Relationship Therapists Share: What are the Signs of a Codependent Relationship?

Codependent relationships are more common than we realize. These relationships are not only present in romantic partners; but can also be a dysfunctional dynamic in friendships, parent/child relationships, and even work relationships.

Codependent behaviors generally stem from social childhood or your teen years. Some factors that can contribute to these behaviors are:

- Experiencing abuse

- Having a parent or family member who suffers from an addiction, illness, or other health impairment

- Growing up with a controlling parent or caregiver

- Experiencing abandonment

- Experiencing divorce

- Being bullied as a child

In a codependent relationship, there is a person who is a caretaker and a person who takes advantage of the caretaking behaviors. Both individuals in the relationship are dependent on the behaviors of the other, feeling like they need the other person in their lives to function.

There is a need to be needed for the caretaker, and a need to be taken care of from the other individual in the relationship. There are several indicators that you could possibly be in a codependent relationship.

Here are a few factors to help you determine if you are:

People Pleasing

Putting your needs aside to please your partner or other party in your relationship is a main sign of a codependent relationship. At first, these actions may seem like a loving gesture of compassion, but then start to spiral into an unhealthy habit. The caretaking individual in the relationship often values the opinions of others rather than listening to their own intuition or following their preferences.

They want to make others happy, in fear that others won’t love or even like them anymore if they push back or disagree. Often times, the caretaker does not like to make decisions without the approval and input of the other individual of their codependent relationship, or even others in their lives. People pleasing becomes a currency to be liked or loved by others- needing this affection from others, but especially the other person in the codependent relationship. This stems from the codependent relationship and can start to bleed into other relationships.

Lack of Boundaries

The concept of emotional (and sometimes physical) boundaries can be blurred in codependent relationships. For the caretaking individual, they may feel underappreciated by the other person; yet continue to please them and be mistreated. They may offer consistent unsolicited advice, enable inappropriate or unacceptable behavior, and sometimes even feel responsible for the other person’s actions.

For the individual who takes advantage of the caretaker, they may push the envelope in terms of boundaries. This person is typically aware of the unconditional love and support of the caretaker, so they often feel comfortable mistreating, taking advantage, and disregarding the feelings of the caretaker. Both people in the relationship can fall into a pattern of denial about their behaviors within the relationship.

Self Esteem Challenges

For the caretaking individual, their self-esteem, self-worth, and self- image usually revolves around the assurance, validation, and approval of the other party in the relationship. They lack inner trust and confidence in many cases. There is a great fear of being rejected, disliked, or viewed negatively. Sometimes these feelings evolve and creates a victim mentality. These individuals often do not like to be alone and feel comfort when in the company of others, especially the other half of the codependent relationship.

For the individual who takes advantage of the caretaker, they often have an inflated self- esteem and ego. They feel they are worthy of the consistent caregiving treatment and expect and accept nothing else.

Do you feel like you are in a codependent relationship? Are you looking to break free from the relationship patterns you have found yourself in? At Serene Mind, we are here to help. You can also email us at hello@serenemindpsych.com or give us a call at 813.321.8280 to set up an intake appointment to see if one of our therapists is a good fit for you!

Our Relationship Therapists Share How to Cope with Friendship Breakups

Friendship breakups can feel as heartbreaking and disappointing as romantic splits. Sometimes the paths of our lives start to move in different directions and our friendships evolve. The friendships we create can be for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. We connect with others based on common interests, opinions, and life circumstances.

The endings of these relationships can leave us feeling lost and confused. Friendships can end because of a specific event or issue, or sometimes they can slowly diminish without us even realizing it.

Here are some tips our therapists have put together to aid you in navigating a friendship breakup.

Why Do friendships end?

-Breaking of trust

-Physical or emotional distance

-Difference in views

-Misunderstandings or disagreements

- Unresolved power differential

- Abuse

How to Cope with friendship breakups:

1) Process the relationship dynamic

Give yourself the space and time to honor the relationship and grieve the loss of it going forward. Take the time to evaluate the lessons learned within the friendship and what good came out of the relationship.

These are some questions to sit on and ask yourself when processing the shifting of your friendship. Did the friendship teach you something? Did you subconsciously back out of the relationship, or put in more than the other party? What memories can you look back on and still be fond of? Where can you take accountability in challenges within the relationship? How can you grow and learn from this relationship dynamic so It does not develop in other friendships?

It may feel supportive to process the relationship dynamic with a trusted person like another friend, family member, or professional mental health counselor to help recognize any blind spots that you might be missing in your reflection.

