5 Ways to Positively Communicate

How can positive communication help you? When we can communicate our thoughts and feelings in an effective and positive manner, it can help boost our confidence and make us happier. Positive communication improves all aspects of our life and can open so many doors in our lives from self-esteem to relationships, to jobs and many other areas of our lives. There are many factors that go into effective communication and some you can implement with just little effort and the right tool.

Here are some ways you can improve your positive communication skills:

Empathy:

The first step in positive communication is empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand and share what others feel. Its important to acknowledge where people come from and why they feel or do certain things that are desirable and undesirable. When communicating with someone to encourage them to make a change saying something like “I understand that that this process is stressful” or “I understand that anxiety is common, and you aren’t alone in this”. Encouraging and understanding language can make your positive communication all the more effective and impact outcomes.

Body language:

Open body language is key in positively communicating. If your arms are crossed or your body is turned away from someone it can already feel like you’re on the defensive or aren’t receptive to what they have to say. Positive body language looks like upright and open posture, keeping your body and head faced towards them, nodding your head in understanding, keeping your palms open, and smiling. Implementing positive body language can make the difference in your communication being effective.

Active Listening:

Are you listening to the words coming out of their mouth so you can respond; or are you taking in what they are saying and taking a second to form your thought and how you want to say it? Knowing the difference and actively trying to do the second can be so incredibly helpful in communicating and taking in information. Many times, we just want to react and say what we’re thinking as quickly as possible, but we might miss vital information or nonverbal communication. Maintaining eye contact, slowing down, taking in information, and thinking before we respond can help improve our positive communication skills.

Staying Away from Negative Terms:

Any words that shut down a conversation or would make someone likely feel defensive or bad about themselves or the situation should be avoided as much as possible. Using would like won’t, don’t, can’t, never, all have a negative connotation that comes with them. Along with this trying to you “I” language can help the other person more receptive to what you’re saying. For example, saying “You don’t do xyz for me” say “I really like when you do xyz and it makes me feel appreciated.” Just making the conscious choice to positively change your wording can make the whole difference in how effective your communication is.

Offer Help:

It can be a daunting task to change what you’ve always done and are comfortable with. When asking someone to change what they are doing you might meet some resistance. Their response might be disappointing or frustrating but it’s something you should be prepared for. Offering help or alternatives can be beneficial in making the task of change more palatable and attainable. This is where meeting others with empathy is helpful, understanding where they come from and why they do things we don’t like can aid in finding ways help them change their actions for the better. If your partner or kids aren’t behaving in a desirable way think about why they might be acting like that. Is something going on at work, school, or home? Do they need help with their routine to become more efficient? Are they struggling with their mental health and are lashing out in other way? Try opening up an ongoing discussion with them in a positive, empathetic, and understanding manner and together you can figure out what needs to change in order to make everyone’s life a little better. This sentiment can be applied to pretty much anything with anyone regardless of if it’s in your personal or work life; sometimes we just need a little help and don’t know how to ask for it.

How Can Love Languages Improve Your Relationship?

We all have love languages that make us feel cared for, respected, and admired. We may have different ones than our partners, or perhaps even the same!

Decoding what the 5 love languages are and how they can be implemented within a relationship can boost your relationship to a whole new level. When understanding how you and your partner interpret love and appreciation, you can try to exercise their preferred love language to help them feel seen, heard, and well, - loved! When practiced frequently, asserting your knowledge of your partner’s love language can deepen your connection and enrich your relationship is several ways. Many expressions of love and intimacy can be considered several love languages in one act or event, which gives you bonus points!

Our therapists weighed in on how to communicate to your partner your love for them using the 5 love languages system.

What are the 5 Love languages?

