Helping Teens Build Social Skills: Simple, Powerful Tricks for Parents (Inspired by Dr. Becky’s Approach)
/As a parent, watching your teen struggle socially can feel heartbreaking—and sometimes confusing. Maybe your child comes home withdrawn after school, or maybe they talk about being “left out,” “awkward,” or “weird.” You might want to swoop in with advice, or maybe you feel tempted to fix the problem entirely. But what if the best thing you could do wasn’t about fixing? What if it was about connecting—and gently guiding?
Drawing inspiration from the wise and compassionate lens of psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy, here are simple, powerful tricks you can use to support your teen’s social development while honoring their feelings and inner world.
1. Regulate Yourself First: “Calm is Contagious”
When your teen says, “I have no friends,” it might stir up your own memories of middle school loneliness—or make you panic about their future. Take a breath. Remember, your calm is the foundation for their growth. Responding with “That must feel really hard,” instead of “What? Of course you have friends!” communicates one thing: I’m not afraid of your hard feelings. That sense of emotional safety is key to helping your teen open up and try new things socially.
Dr. Becky-style tip: Validate first, solve later.
2. Model Social Skills at Home (Without Lecturing)
Teens don’t learn social confidence from being told what to do. They learn by seeing it, hearing it, and experiencing it. Start narrating the small moments in your day that involve connection:
“I saw our neighbor this morning and asked how her mom was doing. She really appreciated that.”
“When I was nervous about talking to my boss, I took a breath and reminded myself I’m allowed to ask questions.”
These little “think-alouds” show teens that social interactions aren’t about being perfect—they’re about being human.
3. Practice Scripts and Rehearsals (Casually)
Many teens feel anxious about what to say in conversations. Offering a chance to practice, without pressure, can make a big difference. Try saying:
“Wanna do a little role-play for fun? Pretend I’m the kid you want to sit with at lunch tomorrow.”
Make it light and playful. Let them stumble, laugh, restart. Offer gentle feedback if they ask for it. Practicing in a safe space makes trying it in real life feel less overwhelming.
4. Create “Low-Stakes” Social Opportunities
Not every social opportunity has to be a big sleepover or a packed school dance. In fact, those might feel too intense for some teens. Help your teen find ways to connect through:
Volunteering in small groups
One-on-one outings with a cousin or neighbor
Interest-based clubs (coding, D&D, art, gaming)
Weekly youth groups or structured social skills classes
Start small, and follow your teen’s interests. If they love animals, helping at a shelter might be the perfect entry point.
5. Don’t Shame “Awkward” Behavior—Normalize It
Every teen says or does something socially “off” at times. Instead of correcting or mocking, you can say:
“Oh, that was a little awkward? Yeah, that happens to everyone. I’ve definitely made weird jokes before.”
This reduces the sting and teaches them that awkwardness isn’t fatal—it’s just part of being a person. That mindset makes them braver, not smaller.
6. Help Name Emotions and Body Sensations
Social anxiety often shows up in the body before the mind catches up: racing heart, sweaty palms, nausea. Help your teen get curious about these sensations:
“Sounds like your body was telling you something in that moment. What do you think it was trying to say?”
This builds self-awareness and regulation—skills that make it easier to stay grounded in social settings.
7. Remember: Connection > Correction
The real magic in helping teens grow socially lies in one simple truth: connection is the fertilizer for growth. Your warm presence, your belief in them, and your willingness to listen—those are the things that build confidence. And confidence is what unlocks social courage.
Even if your teen rolls their eyes or shrugs off your suggestions, trust that your presence matters. Keep showing up, not as a coach with a whistle, but as a steady anchor. Your relationship is the training ground for all other relationships they’ll have.
Social skills don’t grow in a vacuum. They grow in relationships—safe, supported, imperfect ones. And as a parent, you don’t need to be a social skills expert. You just need to be a safe base. The rest will come.
