4 Ways to Teach Kids Healthy Boundaries

Teaching children boundaries creates a foundation of understanding limits within healthy relationships. By instilling boundaries from a young age with your child, they will learn and build skills to not only respect the boundaries of others but create their own.

Children actually crave boundaries and structure- these foundations help them feel safe and secure.

1) Setting an expectation

When teaching your child about boundaries, set an expectation around the boundary you have in mind. Boundaries and limits can be social, physical, and emotional. Are you wanting to teach your child to refrain from using disrespectful lor vulgar language? Instill that hitting siblings is not tolerated in your home? TV time is limited to 30 minutes a day?

Set an expectation around what boundaries you would like to instill. Try to help your child understand that the boundaries you create are ones that you have decided are appropriate for you. This helps to teach them autonomy and may encourage them to think about what boundaries or limits they may have. Explain to your child what the boundary is and why you have decided it needs to be instilled from your behalf.

2) Instilling a boundary- and sticking to it

Often times, we want to cut our kiddos some slack if boundaries are crossed. We may think that we are being “cool” or even just understanding; but if you let the line be crossed once, it will be crossed again. When setting your expectation, be very clear about how you will stick to the boundaries that you create.

3) Leading and teaching by example

Be open and honest about the personal boundaries you have set in your life for other family and friends. For example, you can explain to your child, “I do not allow people to speak to me in a disrespectful manner. I hope you do not allow that either”. When observing and noticing what boundaries you set in place, this helps a child create a sense of what is acceptable in social situations. Not only are you teaching them how to respect others by instilling boundaries, you are also teaching them how to respect themselves.

4) Instilling consequences that if boundaries are crossed

When discussing the boundaries you would like to instill, explain to your child what the subsequent consequences would be if the boundary is crossed. For example; if your personal boundary is that you do not allow hitting in your household, explain to your child while setting the boundary what the consequence would be so there are no surprises if they were to engage in crossing that boundary. If the event occurs where your child hits you or a sibling, you can revisit the conversation of instilling the boundary, expectation, and consequences; and explain why the consequence will be followed through with. This also ties back to adhering to the boundaries you set in place.

Be sure that the consequence is related to the offense. In this example, if your child hits you or another child in the home, then a consequence would be that they are not allowed to play or be around the person they hit until they can keep their bodies safe. Traditional consequences like taking away toys or electronics seldom work in these situations because the consequences are not related to the offense. You will often see the offense repeated if you take this discipline route.

Instilling boundaries isn’t always easy, but you got this!

Do you feel that therapy would benefit your child? Do you need some more guidance in parenting your child with boundaries? This is a specialty at Serene Mind. Email us at hello@serenemindpsych.com or give us a call at 813.321.8280 to set up an intake appointment to see if one of our therapists is a good fit for you and/or your child.