Relationship Therapists Share: What are the Signs of a Codependent Relationship?

Codependent relationships are more common than we realize. These relationships are not only present in romantic partners; but can also be a dysfunctional dynamic in friendships, parent/child relationships, and even work relationships.

Codependent behaviors generally stem from social childhood or your teen years. Some factors that can contribute to these behaviors are:

- Experiencing abuse

- Having a parent or family member who suffers from an addiction, illness, or other health impairment

- Growing up with a controlling parent or caregiver

- Experiencing abandonment

- Experiencing divorce

- Being bullied as a child

In a codependent relationship, there is a person who is a caretaker and a person who takes advantage of the caretaking behaviors. Both individuals in the relationship are dependent on the behaviors of the other, feeling like they need the other person in their lives to function.

There is a need to be needed for the caretaker, and a need to be taken care of from the other individual in the relationship. There are several indicators that you could possibly be in a codependent relationship.

Here are a few factors to help you determine if you are:

People Pleasing

Putting your needs aside to please your partner or other party in your relationship is a main sign of a codependent relationship. At first, these actions may seem like a loving gesture of compassion, but then start to spiral into an unhealthy habit. The caretaking individual in the relationship often values the opinions of others rather than listening to their own intuition or following their preferences.

They want to make others happy, in fear that others won’t love or even like them anymore if they push back or disagree. Often times, the caretaker does not like to make decisions without the approval and input of the other individual of their codependent relationship, or even others in their lives. People pleasing becomes a currency to be liked or loved by others- needing this affection from others, but especially the other person in the codependent relationship. This stems from the codependent relationship and can start to bleed into other relationships.

Lack of Boundaries

The concept of emotional (and sometimes physical) boundaries can be blurred in codependent relationships. For the caretaking individual, they may feel underappreciated by the other person; yet continue to please them and be mistreated. They may offer consistent unsolicited advice, enable inappropriate or unacceptable behavior, and sometimes even feel responsible for the other person’s actions.

For the individual who takes advantage of the caretaker, they may push the envelope in terms of boundaries. This person is typically aware of the unconditional love and support of the caretaker, so they often feel comfortable mistreating, taking advantage, and disregarding the feelings of the caretaker. Both people in the relationship can fall into a pattern of denial about their behaviors within the relationship.

Self Esteem Challenges

For the caretaking individual, their self-esteem, self-worth, and self- image usually revolves around the assurance, validation, and approval of the other party in the relationship. They lack inner trust and confidence in many cases. There is a great fear of being rejected, disliked, or viewed negatively. Sometimes these feelings evolve and creates a victim mentality. These individuals often do not like to be alone and feel comfort when in the company of others, especially the other half of the codependent relationship.

For the individual who takes advantage of the caretaker, they often have an inflated self- esteem and ego. They feel they are worthy of the consistent caregiving treatment and expect and accept nothing else.

Do you feel like you are in a codependent relationship? Are you looking to break free from the relationship patterns you have found yourself in? At Serene Mind, we are here to help. You can also email us at hello@serenemindpsych.com or give us a call at 813.321.8280 to set up an intake appointment to see if one of our therapists is a good fit for you!

5 Notable Women Who Have Worked to Normalize Mental Health Conversations

In honor of Women’s History Month, today we wanted to shine a light on women who have helped spread awareness of mental health and made a difference in the world. At a time when discussions of mental health are still considered taboo in many communities, it is important to recognize the role that women have played in paving the way for greater acceptance and understanding.

These women have inspired others to seek help, find solace in their stories, and ultimately strive to become their best selves.

Audre Lorde - Audre Lorde was a trailblazing poet, activist, and professor who pioneered conversations around critical topics such as race equity, gender oppression, LGBT rights, class struggles, and more. She also coined the iconic term "self-care." While her artistic and academic achievements were remarkable - she additionally brought to light important discussions about black women’s mental health by openly discussing her battles with depression.

Janice Johnson Dias - the founder of GrassROOTS Community Foundation (GCF), a non-profit organization dedicated to improving the overall health outcomes of girls and women of color in low-income communities. Her work is about fairness and the need to train and develop young women who want to make a difference by investing in them and making their voices and ideas heard.

Brené Brown - For the last two decades, renowned shame researcher Brené Brown has been researching topics such as courage, vulnerability, and empathy. She is praised for her six bestselling books on the New York Times bestseller list and hosts two award-winning podcasts that promote self-acceptance and connecting with people. She has helped many people (especially women) redefine what it means to be perfect.

Cleo Wade - As an artist, poet, and activist hailing from New Orleans, the work of this amazing individual strives to promote kindness, empathy, and equality. Through her books, she offers readers a source of inspiration on how to lead a life with purpose and contentment while also highlighting mental health issues. Moreover, she serves as a mentor for many young people, providing them with support in their journey toward self-love and recognition.

Anastacia Tomson - Dr. Tomson is a proud LGBTQIA+ activist and author based in Cape Town, South Africa. As a transgender woman who specializes in primary care medicine, she provides gender-affirming healthcare services as well as mental health support, with informed consent and respect for individual autonomy at the forefront of her practice. Guided by values that prioritize compassion, inclusiveness, respect, agency, and ethics, Dr. Tomson seeks to make sure everyone has access to quality medical treatment where they can be understood without fear or judgment.

Of course, many more inspirational women deserve recognition; however, we wanted to start by honoring these extraordinary individuals here today. We highly recommend looking into their work to further understand the importance of mental health for All women. 

Our Therapists Confirm, Self Care is Not Selfish

We never stop. As women we are always on the go, cooking, cleaning, working, doing. We forget that taking care of others, includes taking care of ourselves. Our own guilt plays a role in how much we do and how little we stop to think about us.

Self care is not selfish. 

Self care is necessary.

We can not expect our minds, bodies and souls to keep functioning if we do not take a moment to unplug. In a world of instant gratification in which everything is at our finger tips, it is ironic that we do not find a way to stop and just relax.

Imagine if we reset and took a moment everyday to practice a self care routine? What are some ways you can self-care today?

1. Turn off your phone

2. Walk outside

3. Sit in sunlight

4. Meditate

5. Eat a healthy snack

6. Try a magnesium salt bath

7. Treat yourself to a massage

Practicing self care is a way we show ourselves love, gratitude and appreciation. Lets face it, if we loved ourselves more, we would have an easier time in our roles as wives, mothers, sisters, aunts, grandmothers, students, colleagues, bosses and friends. Self care is self love and that is the greatest gift you can ever give yourself.