florida can help you understand how these patterns formed and guide you toward healthier boundaries.

In trauma-informed therapy, we explore not just behaviors — but the nervous system responses underneath them.

4. You Feel Numb, Disconnected, or Emotionally Flat

Trauma does not always look like anxiety.

Sometimes it looks like:

• Emotional numbness

• Feeling disconnected from your body

• Difficulty accessing joy

• Low motivation

• “Going through the motions”

When the nervous system has been overwhelmed for a long time, it may shift into a freeze response. This can feel like depression, burnout, or disconnection.

Online trauma therapy in Florida allows clients to work through these patterns from the comfort of their home, which often increases feelings of safety and regulation.

5. You’ve Tried Traditional Talk Therapy but Still Feel Stuck

Many clients seeking trauma therapy in Tampa or throughout Florida say:

“I understand my patterns, but I still keep repeating them.”

Trauma is not stored only in memory — it is stored in the body and nervous system. That’s why approaches such as:

• Somatic trauma therapy

• Accelerated Resolution Therapy

• EMDR

• Attachment-focused therapy

• Nervous system regulation

• Trauma processing therapies

can create deeper, longer-lasting change.

If you’ve gained insight but not relief, trauma-focused therapy may be the next step.

Is Online Trauma Therapy in Florida Effective?

Yes. Research consistently shows that online trauma therapy can be just as effective as in-person treatment for PTSD, anxiety, and depression.

At Serene Mind Counseling, we provide:

• Trauma therapy in Tampa

• Online trauma therapy throughout Florida

• PTSD therapy

• Therapy for childhood trauma

• Attachment and relationship trauma support

Because we are licensed in Florida, we can serve clients statewide via secure telehealth.

Many trauma survivors actually prefer virtual therapy because being in their own environment increases comfort and emotional safety.

When to Reach Out

If you’re experiencing ongoing stress, emotional reactivity, numbness, or relationship struggles, you do not need to wait for things to get worse before seeking support.

Trauma therapy in Florida is not only for severe PTSD. It is for anyone who feels stuck in patterns shaped by past experiences.

Healing is possible. And you don’t have to do it alone.

If you’re looking for a trauma therapist in Florida — whether in Tampa or through secure online sessions statewide — we invite you to schedule a consultation to see if we’re the right fit.

Navigating the Labyrinth: Unraveling the Stressors of Being a Woman in Today's World

In the dynamic landscape of the 21st century, women continue to face a myriad of challenges that can significantly impact their mental health. From societal expectations to workplace pressures, the stressors women encounter are complex and interconnected.

This blog aims to delve into the multifaceted aspects of being a woman in today's world, examining the unique stressors that contribute to the mental health struggles many women face.

Societal Expectations:

The expectations placed on women can be overwhelming. Society often imposes rigid standards regarding appearance, behavior, and life choices. The pressure to conform to these ideals can lead to a constant sense of inadequacy and self-doubt. The struggle to meet societal expectations can take a toll on mental well-being, contributing to anxiety and depression.

Balancing Act: Work, Family, and Personal Life:

The modern woman is often expected to juggle various roles, including that of a professional, a caregiver, and an individual with personal aspirations. Balancing these roles can be incredibly challenging, leading to feelings of exhaustion and burnout. The constant need to meet conflicting demands may result in a compromised sense of self and increased stress levels.

Gender Inequality:

Despite progress, gender inequality persists in various spheres of life. The wage gap, limited opportunities for career advancement, and societal biases can create a hostile environment for women. The constant battle against gender-based discrimination can cause chronic stress, negatively impacting mental health.

Body Image Pressures:

The media's portrayal of an unrealistic standard of beauty places undue stress on women. From airbrushed magazine covers to social media influencers, women are bombarded with images that can erode self-esteem and trigger body image issues. This societal pressure to meet an idealized version of beauty can contribute to anxiety, depression, and eating disorders.

Reproductive Health Challenges:

Women's reproductive health, including menstrual health, fertility issues, and pregnancy-related challenges, can have a significant impact on mental well-being. The stigma surrounding these topics and the lack of open conversations may contribute to feelings of isolation and distress.

Sexual Harassment and Assault:

The pervasive issue of sexual harassment and assault adds an additional layer of stress for women. Fear, shame, and trauma associated with these experiences can lead to long-term mental health consequences. The #MeToo movement has shed light on the prevalence of such incidents, but the aftermath continues to affect the mental health of survivors.

Being a woman in today's world comes with a unique set of stressors that can have profound implications for mental health. It is crucial to acknowledge and address these challenges to foster a more supportive and inclusive society. Open conversations, destigmatization of mental health issues, and advocacy for gender equality are essential steps toward creating a world where women can navigate their lives with resilience and well-being.

Our Therapists Know Infertility Is Isolating, You are Not Alone

Wanting to be a parent and not being able to is one of the most challenging emotions we can experience as a person. The longing to have a baby is made much harder during the month of May. This is a month dedicated to moms everywhere, and it just adds to the reminder of something we can not yet have.

These circumstances are all challenging. To be consistently longing for something that feels unattainable is exhausting and takes energy and anguish. On top of that, you have family members, friends, and neighbors asking questions about your lack of children or timing or your life. They all seem to be saying the wrong things and you’re not sure why they just don’t understand. 

You are not alone. 1 in 8 women struggle with infertility.

How can these conversations get easier? Myths and stigma can be reasons why individuals still struggle with the idea of infertility.

According to the National Association of Infertility, here are some common examples:

Myth: Infertility is a women’s problem.

Truth: This is untrue. It surprises most people to learn that infertility is a female problem in 35% of the cases, a male problem in 35% of the cases, a combined problem of the couple in 20% of cases, and unexplained in 10% of cases. It is essential that both the man and the woman be evaluated during an infertility work-up.

