6 Ways to Overcome Anxiety

Anxiety can feel overwhelming and like there is no relief available. But, there are ways to address and tackle the stress of anxiety.

Here are six ways to help overcome anxiety:

1. Move your body - Exercise, such as walking and yoga, can aid in regulating levels of stress and help you relax. Meditation and calming breathing techniques can also promote relaxation and help to focus your mind.

2. Eat well - Another important part of taking care of your body is making sure you eat a well-balanced and nutritious diet. Incorporating fruits and vegetables into your meals can help you maintain healthy sugar levels which can improve cognitive function.

3. Talk about your feelings - Whether speaking with a trusted friend or family member, speaking with a counselor or utilizing peer counseling groups, talking about your feelings and your particular situation can help you vent and get a different perspective on your situation.

4. Utilize apps - There are many online and mobile apps available that promote well-being and aid in cultivating mindfulness practices. Find a resource that works for you so you can build a routine prioritizing calming practices.

5. Journal - Taking time to reflect on your feelings can help you see patterns in your life. By writing down your thoughts, you can see what triggers your anxiety and can work through solutions.

6. Be gentle with yourself - Try to remember that you are doing your best and allow yourself grace as you navigate through your feelings.

Though anxiety can feel neverending, there are ways to take charge of your feelings and bring a sense of calm back to your life.

What is Anxiety?

Anxiety is an intense, excessive and persistent fear or worry of day-to-day life situations. It can be about a one-off stressful situation or about perceived scenarios that haven’t taken place. Feelings of anxiety can come on at any time, but being aware of some signs of anxiety can keep you aware and alert. 

Here are some signs that you may be experiencing anxiety: 

1. Feeling a sense of impending doom - Anxiety can show up as a feeling that something bad is about to happen even if there are not tangible signs that there is anything to be concerned about. It is a constant feeling of dread, worrying about the what-if’s of everyday life. 

2. Having trouble concentrating - Staying focused on everyday tasks and routines may become difficult during a bout of anxiety. Feeling like your mind is racing and not able to stay connected to reality are all signs that anxiety may be at work. 

3. Feeling restless or unable to fall asleep - When it’s time to fall asleep, anxiety won’t let you get a moment’s peace. Anxiety likes to take all of your attention and can leave you tired and on edge. 

4. Breathing rapidly or increase in heart rate - Physical signs of anxiety can show up as a pounding of the chest or difficulty breathing. With racing thoughts of the mind, the rest of the body can follow suit and take on outward signs of your internal feelings. 

5. Losing your temper or becoming easily irritated - With worry and anxiety constantly on your mind, it may become difficult to control your emotions. Having a short temper or being easily annoyed are two signs that your worry and anxiety are taking the focus of your day to day life. 

Anxiety can show up for many reasons. Understanding some signs of anxiety can help you identify triggers, assess your emotions and work toward improving your relationship with

How Therapists Believe Change is Positive

Every ending has a new beginning. Change does have a bad reputation but change can actually be the introduction to a new chapter. Without change we would be stuck in a constant loop of the sameness, this could feel draining and boring. The only constant in life is change.

Here are some ways change can be positive:

1. Change gives you a new perspective - A new way of completing a task, a different job or moving to a new city are all opportunities for you to figure out how new circumstances play into the values and morals of your life. This is a great way to see what is important to you and helps you to evaluate how change can play into your existing lifestyle, thought patterns and even life goals.

2. Change can help you learn to be flexible - It is easy to fall into set patterns and a routine, but change allows you to become open to new ways of thinking. One small change can open your mind to make changes in other areas of your life.

3. Change can improve your attitude - Sometimes, a change can be just the thing you need to get out of a rut and improve your outlook on life.

4. Change can help you grow - Accepting change is not always easy, but learning to deal with change can help you grow. This in turn can make change become easier to accept and to build confidence in your ability to try something new.

