3 Ways to Build Connections with Your Teen

Teens are a unique group of people and they wanted to be treated as such. It can be difficult to connect with your children once they reach adolescence. They naturally crave more independence and want to find an identity outside of their parents; with that, teens are feeling bigger emotions that can cause them to be more distant, agitated, or isolated. All of this is normal but finding reconnection with them through one of the most developmental times in their life can be pivotal in their development as a person. Ideally, we want our children to come to us with any questions, concerns, or thoughts they can’t fully understand on their own and be a safe space for them.

Here are some ways you can help reconnect and build a better relationship with your teens:

1.Open Up About Yourself

Your teen wants to know about you. How much did you really know about your parents as a teen? How much of that information did you get from them or was it from family members and their friends? It can be a very connecting experience to talk to your kids about who you are outside of “mom” or “dad”. Talk about experiences from high school, college, and early adulthood; things they can relate to or might be going through currently. Once we can humanize ourselves to our children and see each other as real people and not just an authority figure over them, you can connect on a deeper level.

2. Find a hobby you both like

Bonding over a like interest is a great way to encourage communication and connection. Whether it is something you both choose or something they already like that you might too, finding hobbies is a great way to connect with anyone in your life. Though teens might act like they are disinterested by everything, they’re not. It’s just a matter of finding the right activity they enjoy and are willing to do with you. Having a hobby, you do with them even just once a month can be a great time to connect and build trust in one another.

3. Knowing How to Handle Our Emotions

We model our behavior to our teens and they learn from us. Inevitably, teens will mess up; how we handle those mess ups can be detrimental in how teens will manage them later. Are we meeting them with shame and hostility? Or are we meeting them with empathy and compassion? If your emotions are always all over the place and anger is your first response to mess ups, it probably won’t be anything new for your teen. Screaming and yelling likely won’t get the desired effects we are looking for but only make teens retreat and hide things later.

Emotional dysregulation often comes from a place of anxiety. If we can get our general daily anxieties under control through things like selfcare, therapy, or medication, if necessary, we can manage our life stressors with better coping skills and compassion. This will all help how we react to our teens mess ups and impact when and how the tell us they messed up or are thinking of doing something you might disapprove of.

It is a process to rebuild connection with teens and these things do not happen overnight. Don’t be discouraged if they aren’t receptive at first, just keep trying! It will become easier over time. Connections and meaningful relationships take months to develop and consistency is key.

Do you or your teen struggle to connect with each other? Have you thought about teen counseling, counseling for yourself or family therapy? We can help in all these therapy realms. Our therapists would love to support you.