2) Lean into self-care:

Like any breakup or loss in your life, friendship break ups can create feelings of grief, sadness, and even anger. Channel these feelings and energy into yourself care practices. Get out for a walk in nature, listen to your favorite music, treat yourself to your favorite meal. Being extra gentle with yourself when processing the ending of the friendship. It is okay to feel sad, angry, or maybe even resentful for a period of time. This is normal and natural.

When you feel ready, release the emotions that arise in healthy ways that feel safe and nourishing to you. Emotions are motivators and encouragers of movement-allow yourself to move and release the feelings and thoughts that come up that do not serve you.

3) Create space for new friendships:

Have you ever heard the saying, “when one door closes, another opens”? When you create the space for other friends or new friends, these connections have room to grow and blossom.

Dedicate your time and energy into relationships and friendships that feel nourishing during this time. When we put our thought and energy into relationships that have ended, are toxic, or are struggling, we often forget about the relationships that are supportive and healthy for us- and perhaps are even missing opportunities for potential friendships that could start to grow from even the smallest of interactions. If it feels resonate to you, try a new fitness class, neighborhood meet up, or social group- you never know what connections could be waiting for you unless you put forth effort and put yourself out there!

Just like relationships with family, colleagues, and even romantic relationships, break-ups do not have to last forever. Sometimes a “break” is necessary to move and shift within the relationship and taking time and space from a friendship can help heal some of the broken parts within the dynamic. Other times, a friendship breakup is the healthiest decision for all. All of these experiences help us grow as individuals and teaches us lessons on not only how to be a friend to others, but a friend to ourselves.

Are you struggling with a friendship breakup? We have several relationship therapists at Serene Mind who can help you process these transitions and explore these relationship dynamics. If you feel you need support, please feel free to reach out to us at hello@serenemindpysch.com, or call us at 813.321.8280. We are here to help you while you continue on your path!

How to Choose the Best Therapist for You?

Starting the therapeutic process can be intimidating, especially when researching different therapists. There are so many kinds of therapists, counselors, and coaches that can help individuals in many different areas of their lives. Often times it can be difficult to decide which therapist to choose to work with because of the different options available.

Our therapists have created a guide to help make that decision making process easier for you!

1. Create a list of non-negotiables

Are you looking for a therapist with a specific specialization, niche, or focus? Do you want to work with a professional with a particular certification? Are you willing to self-pay, or do you need to utilize your health insurance? Do you like to work with someone in office, or is Telehealth or virtual sessions more appealing to you? Perhaps working with a therapist who shares your race, culture, gender, or religion is important to you. These are some important factors you may want to think about when looking for a therapist that will be a good fit for you. It will be much easier to narrow down your choices on therapy providers when you can jot down a list of characteristics that you would like your therapist to have.

2. Research therapeutic modalities and therapy styles

Prior to starting therapy, many people do not know that there are different styles of therapy that they are able to choose from. In the USA, some popular types of therapy include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), but there is a plethora of different styles that can serve a patient or client depending on their personal views, lifestyle, and presenting concerns. Do some research on the different styles available in your area to see which aligns with you best. Many therapists practice several kinds of therapy

Styles and can curate your treatment plan based on your preferences and interests. Some styles we recommend researching are:

-Adlerian psychology

-Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

-Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

-Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART)

-Person Centered Therapy

-Internal Family Systems

-Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

-Mindfulness-based Therapy (MBCT)

-Narrative Therapy

There are also different specialized therapy modalities that can enhance the talk therapy experience, such as:

-Animal Assisted Therapy

-Art Therapy

-Reiki Therapy

-Neurofeedback therapy

-Ayurveda

-Yoga Therapy

-Movement Therapy

-Music Therapy

-Play Therapy

Incorporating a different therapy modality into your therapy journey can deeply enrich your experience and healing journey. There are so many different kinds of healing work that can appeal and align with anybody-the options are endless!

3. Book an Intake session and Interview Providers

Once you narrow down the type of therapist and therapy style or modality you would like to try, book an intake session with a few of the therapists you think may good a good fit for you. This is a time where you will learn about the provider’s scheduling, payment methods, and practices/policies. You will be able to ask them specific questions pertaining to why you are considering therapy and what you are looking for in a therapist.

You will be able to decide if you like the office environment or feel comfortable in the virtual therapy space. Ask yourself: Is the location convenient now that I am here? Am I comfortable in the office/space I am doing this work?

This is also a time where you will be able to gauge if you and the potential therapist align in what you want your goals to be on your healing journey and if you click.