5. Change allows you to reflect on progress - When a change is presented to you, it is a chance to reflect on the past and become excited about the future. Thinking ahead to what you can accomplish when a change is introduced to you is a chance to become renewed by the potential awaiting you.

Change can be a rewarding and exciting experience if we open up our minds to the positive possibilities. Thinking of change as a new opportunity to expand your thinking will help you to look at change in a positive way.

Back to School Ready - From Our Therapists

Having great organizational skills is the key to success! This is the key to having a great school year as well. No one is born being organized, we can all brush up on our skills. The first thing you have to remember is to be patient with yourself while you learn a new routine. Learning takes practice and the more you practice, the easier it will become.

Here are a few tips to get your children (or yourself) ready for the new school year:

1. Use checklists - Using checklists to post assignments, chores or even reminders of what materials your children might need for class is a good habit to have. Purchase a small planner or notebook for your child and dedicate it specifically to listing homework assignments. Once they are done with homework assignments, projects or any other tasks have them cross them off. This list will give them a sense of accomplishment!

2. Break down tasks - By making tasks smaller, we make them more manageable. This makes it easier to feel accomplished, thus boosting our confidence. Use this boost to help you complete the entire project. Baby steps need to be celebrated to increase your motivation to complete your school work.

3. Organize homework assignments - Encourage your child to do their homework assignments in the order that they should be completed. A good way to structure this is by starting with the shortest or “easiest” assignment first and then moving to the longest assignment. Any bigger assignments or projects that aren’t due right away can be worked on in smaller chunks than typical homework assignments.

4. Designate a study space - Having a designated workspace and/or study space allows for consistency. Your child should ultimately have a designated work space for studying and doing homework that is quiet and away from most distractions. Ultimately, having their school supplies and materials nearby would also be best. It would also help for them to have designated study times that aren’t too long.

5. Take breaks - Having time to eat, relax and play are also important in helping us finish assignments. Taking a mental time out from learning and doing things helps us recharge. This is helpful in helping us complete an assignment, think of it as a reward for the work you have been completing.

Going back to school is never easy. Sure you may have some excitement but it is usually combined with worry. By being more organized and prepared you can make some of that worry go away. Have a great first day and month of school!

6 Signs of Anxiety

Anxiety is an odd emotion. When we are thinking of things that may or may not happen we can become worried, but when the worrying turns into rumination it causes anxiety.

Anxiety can be difficult to manage and seeking help early can cause a major difference. If you are unsure, here are some signs that you may be experiencing anxiety.

1. Excessive worrying- When something crosses your mind but lingers around we can get stuck on that thought. If there is something bothering you on an hourly, or daily basis you may be having anxiety.

2. Stomach pain- This may seem untrue but your stomach has a lot to do with anxiety. Sometimes when we are worried about something it can cause pain and cramping.

3. Avoidance- Are you starting to avoid things, people, or places because you know they cause you to be anxious? Going to these places or seeing these people can increase our anxiety and result in choosing not to do certain things.

4. Increased heart rate and sweating- Being nervous can cause the body to react physically.

5. Lack of appetite- When we are anxious we may not feel like eating.

6. Fidgeting- Many times when we are worried we will fidget.

While there are many indicators and signs of anxiety, there are also many ways to combat anxiety. Managing it can be easier when it is caught early. Talking with a professional can always help.

How to Love Your Body - From Our Therapists

Poor body image can affect so many of us in so many different ways, including in many of our relationships, careers, and our overall quality of life. A lot of the time we tend to hyperfocus on specific parts of our bodies such as our stomachs, noses, thighs, and more. At the end of the day, we are the only ones that truly notice the “imperfections” that we think we have. If we were to ask anyone else they’d tell us we look great, amazing and lovely. Yet, we choose to not believe them.

Many people, even young children can express concern about body weight. Thankfully many children do outgrow these worries as time goes on. It usually happens most with children as young as 8 who are most likely reacting to peer pressure which in turn causes self-consciousness rather than a true disorder. A more distorted sense of self can definitely be more real for pre-teens all the way through adulthood, with more women suffering than men.

