How to Communicate Better as a Family - From a Family Therapist

Speaking is just one way that we can effectively tell a person how we feel. By communicating to others what is happening in our body we can gain a sense of empathy, understanding and awareness. Families who have positive communication with each other create a healthy environment for their children and teens.

Now, it is easy to say this, but to practice healthy communication is a hard reality. Most parents are stressed, working endless hours, cooking, cleaning, trying to balance their own lives. It is hard to communicate positively or effectively if our own stress is high.

How can you lower your stress and communicate in a healthier way to your kids and teens?

1. Know that stress happens: Stress can cause a giant breakdown in communication. Knowing your own stress levels can help encourage you to try and relax before starting a conversation. When we are stressed conversations do not flow, we say hurtful things and do not communicate effectively.

2. Model behavior that you would like modeled back: By showing your family how you behave, you are setting them up to copy the way you act. If you yell, become stern or are set off easily. You can expect your kids and teens to follow your lead.

3. If you can not communicate effectively, don’t: It is important to know if you in this very moment can communicate effectively and in a healthy way. If you are not able to, please just take a pause. Take a break, walk around and reset your mind. It is important to take a break if you need to.

4. Listening is also a form of communication: Remember that listening is communication. Yes, sitting, pausing and hearing what someone says to you is communication. This is actually called actively listening and this is an excellent way to hear how your family member is feeling and needs in that moment.

Families that try and work on communicating more effectively can succeed. It is important to be patient with yourself, practice and make an effort. Communication is not easy, specially in our tense world. Regroup, reset and try your best.

The Importance of Family Time - From a Family Therapist

If you live in the modern age and have a family, you know just how hard it is to squeeze in family time. Between practices, recitals, school and work, it is hard to make time for those closest to you. Family time is an excellent way to bond, get to know each other, show each other mutual love and teach your children important social skills.

You may be wondering does family time really do all that?

The simple answer is yes.

Remember we learn through what others do, say and think. Sharing time with our kids creates a safe atmosphere for them to grow and explore. As parents we are that gateway for them. Through sharing experiences we can teach them many life skills necessary to succeed in the real world.

Here are 4 ways that family time can help you and your family:

1. Create a meaningful bond: Families that play together, create lasting bonds. Being able to bond with your children creates a deep and meaningful relationship. This is the relationship you want to form when they are little kids. This way you all can keep bonding, and growing mutual trust. Eventually kids turn to teens, and this bond can help your teen come to you in moments of need.

2. Learn about each other: Spending time as a family can help you get to know each other. Learn your dislikes and likes. The more you know each other, the better your relationships can grow. This also encourages trust and mutual respect.

3. Learn what love is and how to receive it: Teaching your kids about love is fundamental. This can help them set healthy boundaries, improve communication and help them gain healthy life long friends. Show them different love languages and that it is okay to receive love from others as well. Sometimes we learn that we are unworthy of love, this can stunt us developmentally. The more you teach kids about love, the more they will be open to finding it.

4. Increase Social Awareness: While spending time as a family your actions and words are meaningful. Your interactions with others are observed by your kids. If you present yourself in a positive light and have friendly interactions, you are teaching your kids that you are safe, the world is safe and social interactions are safe as well.

Family time is important for all families alike. Our family is a group of people that we learn, grow and share with. Try your best to enjoy each other and cherish memories. These are some of the most important moments of your child and teens life.

Therapist Approved: Back to School Survival Guide for Parents

It is the most wonderful time of year for parents everywhere, back to school month is here! As happy as you may feel, your child or teen may not feel exactly the same. So how do you know if your child or teen has anxieties that are typical or severe?

Here are some questions to ask yourself about your child or teen, before overwhelming yourself with back to school anxiety: 

1. Is your child or teen having nightmares, difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep? 

2. Are they complaining of frequent stomach aches or an upset stomach?

3. Have they distanced themselves from you or loved ones? 

4. Are they frequently practicing obsessive behaviors to help them increase a sense of control?

5. Do they speak negatively about themselves and the world around them? 

6. Do they view the world in extremes, can everything only be right or wrong?

7. Are they making frequent illogical decisions? 

8. Are they having difficulty communicating emotions and do they avoid their emotions all together? 

9. Are they having difficulty concentrating, focusing or is their mind going blank? 

10. Have they been feeling overly worried or anxious for at least six months? 

If you feel your child or teen may have anxiety talk to them first. Discuss how they feel and ask them if they would like help, just because they want to talk to a professional does not mean something is wrong with them. Reassure them and be supportive. Talking to someone just means, I am reaching out, I want to be understood and I want to improve. Help your child and your teen by searching for a professional that would be a best fit for them. Not every therapist is alike, just as not every child, teen or family are alike. 

10 Tips for Parenting Kids with ADHD

1. Organize yourself: Place backpacks, clothing and toys in the same place everyday 

2. Avoid becoming distracted: Do not turn on the TV, MP3 or computer while completing another task 

3. Limit your choices: Offer children a choice between no more than two items (food, clothing, toy...) 

4. Communicate tasks as simple as possible: Use clear, brief and concise directions 

5. Have a reward system: Use charts and list realistic attainable goals and track positive behavior

6. Discipline effectively: Do not use spanking or yelling, instead have limited timeouts and remove privileges as a consequence 

7. Have a routine: Follow the most similar structure daily 

8. Use positive language: Tell your child what you want them to do, not what you want them to not do 

9.  Do not blame: Blaming children will negatively impact their self esteem 

10. Be hands on: Have fun, play outside and save some time during the day for just your child (no distractions) 

Be a Consistent Parent

Consistency is one of the many tools that parents need to carry in their tool box. Children need a structured and safe environment to grow in. Having parents who are consistent with rules, rewards and punishments helps to instill desired behavior in children. When children learn to predict a behavior has a consequence and this consequence is ALWAYS enforced, the child will grasp the idea that consequences do exist as a result of my behavior. 

It becomes confusing to children when mommy and daddy are both enforcing different rules or have a separate set of punishments all together. This confusion in children can cause an uproar of protest and rebellion may follow. As parents we have the responsibility to sit with each other and agree on a consistent parenting method for the benefit of our children. If a child can feel safe and predict outcomes in his/her environment it will reduce unwanted behavior; increase self esteem and responsibility.