Rapport is paramount in the therapy relationship- if you feel comfortable with your therapist, your therapy journal will feel resonate and authentic.

Are you beginning to embark on your healing journey? Are you looking to find a therapist that fits your needs?

At Serene Mind, we have several different therapists that practice many different styles and modalities. We pride ourselves in the diverse range of practices we offer, as well as the diverse population we serve. Explore our website to see who our therapists are and what they offer. You can also email us at hello@serenemindpsych.com or give us a call at 813.321.8280 to set up an intake appointment to see if one of our therapists is a good fit for you! Our administrators are skilled in matching the therapist to client based on your needs.

5 Notable Women Who Have Worked to Normalize Mental Health Conversations

In honor of Women’s History Month, today we wanted to shine a light on women who have helped spread awareness of mental health and made a difference in the world. At a time when discussions of mental health are still considered taboo in many communities, it is important to recognize the role that women have played in paving the way for greater acceptance and understanding.

These women have inspired others to seek help, find solace in their stories, and ultimately strive to become their best selves.

Audre Lorde - Audre Lorde was a trailblazing poet, activist, and professor who pioneered conversations around critical topics such as race equity, gender oppression, LGBT rights, class struggles, and more. She also coined the iconic term "self-care." While her artistic and academic achievements were remarkable - she additionally brought to light important discussions about black women’s mental health by openly discussing her battles with depression.

Janice Johnson Dias - the founder of GrassROOTS Community Foundation (GCF), a non-profit organization dedicated to improving the overall health outcomes of girls and women of color in low-income communities. Her work is about fairness and the need to train and develop young women who want to make a difference by investing in them and making their voices and ideas heard.

Brené Brown - For the last two decades, renowned shame researcher Brené Brown has been researching topics such as courage, vulnerability, and empathy. She is praised for her six bestselling books on the New York Times bestseller list and hosts two award-winning podcasts that promote self-acceptance and connecting with people. She has helped many people (especially women) redefine what it means to be perfect.

Cleo Wade - As an artist, poet, and activist hailing from New Orleans, the work of this amazing individual strives to promote kindness, empathy, and equality. Through her books, she offers readers a source of inspiration on how to lead a life with purpose and contentment while also highlighting mental health issues. Moreover, she serves as a mentor for many young people, providing them with support in their journey toward self-love and recognition.

Anastacia Tomson - Dr. Tomson is a proud LGBTQIA+ activist and author based in Cape Town, South Africa. As a transgender woman who specializes in primary care medicine, she provides gender-affirming healthcare services as well as mental health support, with informed consent and respect for individual autonomy at the forefront of her practice. Guided by values that prioritize compassion, inclusiveness, respect, agency, and ethics, Dr. Tomson seeks to make sure everyone has access to quality medical treatment where they can be understood without fear or judgment.

Of course, many more inspirational women deserve recognition; however, we wanted to start by honoring these extraordinary individuals here today. We highly recommend looking into their work to further understand the importance of mental health for All women. 

Body Positivity Summer - A Mental Health Counselor Perspective

It is summer time and summers here in Florida is HOT. They often come with a few hurricanes or tropical storms sprinkled in, so we just want to check in and make sure you're staying safe. 

And as much as we care about your physical well-being, we care about your mental well-being, too. If you’ve been following up along on our instagram, you would see that we are focusing on body positivity and an optimistic mindset. Now, these topics seem great and easy in theory but are often difficult to navigate in our own lives. 

Social media is a huge proponent of social interaction within our generation and this makes the realistic beauty standard feel so high. There are also a variety of other reasons that teens and young adults may struggle with body image while bathing suit season is upon us. According to Mayo Clinic, the most common reasons for low self-esteem are...

• Natural or expected weight gain and other changes caused by puberty

• Peer pressure to look a certain way

• Social media and other media images that promote the ideal body as fit, thin or muscular and encourage users to aspire to unrealistic or unattainable body ideals

• Having a parent who's overly concerned about his or her own weight or his or her child's weight or appearance

• Seeing material in which a teen is seen as a thing for others' sexual use, rather than an independent, thinking person (sexual objectification)

Not only are our bodies supposed to change, mature, and grow, it is healthy for us to do so. Society and generational standards teach us that our bodies should stay the same as it does in high school, forever. This is simply untrue and unrealistic. Men and women alike go through huge changes in their teens and twenties that affect their hormones, their body fat composition, and the obvious appearance changes due to the addition of a baby, in some cases (yes, this affects men’s bodies, too).  