Most of the time these feelings are caused by children seeing their parent’s relationships with their own bodies. The way parent’s see themselves can definitely influence and molds a child’s ideas about their own bodies. Women are also more likely to suffer with distortions of body image due to the constant photoshopping that we see on social media and current beauty standards.

Thankfully, we are slowly branching away from the photoshopped images and people are beginning to appreciate themselves more for who they are which is allowing for many of us to truly feel more comfortable in our own skin.

Take these steps to start loving your body more:

1. Curb social media, and platforms where people are constantly pushing unrealistic beauty standards. We can even stay on social media but maybe unfollow all of those people who make you feel bad about yourself, and start following those that empower you instead. Take in media that shows you what real people and real bodies look like.

2. Do the things that make you feel good about yourself. Eat things that make you feel good and get your body moving to give you energy and flow.

3. Remind yourself every morning that you are beautiful, unique and deserving of love and good energy. Create an affirmation that you are happy to wake up to every morning. No one deserves to wake up daily and feel horrible about living in their own body.

4. Get out in the sun and absorb some rays. This will help you feel better, Vitamin D has been proven to boost positive moods.

5. Be realistic and grateful for your able body. Having gratitude for what your body can do is a great step towards loving yourself.

If you feel like you are currently dealing with poor body image, you can reach out to us and schedule an initial session with our counselors to set up a plan to help you overcome the emotions you may be feeling towards yourself. Growth isn’t linear, but we are always here to help.

3 Ways Therapists Suggest to Improve Your Self-Love

Have you noticed how often self-love is spoken about on a day to day basis compared to a couple of years ago? This is because people have started to realize that they need to prioritize their well being over their jobs and other obligations that spread them too thin. We all have a unique way of loving ourselves.

However, if you are unsure of how to start showing yourself some love, then here are three tangible ways for you to begin practicing self love.

1. Don’t compare yourself to others on social media:

We are all guilty of hopping on our social media apps such as instagram, twitter, or even tiktok only to see our favorite influencers do something amazing that may make us a bit jealous. Our internal dialogue tends to go “I wish I looked like her '', “I wish I had a loving relationship like that” or even “They got engaged? That seems so out of reach for me.” Well, maybe it's time to limit your time on social media, but if you do log on, start to challenge your thoughts. Remember that the images posted on social media are meant to show only the positive aspects of people's lives. No one wants to show the raw reality of life. We all have bad days, even our favorite influencers. Try to not beat yourself up for what you see online.

2. Clean out your closet:

Getting organized and getting rid of old things will eventually make room for many new things to come into your life. Sometimes cleaning up the clutter from our mind can start by cleaning up the clutter of our day to day lives. It’s time to let go of all those things you haven't used in over 6 months. Especially if they remind you of negative periods. Never chase things that have already passed, we cannot change the past but can always influence our future. 

3. Make a list of the things that are currently working for you: 

Self- acceptance is the main key to truly loving ourselves. A very simple way of getting to this point is to realize all the amazing things that you already have going and working for you. Once you see all the amazing things that are currently occurring in your life or that you simply have to look forward to, it will be easier to accept and love yourself completely. 

Improving ourselves and making changes can be overwhelming at times, but we promise that you can do anything that you set your mind to. Yes, even learning to love yourself. If you need any help coming up with a plan, we here at Serene Mind are also here to help you. We are simply a phone call or email away.

5 Self Care Practices - From a Mental Health Counselor

Many of us equate self care to a yoga session, meditation, or even a spa day. What we don’t realize is that no amount of stress relief activities are going to help us if we aren’t properly taking care of ourselves. Going to a yoga session, but getting barely any sleep is simply going to cause us to fall asleep. Similarly, not eating well and regularly does not allow us to fuel our bodies with nutrient-dense foods that would allow us to hit the gym at full throttle and relieve necessary stress.