Physical Touch

There are many ways to express love and admiration through physical touch, such as:

 Hugs

 Kisses

 High-fives

 Arms around shoulders/back/waist

 Holding hands

 Cuddling

 Sexual intimacy

 Physical closeness and touching

Words of Affirmation

Words of affirmation are comments, phrases, and questions that validate, affirm, and acknowledge qualities and characteristics of your partner that are positive. Words of affirmation don’t have to just be physical; they can be comments based on personality, performance, situational topics, and even day-to-day tasks. Some examples can include:

How understanding love languages can improve your relationship

 “Your passion for your work inspires me”

 “You look beautiful in that dress today”

 “It must have taken so much bravery to stand up to your boss. You did a

great job handling that situation”

 “I am proud of what an amazing partner you are”

 “I notice how attentive you are to our children and that means a lot to me”

 “I am so thankful to have you in my life”

 “You really have a knack for decorating. Because of you, our house feels like a home”

 “You always have the best ideas.”

 “You make me want to be a better person”

Acts of Service

Doing a favor, completing a task, helping with a chore or errand- all of these falls under the umbrella of acts of service. Some examples include:

 Completing a task of chore, you don’t particularly enjoy like dishes or laundry

 Planning a surprise birthday party for your partner

 Helping your partner find

 Ironing your partner’s work clothes for the next day or packing their lunch

 Rubbing your partner’s feet (also could be considered quality time or physical touch)

Quality Time

Quality time can look different for many couples. You don’t have to be looking at each other the entire time for it to be considered quality time. Connecting through a shared activity and conversation can ignite intimacy within your relationship. Some examples include:

 Watching a show together

 Taking a new class together

 Playing a game

 Taking a walk

 Going on a trip

How understanding love languages can improve your relationship

 Cuddling

 Cooking dinner

 Having a conversation

Gifts

Birthdays and holidays aren’t the only time you can express love in your relationship. There are so many opportunities for you to be able to shower your loved one with gifts in meaningful ways throughout the year. Gifts don’t have to be grand or expensive, in fact, studies show that small gifts with deep meaning tend to be more attractive to individuals who prefer gifts as their main love language. Some examples of gift giving include:

 Picking up your partner’s favorite flowers on a whim

 Buying a piece of jewelry your partner has had their eyes on for their birthday

 Seeing your partner’s favorite shoes on sale and snagging them

 Buying your partner lunch

Do you feel that couples counseling could benefit your relationship? Do you want to learn more about the 5 Love languages? Do you Do you need extra support in helping your relationship flourish and grow? Couple’s counseling is a specialty at Serene Mind. Email us at hello@serenemindpsych.com or give us a call at 813.321.8280 to set up an intake appointment to see if one of our therapists is a good fit for you and your partner.

Our Couples Therapists Share the Benefits of Couples Counseling

Relationships ebb and flow. Sometimes it helps to get some extra support and insight into your relationship and the challenges a couple encounters on their path together. It is normal and natural to hit roadblocks as a couple. Embarking on a journey of couple’s counseling can be beneficial in so many ways. Couple’s counseling is a supportive and structured therapeutic modality designed to aid couples in navigating the ups and downs every couple faces.

Our therapists believe that these are some of the benefits of couple’s work:

What are the benefits of couple’s counseling?

1) An impartial professional to hold you accountable.

When working with a professional couple’s counselor or therapist, you therapist will provide a safe space for each partner and hold each individual accountable in a supportive, caring, and compassionate way. Your therapist will help you create goals as a couple, identify barriers that you are facing in the relationship, and maintain an unbiased stance on the concerns and issues brought up within sessions. It is imperative that the facilitator of couple’s counseling is unbiased and does not have outside relationships with either person of the relationship they are helping to counsel, to ensure that no one feels that sides are being taken when challenges are brought up within sessions. It is very important that both parts of the couple feel secure with their therapist or counselor and have trust in them.

2) Improve communication skills

A couple’s counselor can help you learn about different. communication styles, how to respond to your partner in a way that supports their communication style, and how to communicate with them in a productive way. Communication is key in relationships- effective communication is paramount in fostering safe, healthy, and loving relationships. Your therapist can provide you with tools and resources to strengthen your communication dynamic within your relationship, as well as your individual communication style. This educational and reflective piece of the work you will do in couple’s counseling will be fruitful in the therapy room as well as your day-to-day interactions with your partner, and in all relationships.