Parental influence also plays a large role in self-confidence and body image. Making sure that the message that is sent to your teens is realistic, accepting, and attainable is so important in creating well-rounded adults with the confidence to make healthy choices on their own. 

These risk factors can create many problems in teens and adolescents that can transpire in their adult lives. Some common effects of poor body image are: 

• Low self-esteem

• Depression

• Nutrition and growth issues

• Eating disorders

• Having a body mass index of 30 or higher (obesity)

It is important to be building the skills necessary to create a body positive environment for yourself, and those around you, to avoid the potentially harmful effects of poor body image. According to the Mayo Clinic, some of the best ways to provide a healthy and safe environment for your child or teen, or even for yourself, is to…

• Set a good example.

  How you accept your body and talk about others' bodies can have a major impact on you and those around you. Remind yourself that you exercise and eat a balanced diet for your health, not just to look a certain way. Also think about what you read and watch as well as the products you buy and the message those choices send.

• Use positive language.

  Rather than talking about physical attributes of yourself or others, praise personal characteristics such as strength, persistence and kindness. Avoid pointing out negative physical attributes in others or yourself. Don't make or allow hurtful nicknames, comments or jokes based on a person's physical characteristics, weight or body shape. It’s just mean. 

• Talk about media messages.

  Social media, movies, television shows and magazines might send the message that only a certain body type or skin color is acceptable and that maintaining an attractive appearance is the most important goal. Even media that encourages being healthy, athletic or fit might depict a narrow body ideal — one that's toned and skinny. Social media and magazine images are also commonly altered. Pay attention to what you are reading, scrolling through or watching and question what you see or hear. Let’s be realistic. 

• Counter negative media messages.

  Expose yourself to individuals who are famous for their achievements — not their appearance. For example, read books or watch movies about inspiring people and their perseverance to overcome challenges.

• Praise achievements.

  Value what you do, rather than what you look like. Look for opportunities to praise effort, skills and achievements in those around you to continue maintaining an overall body positive environment.

• Encourage positive friendships.

  Friends who accept and support you can be a healthy influence. In particular, friends who have healthy relationships with their own bodies can be a positive influence on you too. Find those friends, and do your best to be that friend, for those around you. 

Remember that all bodies are summer bodies, you are allowed to be the person you want to be and love your body for what it is, and you can choose to feel comfortable, just the way you are.

For more information and tips on creating a safe body positive environments for teens, and check our sources, check out this link: https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/tween-and-teen-health/in-depth/healthy-body-image/art-20044668

Therapist’s Share 3 Ways to Treat Yourself this Valentine's Day

With Valentine’s Day quickly approaching, the longing for a significant other becomes overwhelmingly apparent for those of us lacking our “perfect person.” For those of us in a relationship, the pressure of Valentine’s Day can be growing and we may be running to find the “perfect gift.” It is impossible to walk through a retail store without feeling overwhelmed by oversized teddy bears and heart shaped chocolates. It is natural for us to want another half, someone to hold or hug, someone who brings out the best in us.

We all know a perfect first date doesn’t exist, even if we are in a relationship.

How can we make Valentine’s Day About Self-Love?

Movies portray an unrealistic vision of how love really looks like and ultimately forces us to create unhealthy and unnecessary expectations for a potential partner and Valentine’s Day celebration.

So, instead of blindly searching for your person this February, or the perfect gift, I challenge you to find your self-love.

Here are three tips to spend your day in a healthy way:

1. Galentine’s day (or we can call it Palentine’s day for the fellas out there): Have a Valentine’s Day exchange with some of your friends, Secret-Santa style. This time, focus your gifts on self-love: everyone loves a good face mask, scented candles, great book, a gift card to your favorite spa or restaurant.

2. Snag a friend for the day and take advantage of Valentine’s Day deals: A half-off couple massage and discounted dinner for two are definitely some deals to take advantage of. You do not have to be in a relationship to enjoy great discounts.

3. Pamper yourself: Maybe you don’t want to go out, that is totally fine. While others stress about the pressure of planning the most romantic day of the year, you can sit and relax in your bathtub, watching standup comedy or horror movies, while eating your favorite chocolate. Soak in those positive endorphins and focus on you.

Love is everywhere we look, including inside ourselves. Searching in the wrong places will just leave you finding something you were not looking for. By finding and loving ourselves, we attract others who have the same energy. Your Valentine’s Day is what you want to make of it, be positive about your relationship status and focus on the relationship you have with yourself.