Below we will be discussing different types of self care and why they are so vital in our day to day lives.

1. Physical Self Care:

If you want your body to work efficiently you need to take care of it. There is a very strong connection between body and mind. When you are actively taking care of your body by fueling it with nutritious food, sleeping well, being active, and caring for your physical needs your mind will also follow suit because you are overall feeling good about yourself and probably more energized too! Making sure to attend your medical appointments and take any necessary medication or vitamins is also a very vital point in good self care.

2. Social Self Care:

We humans thrive on social interaction. It’s no surprise that socialization is also one of the key components to great self care. Although it’s difficult to make time for friends and your relationships due to work and other obligations, it’s necessary to do so! Having close connections in your life is extremely good and important for your well being. You don’t need to force yourself to devote hours on end to your friends or even work on your relationships. It truly depends on what your social needs are. The key here is to figure out what your social needs are and to create time in your schedule to create the best social life for you.

3. Mental Self Care:

The things we constantly think about and fill our minds with will greatly influence our mental well being. Taking care of our mental health typically includes doing things that get your mind going. Do you want to learn a new subject or maybe try some new tabletop games? How about reading a new book or watching a musical that not only inspires you but gets your mind thinking. Mental self care as a whole simply involves doing things that help you stay mentally healthy. Simply practicing acceptance and positive affirmations helps you maintain a healthier inner dialogue.

4. Spiritual Self Care:

When spiritual self care is mentioned it mostly involves nurturing your spirit, but does not necessarily have to involve any kind of religion. It would simply be something that allows you to develop a deeper sense of meaning and understanding or even a connection with the world, universe, or nature. You can work on your spiritual self care by meditating, attending a religious service, or simply being in nature with yourself.

5. Emotional Self Care:

Emotional self care usually includes activities that allow us to not only acknowledge but express our emotions in a more safe and regular way. It is important to foster healthy coping skills that allow us to deal with uncomfortable emotions such as sadness, anxiety, and even anger. Whether you speak to a close friend, relative, or a partner about how you feel or you decide to set time for yourself to disconnect and process your emotions, it is very important to incorporate emotional self care into your life!

Self care is all about prioritizing your different needs. It is about making a strong internal foundation, so that you are able to provide this same love to others.

Prioritize Your Mental Health, Make it a Self Love Summer

Have you ever wondered why it’s important to practice self love? Well, there are actually various reasons why practicing self love is important. Self love as a whole motivates you to make healthy life choices that will benefit you instead of hinder you. You are more likely to choose the things that will be good for your well being and serve you well. Many of these things can take the forms of exercising, having healthy relationships, and even eating healthy. 

Ways to practice self love include:

1. Being Mindful:

   When you become more mindful you allow yourself to truly understand how you feel, think and even what you truly want for yourself. This allows you to practice self love and in time you will learn to love yourself more.  

2. Good self care:

   The people that have a high sense of self love partake in daily activities that are great for their mental and physical health. Things such as nutrition, exercise and proper sleep, intimacy and healthy social interactions. 

3. Creating healthy habits:

   Creating habits can be a bit difficult to get off the ground. However, taking a day to set goals and slowly plan on how to create those habits will allow you to start! Establishing a healthy set of dauly habits will allow you to grow that sense of self love. Do these things because you care about YOU, not because it’s something you feel you “have to do”.

Just remember that to practice self love you need to first begin by being patient, kind and compassionate with yourself the same way you would treat a loved one.

Summer is for Mental Health Days

Even during the summer we need a few things to help us disconnect from the hustle and bustle of work, meetings, summer classes and more. Summer is a calmer pace and taking it easy can help you boost your energy.

Since summer is practically around the corner, here are five things that could help you boost your mental health this summer:

1. Go outside -

Many studies have shown that stress is relieved within minutes of going outside. When time is spent in green spaces such as parks, grassy fields, or even a trail your cortisol levels drop. Cortisol is known as the stress hormone so reducing this can definitely improve your mental health. Nature also boosts endorphin levels and dopamine production which in turn promotes happiness!