3) Gain a deeper understanding of your relationship dynamic

In couples counseling, you will learn about the different love languages, attachment styles, and how to differentiate empathy versus sympathy. Learning about these important aspects of relationships can help you identify potential challenges or barriers within the foundation of your relationship, as well as how to strengthen it. Couple’s therapists use different therapeutic modalities in each session to help uncover the inner workings of the relationship. Depending on the couple’s style, preferences, and concerns brought to sessions, couple’s counselors are highly skilled in curating a plan that is cohesive, effective, and efficient to help the couple understand their contributions to the relationship, whether those inputs are helpful or hurtful to the relationship.

Do you feel that couples counseling could benefit your relationship? Do you Do you need extra support in helping your relationship flourish and grow? Couple’s counseling is a specialty at Serene Mind. Email us at hello@serenemindpsych.com or give us a call at 813.321.8280 to set up an intake appointment to see if one of our therapists is a good fit for you and your partner.

Helpful Tips for Rebuilding Trust in Relationships: How to Overcome Trust Issues with Couples Counseling

If your partner were to leave for a day without communicating where they went, how would that make you feel? Would you not even consider it, would you be concerned, or would you immediately call them to find out where they are? Regardless of how you navigate the situation, these are all trust-related emotions, and today we want to talk about how to navigate the process of rebuilding trust in relationships.

Trust is an essential ingredient for any flourishing relationship.

Unfortunately, that trust can be damaged for a variety of reasons, such as betrayal, past hurt, and deception. The process of rebuilding shattered trust is difficult but not impossible; all that is required is a commitment from both parties involved.

Here are some helpful tips from the Serene Mind Counseling and Evaluations team for rebuilding trust and easing back into a healthy relationship:

1. Seek Professional Help:

   Couples counseling can provide a safe and supportive environment for couples to address trust issues. A trained therapist can help couples identify the underlying issues that led to the breakdown in trust and provide tools and strategies for rebuilding it. Couples counseling can help partners discover creative solutions to their problems, create healthy boundaries, and strengthen communication overall. Ultimately, it’s up to you and your partner to decide when to take this important first step. 

2. Take Responsibility:

   Rebuilding trust requires both partners to take responsibility for their actions. The partner who has broken trust needs to take ownership of their behavior and express genuine remorse. The other partner needs to be willing to forgive and move forward, if possible, however, give yourself grace in this as this may take a bit of time depending on the situation. This is only possible if both partners feel safe together and commit to rebuilding trust and creating a healthy relationship in the first place.

3. Be Patient:

   We touched on this briefly but rebuilding trust takes time and patience. It's important to be realistic and understand that trust won't be restored overnight. To say it's a process is a HUGE understatement. Couples who really want to make things work should be willing to take the time needed to rebuild trust and work through any issues that may arise.

4. Communicate Effectively:

   Which leads to our last point, communication is key! Partners need to be open and honest with each other about their thoughts, feelings, and concerns. It's important to listen actively and avoid being defensive or judgmental. When conflict arises try your best to make an effort to communicate regularly and check in with each other frequently to ensure you're on the same page. For instance, if you or your partner are dealing with feelings of betrayal after infidelity in a relationship, try setting aside time to talk about the situation, without interruptions or distractions. Use "I" statements to express feelings and avoid blaming or accusing language. For example, the hurt partner may say, "I feel hurt and betrayed by what happened" instead of "You cheated on me and broke my trust." This might feel difficult at first, but over time it will help rebuild the trust that was originally lost.

Rebuilding trust in a relationship can be challenging, and we know your issues and questions about trust will not be resolved just by reading this, but with the help of a trained therapist and a commitment to rebuilding trust, it's very possible for couples to create a healthy and fulfilling relationship together again. 

If you are struggling with trust issues, consider seeking professional help from our team atSerene Mind Counseling and Evaluations. We can give you the help and direction you need to rebuild your relationship in a gentle way. If you live in the Tampa area and are looking for couples counseling, don’t hesitate to contact us. We look forward to hearing from you!