Myth: Don’t worry so much — it just takes time. You’ll get pregnant if you’re just patient.

Truth: Infertility is a medical problem that may be treated. At least 50% of those who complete an infertility evaluation will respond to treatment with a successful pregnancy. Some infertility problems respond with higher or lower success rates. Those who do not seek help have a “spontaneous cure rate” of about 5% after a year of infertility.

Myth: Why don’t you just forget it and adopt? After all, there are so many babies out there who need homes!

Truth: For many, adoption is a happy resolution to infertility. However, most people explore medical treatment for infertility prior to considering adoption. In addition, traditional adoption options have changed, and adoption can be more costly and time-consuming than expected. It is, however, still possible to adopt the healthy baby of your dreams. There are also many older children and children with special needs available for adoption.

Myth: Maybe you two are doing something wrong!

Truth: Infertility is medical and not do to sexual dysfunction.

So, now that we have covered some common misconceptions and myths, we can tackle how to handle the situation when someone you know is struggling with this.

Some important takeaways to be more aware and empathetic of while discussing someone’s infertility can be as follows: 

Do not minimize their emotions and struggle.

Ways people often minimize the struggles that a woman dealing with infertility may face would be telling them to relax, complaining over your struggles as a parent like sleep deprivation and busy schedules, expressing that there are “worse things that could happen,” or being crude and offering up inappropriate opinions to a person who is vulnerable. Though you may make these comments trying to sympathize or provide support, they are often not received with that same intent. 

Support their decision to stop treatment. 

Fertility treatment is difficult and time consuming. No one is going to continue doing it forever. It is likely that the couple’s decision to stop was hard enough as it is, it would not be helpful for them to feel judged or pressured in the process. This often leads down the path of adoption. Do not discourage them from adopting but on this same end, do not pressure them toward adoption. Ultimately, the way they wish to pursue their future family does not have much to do with you, and does have everything to do with them- let them make choices on their own. 

And finally, remember them on Mother’s day. 

On Mother’s Day we are often bombarded with a barrage of images, videos, cards, commercials, and gifts all dedicated toward mothers. Though we should not ignore the responsibilities and pressures a mother faces, it is a painful time for those who cannot become mothers. No matter if including them means sending them a card to let them know you are thinking of them or stopping by to be a support system, they will appreciate not being forgotten. 

Source and for more information, please read more at: https://resolve.org/support/for-friends-and-family/

Infertility Does Not Define You - A Therapy Perspective

1 in 8 couples will have trouble conceiving a baby, that means 1 in 8 of your family members and friend group. That is too many people to even count, yet why do we feel all alone when we can not grow our family? Instead of talking, sharing and learning to empower each other we create guilt, fear and shame that does not allow us to grow. Infertility does not have to define you or hold you back, your worth is not based on your ability to have a baby.

So what is infertility?

According to the Office of Women’s Health, for women under the age of 35, infertility is defined by not being able to get pregnant after one year of trying. If you are over the age of 35, it is categorized by 6 months of trying. In the United Sates, about 10% of women between the ages of 15-44 have difficulty getting pregnant or staying pregnant according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention.

Here are some common Misconceptions about infertility:

It is the woman’s fault.

This is not always the case. In fact, about 1/3 of infertility cases are due to maternal factors and 1/3 are due to paternal factors. The other third of problems regarding infertility are unknown or caused by a mixture of both.

Most people can conceive whenever they want.

In fact, according to the Fertility Specialist Medical group, it is normal for even two perfectly healthy, fertile people to try for a few months to get pregnant. Over five million Americans of child bearing age have some sort of issues with fertility in their lifetime.

Infertility means you cannot have a child.

Infertility only means that you have been unsuccessful in conceiving a child naturally after one year of trying. In today’s society, with the help of modern medicine, the majority of people who seek help and are given the proper treatment do go on the have children.

Now, because infertility is typically a private thing, you may not know that your sister, cousin, friend, brother, aunt, uncle, niece or nephew is struggling with the stress of not being able to conceive. Therefore, it is important that we stay impartial to those who may be having a hard time.

There is no reason to place stress on couples to grow their family.

Questions like, “So, when should we be expecting a new member?” or “You’ve been together for a while, why haven’t you gotten pregnant yet?” can be extremely painful questions.

Parenthood is a transition into adult life for men and women individually, as well as a couple. Being unable to have a child can lead to serious negative emotions like anxiety, depression, and anger which can ultimately lead into marital problems and social isolation.

Couples that are going through this may feel burdened by the ideas of stigmatization and diminishing self-esteem. This is why empathy is so important.

If someone you know reaches out to you about their struggles with infertility, here are a few things you should NOT do:

Offer recommendations.

Unless you are an expert on the subject, chances are you will offer the same advice google did, which can be extremely stressful and redundant. Sometimes offering an ear is the best you can do.

Be overly expressive about your own pregnancy.

Although it is great for you to be excited for yourself, this is sensitive for others. If you know someone who is dealing with this, it may be difficult for you to share your good news with them. If they are your friend, you can still tell them, just in a more sensitive manner. Instead of bursting with joy over the phone, maybe reach out over dinner and casually let them know, including the fact that you do not want to upset them but rather keep them in the loop.

Be dismissive.

Saying things like “It will work itself out.” Or “You’re still so young!” can make someone feel as though their feelings are inadequate. Instead, offer support and let them know you are around to help if they ever need it.

Just remember, you don’t always know what is going on behind closed doors. You don’t always know what people are battling. Be cautious with what you say to couples who do not have children (or are trying for a second) and try to just listen.