2. Be active -

Exercise in any form can help to decrease anxiety, depression, and negative mood by improving self-esteem and cognitive function. It helps to improve our cardiovascular and overall physical health and even helps to reduce skeletal muscle tension which in turn allows you to feel more relaxed.

3. Stay hydrated -

Being dehydrated can lead to fatigue, mood swings and difficulty concentrating. Make sure to hydrate with electrolyte drinks to boost your energy and keep you going. Drinking water is good but you have to replenish what you loose.

4. Meditate -

Having time and space to clear your mind can help you feel more grounded and connected. Make time to meditate. Even 5 or 10 minutes can help you gain clarity and peace.

5. Start a new hobby you’ve always wanted to try! -

We all have a lot of things that we want to do but constantly put off. Since summer is around the corner, this means that it is the absolute perfect time to try that one thing you’ve always wanted to do. There is no better way to relax than to do something you truly enjoy. Doing something you enjoy and trying something new is definitely a way to boost your mental health this summer.

It is summer time and this is the best time to start a mental health routine. Making your mental health a priority now can help you keep going for the busy fall to come. What are you waiting for?

Revamp Your Self-Care Routine - From Our Therapists

From the moment we are sent off to school, we are forced to adhere to a certain standard of society that is not only mentally but physically taxing for us. We are forced into a routine or even this ideology that to succeed we need to work hard and long tedious hours. To a certain extent, this is indeed correct. To achieve our goals we do have to put in the work, dedication and time.

However, it is not okay to work so hard to the point of burnout or simply to the point that we forget to eat, shower, and give time to ourselves. So how do you go ahead and make sure you’re still taking care of yourself?

The answer is simple, we need to schedule self care.

You may think that scheduling time to care for yourself is hard, but even the smallest things can be a form of self care!

Here are 5 ways that you can start incorporating self care into your daily routine to help you unwind and feel happier.

1. Get moving:

Whether it’s taking your dog for a walk, taking a bike ride or even heading to the gym. These are all great things that you can do to get yourself active and moving. Daily exercise can help you both physically and mentally by boosting your moon and reducing the amount of stress and anxiety you may feel throughout the day. 

2. Go get dinner or coffee with a friend:

Getting dinner or coffee with a friend may not seem like a form of self care. However, it’s actually a form of emotional self-care. Although it isn’t a form of self care that lasts very long after you part ways, it definitely does allow you to benefit from a social connection.

3. Spend time in nature:

Spending time out in nature whether it be a park, the beach, a mountain trail or even your back yard is an amazing form of self care. A study by Lancet Planet Health that was published in 2019 actually states that spending time in a green space is associated with a lower mortality rate than those who do not.

4. Sleep:

Get at least 7 hours of sleep! Sleep has a huge effect on how we feel on both physical and emotional levels. If you are constantly not getting enough sleep due to work, school, and crazy deadlines..well, it can eventually catch up to you and cause major health issues. Make sure yout room is the best possible place for you to get good sleep. Meaning that there should be no distractions. This way you can guarantee good REM sleep.

5. Learn to say no to others: 

We typically find it hard to say no to others, however if you’re already stressed and overworked, saying yes to your coworkers or even loved ones can most definitely lead to lots of irritability, burnout and anxiety. It may take you a little bit, but once you practice enough you’ll be able to politely tell others no. This way you can prioritize more time for your own selfcare.

All in all, self care has a positive effect on your health as well as your overall outlook on life. However, you must have the intention and commitment to invest in your well being. By doing so we can not only take care of ourselves, but we can also start removing the ideology that those who prioritize their well being are selfish. Remember: It’s okay to take care of yourself.

Mental Health is Health - Break the Mental Health Stigma

It is important to be healthy, both mentally and physically. The two intertwine. How can we have a conversation with a colleague, or get a good night’s sleep when we are consumed with worry and thinking of something else.

