Be a Consistent Parent

Consistency is one of the many tools that parents need to carry in their tool box. Children need a structured and safe environment to grow in. Having parents who are consistent with rules, rewards and punishments helps to instill desired behavior in children. When children learn to predict a behavior has a consequence and this consequence is ALWAYS enforced, the child will grasp the idea that consequences do exist as a result of my behavior. 

It becomes confusing to children when mommy and daddy are both enforcing different rules or have a separate set of punishments all together. This confusion in children can cause an uproar of protest and rebellion may follow. As parents we have the responsibility to sit with each other and agree on a consistent parenting method for the benefit of our children. If a child can feel safe and predict outcomes in his/her environment it will reduce unwanted behavior; increase self esteem and responsibility. 

PMS vs. PDD

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders 5 (the updated guide mental health professionals use in diagnosing mental health disorders) is now out! A controversial disorder that is new to this edition is Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. This is a disorder specific to women that is said to appear in women prior to a menstrual cycle. It includes symptoms of moodiness, edginess, cramps and feeling bloated. Most of us would define this as PMS!

So why is it now a disorder and do I have this? Experts are saying Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder is not equivalent to PMS and is much more severe. In order for a woman to be diagnosed with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder she must have five of the following symptoms for at least a year (* with at least one of these symptoms included):

Irritability*
Mood swings*
Loss of interest in activities
Difficulty concentrating
Lack of energy
Depressed mood or hopelessness*
Tension or anxiety*
Sleep changes
Appetite changes
Feeling out of control or overwhelmed
Physical symptoms, such as bloating

Although Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder is not PMS, it is easy to see how we can jump to conclusions and feel targeted as women. Do not be afraid to research and ask questions about controversial diagnosis, knowledge will help us become more aware and empowered. 

How do you know counseling is for you?

Counseling therapy may be beneficial if you have tried other avenues on your own and have had no success. A problem may be growing out of control, you could be experiencing a loss in interests, you can be feeling on the edge and unpredictable. All these are warning signs that you are not gaining control of your behaviors, thoughts and emotions. 

If your symptoms are becoming worse and you are prolonging contacting a professional, stop and re-think this. A mental health therapist is a professional trained in various therapy modalities who may treat a variety of different symptoms associated with what you are experiencing. Do not be intimidated to ask for help and if you are intimidated, discuss this with your therapist. Asking for help is courageous, and is a sign that you are prepared for personal growth. 

Is your stress unattractive?

A study conducted in Ireland demonstrated participants agreed that people who appear more anxious also appear to look more unattractive. As busy humans we do have a tendency to worry and to have anxiety. Sometimes this worry turns to a catastrophe, we let our anxiety and negative thoughts get bigger than us. How can we stop our anxiety from expanding and help us appear more attractive? 

First, do not surround yourself with other people who have negative energy. We sometimes do not realize our friends and family convey these negative thoughts of anxiety and this adds to our own anxiety. Learn to pick and choose who you surround yourself with. You have control over who you communicate with on a personal basis and you have the right to ask them to please stop this cycle of negative thoughts. 

Worrying irrationally and negative anxiety is created when we tend to live our life as if we were in the past or future. To control your anxiety focus on the present and concentrate on today. Be mindful of things you can control and be aware of your present surroundings. You are the only one who can create a calmer atmosphere for yourself, minimize your anxiety and thus appear more attractive.  

The Bachelor: Is finding true love that easy?

The craze with The Bachelor seems to be never ending and thousands of viewers tune in weekly to watch the drama unfold. Many of us wonder, is finding "true love" that easy? Well for starters, what is "true love?" Many of us believe "true love" is the happily ever after kind of love and our eternal devotion to our partners. However, knowing that the divorce rate in America is between 40% to 50% for your first marriage, we may be looking for the wrong kind of love for the wrong reasons. 

Love and infatuation are two different factors. Infatuation seems to be what The Bachelor loves to show us every week. The butterflies in your stomach, traveling to new exotic places and the lust of wanting each other. The Bachelor does not show us "true love" and it is misleading. We have to remember The Bachelor only films for six weeks, that is barely enough time to form a new habit for most of us, let alone get to know a potential partner. 

The truth is most of us will experience some sort of boredom in our relationship and may want to stray away. How do you overcome this? Step back and focus on you. Ask yourself, what is the real issue within me that I am bringing into our relationship? You will be surprised after some soul searching. You may realize you feel unattractive, you may be stressed at work or your family may be the source of unwanted turmoil. Relationships fluctuate and that is natural, do not let go just because your prince charming (or Bachelor) does not meet your checklist of all your requirements at all times. Be patient and unlike the speedy six weeks of The Bachelor "true love" means "true work."

Exercise to Promote Mental Health

The power of exercise is unique! Exercise helps our mental, emotional and physical well being. As a counselor I ask my clients to take the time to schedule at least 30 minutes of exercise into their busy lives. It is a difficult goal to attain for most but my clients have noticed after about a month to two months a new exercise habit is formed and exercise becomes a natural routine.

Exercise is beneficial in reducing stress and improving your mood. It is a powerful tool for people who need to manage anger, anxiety, depression and even addiction. If you need another motivating factor for exercising and want to run for a helping cause, here is a free app I use to count the miles your run: http://www.charitymiles.org/ This exercise app applies the miles you runs and swaps them for money that is donated to a charity of your choice.

Children Coping with Tragedies

It is important to remember not all children are alike and many children may experience a range of symptoms related to a tragedy. In order to help your child cope you must first understand what your child is feeling, help comfort them and help them feel safe.

Recently the Moore, Oklahoma tornado impacted the lives of many children and families. Parents and teachers were frantic trying to keep themselves calm while trying to instill safety and hope in their children.
After the tornado, children have felt the need to be comforted. Children will ask questions when they are prepared to and as adults it is important that we are aware of this. Do not pressure the child to talk about the event, since that may minimize the willingness of them to talk openly. When answering questions, be honest and age appropriate, as to avoid instilling any unnecessary fear in the child.

As a parent it is important to keep the line of conversation open and inviting to your child. This will provide your child with comfort and reassurance. Do not become an over emotional parent yourself; try to speak to your child with a calm and steady voice. If you openly share your experience with your child this will make you sound more inviting and help build trust in your parent-child relationship.