3 Ways to Build Connections with Your Teen

Teens are a unique group of people and they wanted to be treated as such. It can be difficult to connect with your children once they reach adolescence. They naturally crave more independence and want to find an identity outside of their parents; with that, teens are feeling bigger emotions that can cause them to be more distant, agitated, or isolated. All of this is normal but finding reconnection with them through one of the most developmental times in their life can be pivotal in their development as a person. Ideally, we want our children to come to us with any questions, concerns, or thoughts they can’t fully understand on their own and be a safe space for them.

Here are some ways you can help reconnect and build a better relationship with your teens:

1.Open Up About Yourself

Your teen wants to know about you. How much did you really know about your parents as a teen? How much of that information did you get from them or was it from family members and their friends? It can be a very connecting experience to talk to your kids about who you are outside of “mom” or “dad”. Talk about experiences from high school, college, and early adulthood; things they can relate to or might be going through currently. Once we can humanize ourselves to our children and see each other as real people and not just an authority figure over them, you can connect on a deeper level.

2. Find a hobby you both like

Bonding over a like interest is a great way to encourage communication and connection. Whether it is something you both choose or something they already like that you might too, finding hobbies is a great way to connect with anyone in your life. Though teens might act like they are disinterested by everything, they’re not. It’s just a matter of finding the right activity they enjoy and are willing to do with you. Having a hobby, you do with them even just once a month can be a great time to connect and build trust in one another.

3. Knowing How to Handle Our Emotions

We model our behavior to our teens and they learn from us. Inevitably, teens will mess up; how we handle those mess ups can be detrimental in how teens will manage them later. Are we meeting them with shame and hostility? Or are we meeting them with empathy and compassion? If your emotions are always all over the place and anger is your first response to mess ups, it probably won’t be anything new for your teen. Screaming and yelling likely won’t get the desired effects we are looking for but only make teens retreat and hide things later.

Emotional dysregulation often comes from a place of anxiety. If we can get our general daily anxieties under control through things like selfcare, therapy, or medication, if necessary, we can manage our life stressors with better coping skills and compassion. This will all help how we react to our teens mess ups and impact when and how the tell us they messed up or are thinking of doing something you might disapprove of.

It is a process to rebuild connection with teens and these things do not happen overnight. Don’t be discouraged if they aren’t receptive at first, just keep trying! It will become easier over time. Connections and meaningful relationships take months to develop and consistency is key.

Do you or your teen struggle to connect with each other? Have you thought about teen counseling, counseling for yourself or family therapy? We can help in all these therapy realms. Our therapists would love to support you.

Our Counselors Send All New Mommies Love

The things we “forget” to talk about as new moms:

Moms have a lot on their plate and soon-to-be moms are no exception. There are a lot of things that we just don’t talk about when it comes to motherhood, pregnancy, and childbirth. But, why? Why is it so difficult for us to have conversations about these things? Where are these unwritten rules that we should let a mother figure this all out on her own?

It is important to expend all of our efforts in helping every mother be the best version of themselves. After all, this new journey is no walk in the park. Being a mom is hard work and the more help you get, the better off you, your mental health, and your baby will be.

Here are important concepts moms wish they would have known before they became pregnant:

Postpartum Depression and Anxiety are real and are not Baby Blues.

Research is now proving that if you have untreated depression or anxiety or a predisposition to depression or anxiety to seek therapy as a precaution. The chances of depression or anxiety returning during your prenatal or postpartum stages are high. Make sure you are in touch with your thoughts and recognize that feelings of sadness, guilt, loneliness and fatigue are related to depression. As well as thoughts related to past negative events and loss of pleasure in things you would typically enjoy. Also, be attentive to negative what if scenario thoughts related to parenting and motherhood. Feelings of extreme fear, worry or panic are also a red flag.

Your body will never be the same.

One new mom stated, “you look at yourself in the mirror one day and you are a normal woman, the next day you are growing a human being inside you. Then, you’re a mother with stretch marks and saggy skin. I know it’s a beautiful and incredible thing, but I wish looking myself in the mirror to tell myself ‘It’s okay. It will all be okay.’ was something someone could have prepared me for. No matter how strong you are, it is something that is a true battle.”

Some women struggle with self-image, others struggle with loneliness, being left alone for significant amounts of time with the baby when their significant other goes back to work. It is important to know that these feelings are normal. It is important to know you are not alone and other people go through these feelings.

It is easy to lose touch with your significant other.

All of a sudden the dynamic changes. No more late-nights and parties, all of a sudden your whole world revolves around a baby. Your significant other now sees you in a way they never have before, having to help you go to the bathroom and having leaky breasts. These are not things either of you have experienced so it’s normal to want to push them away or reevaluate the dynamic you once had. It’s important to give yourselves time as a couple to reconnect and find time to remember why you fell in love in the first place.

Taking time for yourselves does not make you a bad parent, it allows you to keep a healthy relationship and loving environment for your new addition.

Even though you may have heard about these things before you experience them, you still may not be prepared when the time comes. Talking about it can help you better prepare for the changes you are about to encounter. Mama, you are never alone.

Our Therapists Confirm, Self Care is Not Selfish

We never stop. As women we are always on the go, cooking, cleaning, working, doing. We forget that taking care of others, includes taking care of ourselves. Our own guilt plays a role in how much we do and how little we stop to think about us.

Self care is not selfish. 

Self care is necessary.

We can not expect our minds, bodies and souls to keep functioning if we do not take a moment to unplug. In a world of instant gratification in which everything is at our finger tips, it is ironic that we do not find a way to stop and just relax.

Imagine if we reset and took a moment everyday to practice a self care routine? What are some ways you can self-care today?

1. Turn off your phone

2. Walk outside

3. Sit in sunlight

4. Meditate

5. Eat a healthy snack

6. Try a magnesium salt bath

7. Treat yourself to a massage

Practicing self care is a way we show ourselves love, gratitude and appreciation. Lets face it, if we loved ourselves more, we would have an easier time in our roles as wives, mothers, sisters, aunts, grandmothers, students, colleagues, bosses and friends. Self care is self love and that is the greatest gift you can ever give yourself.