We get annual checkups for physical health but how can we keep healthy mentally?

1. Take care of your basic needs:

When we feel down sometimes we don’t want to take care of our basic needs. Drinking water, sleeping regularly, and eating healthy are little big things that contribute to our mental health. Not sleeping regularly can affect your irritability and patience.

2. Maintain healthy relationships:

No one feels good when they feel lonely. Listen to others when they are speaking to you and share with them what is going on. Being with friend can increase social activity which can make us feel better about not being alone.

3. Exercising:

Believe it or not, exercising can improve your mental health! Exercise takes your mind away from other things and can allow you to focus on the present moment.

4. Treat your self every now and then:

Even though we may feel bad about buying something or doing something just for ourselves think about how far something small can go. Stop for ice cream on your way home or get a fun face mask, do something for YOU.

5. Practice being in the moment:

When we worry about things that have not happened or have already happened to us we are not able to see what IS happening in front of us. We can lose sight of what is happening in our lives and our hobbies, relationships, and sometimes jobs can be affected. When we are able to see what is happening and understand it we feel less distressed.

6. Journal:

Writing your thoughts and feelings down can help clear your brain of thoughts that can cause fear or sadness. We can make charts and illustrations with color, you can write letters (if you plan on sending them or not), or you can make lists. Having a safe place for your private feelings can give you a sense of safety.

7. Talk with a professional:

We know to go to the hospital for a broken bone, but what about a major worry? Going to see a mental health professional is very similar! Professionals can help figure out what is wrong and help relieve the problem.

Mental health is health. By taking care of your mind, your body will thank you and you will be able to do more of what you love to do. It is a synergistic relationship, with balance we can achieve great things.

Back to School Burn Out - A Therapist’s Perspective

Back to school burnout is REAL. As a graduate student nearing the end of my degree, my biggest challenge is overcoming the idea that I just “took a bunch of time to rest” over the summer. I am supposed to feel fully charged, refreshed, and ready to go, right? 

Well, about 3 weeks into the “go mode” I now realize I am pushing myself too hard and I am starting to feel the first signs of burnout: fatigue, forgetfulness, loss of appetite, anxiety symptoms. 

It is okay and there are ways we can manage going back to school together. Here are some tips I have come up with over the years to avoid this back to school burnout:

1. Set reasonable weekly/daily goals.

   I am a week-to-week person so I typically like to begin on Monday with a list of things I would like to accomplish throughout the week, with the most important things first. I will then separate my list into days: when will I have the time to complete each task as it fits in with my week. The goal here is to provide yourself with some wiggle room. If you can only complete one task, that is okay- just make sure it is the most important one. You will get to the rest as soon as you can. 

2. Take breaks!

   They did not invent the wheel in one day! Sometimes long task lists take time and it is okay to give yourself time. Taking breaks for some of us can be difficult. Maybe we don’t know where to fit them in and we work straight through lunch or dinner. Others may take breaks that are so long they cannot get back into being productive. A great tool for this is to set timers. At the beginning of the day, as you assess your schedule, identify at least 2 places where you could stop for 10 minutes and eat a snack or go for a walk. Set those alarms in your phone and try your best to carve out time when they go off. 

3. Choose healthy relationships.

   A teen shared with me the other day, “you are the sum of your 5 closest friends.” The people that you surround yourself with can make you feel much better or much worse about your current situation. If your peers are often consumed with drama and negative attitudes, it is likely that they will begin to inadvertently bring you down with them. Finding people who maintain positive and productive relationships and attitudes will benefit you in reaching your goals and better managing your time! 

These tips may not rid you of all burn out, fatigue and anxiety but they can help to manage your symptoms. Knowing that we all have episodes of burn out can help us feel some level of comfort and relieve. You are not alone, and your struggles are real. Remember to make yourself a priority and focus on your needs too.