A Side of Love, Forgiveness and Patience - Relationships Matter

You're at your favorite date night restaurant, and you've been looking forward to it all day. You order the salad with dressing on the side and wait patiently as you sip your glass of wine. Finally, the waitress comes over with your delicious salad bowl, and you dive right in! It takes you about a minute to notice...she forgot your dressing. A little dismayed, you flag her down when she's near, and politely let her know. She's is so sorry! She was buzzing around and it simply slipped her mind, she asks that you please forgive her. You tell her it's no big deal at all, you just wanted to remind her. You offer a reassuring smile as she scurries to go get your dressing. Within seconds, it's on the table and you go right back to your meal. It is delicious and you are once again reminded as to why this is your favorite place. 

So why when your significant other doesn't listen to what you're saying or forgets something, are you not as forgiving and friendly as you were with the forgetful waitress?

Surely you love them more than the waitress, so what is keeping you from being just as kind?

Maybe because it's a common thing, and you feel as though you are constantly reminding, and repeating yourself.

If that is the case, ask yourself this: when is the last time someone had to remind me of something?

In today's world, I can guarantee it wasn't that long ago. 

Communication comes in two primary forms. Verbal, and non-verbal. It seems that in times of frustration or stress, many of us remember our verbal communications well, but what about the non-verbal? Have you ever said something was 'okay' with your mouth, but your face and that long sigh said something else? "It's fine, I'll just run to the store myself and get it." You say, as you snatch the keys and shove them in your pocket, marching towards the door.

Body language says everything when your mouth doesn't, and it can be one of the main roadblocks to proper communication. Reactions like this can bring such unnecessary stress into your relationship when one of you feels they have to walk on eggshells and have the memory of an elephant. The solution to this is something that must be practiced, and it involves three words.

Love. Forgiveness. Patience. 

There are many times during our day that I am sure we wish we had more patience. At the minimum, can we try to give our loved ones the same courtesy as we do our waiters and waitresses? All of us know what it is like to be human, and we should try to remember that the next time we say something without saying it. Do we want to be sure that we aren't doing this all for a show, right? Let's not smile through the conversation, and lament in our heads for the rest of the evening. Forgiveness not only releases the person, but it frees you as well from the burden of agonizing over it. The most important of the three is love, and it is my favorite. No matter what, you should always speak to your significant other out of love. This is a great way to keep yourself in check, and in times of frustration, you will be shocked at the results. Their reaction to being spoken to out of love rather than irritation will not only ease them but bring you both happiness in solving the issue together. Try it. Practice it. And be kind to everyone you meet, waitress included! 

Relationship Love Bank

All couples experience disagreements, this is a part of being two different people with emotional needs. What if there was a way to improve your relationships by using the balance of giving and taking everyday? 

You are in luck, there is such a thing! The concept of a "love bank" can be applied to how many times love is deposited and withdrawn from your relationship. Deposits can be compliments, actions, words of kindness, spending time together and positive ways in which you make your partner feel special. The withdrawals on the other hand are harsh, negative criticisms, attacks and insults. In order to maintain a well balanced "love bank" you must have more deposits daily rather than withdrawals. 

Now, what if a withdrawal is made and it is irreparable? This is a possibility with couples who have experienced a trauma, such as infidelity. The couple must decide if the relationship is worth fighting for and if the "love bank" can be once again filled. In this instance couples therapy can assist with the couples decision making to reflect each persons needs. 

Depositing into your own love bank and spending time with your own friends is also necessary for your relationship. Find time for your own interests and take time to connect with yourself outside of your partner. This will help you feel more complete and may lead to wanting to spend more time with your partner after you miss them. 

The "love bank" concept can help couples during negative times. Having increased positive deposits can make you a stronger couple and may make difficult moments more bearable. Depositing positive memories into your relationship "love bank" can help you and your partner feel more emotionally connected.