Infertility Does Not Define You - A Therapy Perspective

1 in 8 couples will have trouble conceiving a baby, that means 1 in 8 of your family members and friend group. That is too many people to even count, yet why do we feel all alone when we can not grow our family? Instead of talking, sharing and learning to empower each other we create guilt, fear and shame that does not allow us to grow. Infertility does not have to define you or hold you back, your worth is not based on your ability to have a baby.

So what is infertility?

According to the Office of Women’s Health, for women under the age of 35, infertility is defined by not being able to get pregnant after one year of trying. If you are over the age of 35, it is categorized by 6 months of trying. In the United Sates, about 10% of women between the ages of 15-44 have difficulty getting pregnant or staying pregnant according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention.

Here are some common Misconceptions about infertility:

It is the woman’s fault.

This is not always the case. In fact, about 1/3 of infertility cases are due to maternal factors and 1/3 are due to paternal factors. The other third of problems regarding infertility are unknown or caused by a mixture of both.

Most people can conceive whenever they want.

In fact, according to the Fertility Specialist Medical group, it is normal for even two perfectly healthy, fertile people to try for a few months to get pregnant. Over five million Americans of child bearing age have some sort of issues with fertility in their lifetime.

Infertility means you cannot have a child.

Infertility only means that you have been unsuccessful in conceiving a child naturally after one year of trying. In today’s society, with the help of modern medicine, the majority of people who seek help and are given the proper treatment do go on the have children.

Now, because infertility is typically a private thing, you may not know that your sister, cousin, friend, brother, aunt, uncle, niece or nephew is struggling with the stress of not being able to conceive. Therefore, it is important that we stay impartial to those who may be having a hard time.

There is no reason to place stress on couples to grow their family.

Questions like, “So, when should we be expecting a new member?” or “You’ve been together for a while, why haven’t you gotten pregnant yet?” can be extremely painful questions.

Parenthood is a transition into adult life for men and women individually, as well as a couple. Being unable to have a child can lead to serious negative emotions like anxiety, depression, and anger which can ultimately lead into marital problems and social isolation.

Couples that are going through this may feel burdened by the ideas of stigmatization and diminishing self-esteem. This is why empathy is so important.

If someone you know reaches out to you about their struggles with infertility, here are a few things you should NOT do:

Offer recommendations.

Unless you are an expert on the subject, chances are you will offer the same advice google did, which can be extremely stressful and redundant. Sometimes offering an ear is the best you can do.

Be overly expressive about your own pregnancy.

Although it is great for you to be excited for yourself, this is sensitive for others. If you know someone who is dealing with this, it may be difficult for you to share your good news with them. If they are your friend, you can still tell them, just in a more sensitive manner. Instead of bursting with joy over the phone, maybe reach out over dinner and casually let them know, including the fact that you do not want to upset them but rather keep them in the loop.

Be dismissive.

Saying things like “It will work itself out.” Or “You’re still so young!” can make someone feel as though their feelings are inadequate. Instead, offer support and let them know you are around to help if they ever need it.

Just remember, you don’t always know what is going on behind closed doors. You don’t always know what people are battling. Be cautious with what you say to couples who do not have children (or are trying for a second) and try to just listen.

Self-Growth is a Steady Mental Health Journey

This week I decided I needed to take my own advice.

As I have been writing about self-care, self-growth and the preservation of the love we have for our own selves, I came to the realization that these things are much easier said than done. I looked in the mirror and saw someone I love, but she’s not quite present on the surface. The part of me that loves myself to the fullest potential was hiding somewhere deep within.

So, the question stands:

How do I find the version of me that is capable of loving myself, and others, to my fullest potential?

Well, first I had to figure out what was shadowing me and what it was that was dimming my light. This was not easy. This came with tears and telling myself some things that I had been pushing behind me for a long while now. I thought about why I felt like I am not good enough, why I felt like I need someone else to love me, for me to love myself, and why I allow the opinion of others to affect my mood and cloud the lens that I see the world through. Ironically, the answers were simple.

Some very hard questions that revolve around a simple explanation:

I was afraid.

I was afraid that the negative people that surround me are, in fact, right. I was afraid that the ME I see every day in the mirror is not the version of me others perceive. I was afraid that I will never get my happy ending.

This, though, is negative self-talk; something we may acknowledge but ultimately want to stay away from. There is no good reason to consistently try to believe the negative accusations that you direct at yourself.

So, I joined a yoga class. In my practice I focused fully on my breath and my intension. I brought those negative feelings in with me and I let them melt away through my pores as I went through the flow of Vinyasa.

By the end of my practice that day, the stress and anxiety that filled my head and my heart had calmed down and I finally felt grounded for the time being.

After this I suggested connecting with loved ones. So, that is what I did. I met my sister for dinner and we talked about irrelevant topics like school and how we want to redecorate our rooms. A day that started so wound up and uncomfortable turned slowly into a calm, comfortable conversation.

The last step is to set a goal. I am often very busy and find myself feeling overwhelmed by all of my responsibilities so I had to truly think about what I needed. I needed to feel comfortable in my own skin. I needed to be calm and collected while I navigate my day. I needed to show myself that I am capable of giving my body and mind more love than it has been receiving.

With that being said, I set two goals:

My first goal is to attend at least four yoga classes a week. These classes will help me become more in-tune with my physical self, helping me feel grounded in the process.

My second goal is to make time for breakfast every day. I do not always have time for more then a coffee and a quick bite on the go. Changing this routine will not only help adjust my health and eating habits it will become a healthier alternative for my mental stability and sleep cycle by creating a routine and forcing myself to make time for one specific thing each day.

I have been active in following through with these goals for two weeks now. After a week of this routine I felt better. My mind had found a safe space and I began to understand how much I had truly been neglecting myself.

After two weeks, I am thrilled. I have started to see changes in my physical self and I am finally focused on creating a better me for ME, not for others. My path may not be the right path for you, everyone is different, but I encourage you to find one.

As the wise Buddha once said, “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

A Therapist Shares The Truth About Therapy

How do you feel about the word therapy? Some of us are under the impression that attending therapy means we are going “crazy” or “insane.” This is false and if you believe this you are actually stereotyping and increasing the stigma related to mental health. Therapy is for ALL, the everyday unique person who simply wants to better them self. You do not have to be experiencing a major life crisis, transformation or a traumatic event to benefit from someone listening to you.

I want to debunk some therapy rumors and clear up any misconceptions about therapy:

1. My issues are not a big deal: Your anxiety may be related to things others may not understand or empathize with. That does not mean they do not matter or are important to you. By coming to therapy you can talk to someone who can empathize, listen and understand how illogical thoughts may be growing in your own head.

2. In therapy I will be told what to do: Nope, that is the most far from the truth. A therapist listens and guides. We do not tell anyone what to do. You come up with our choices based on what you want to accomplish. In therapy, you gain insight and the ability to make your own healthy choices.

3. My therapist does not care about my problems: That may be true or not, every therapist is different and unique. If you feel they do not empathize or understand you, please leave. Find another therapist, we are as unique as you are and we all have different talents. The most important thing for you to benefit from therapy is simply your relationship with your therapist and how well you get along.

4. It is too expensive: This can be true, but it can also be false. Therapists can work with insurance providers, some have sliding scales or discounts for college students. I always say therapy is not permanent, it is an investment. Put away your online shopping habit and instead commit to something that can help you gain better relationships, a promotion and self-esteem.

5. Talking won’t help me solve anything: Of course, it can! You just have not found the right person for you to talk to. See talking to a therapist is not like talking to a friend, spouse or family member. It is unique in that your therapist has no motif, no underlying gain. Plus they do not know you or your acquaintances. A therapist learns to see you the way you see yourself, through your own eyes.

6.  I can not change people around me: Very true, in therapy, you will learn this. But you should not be going to therapy to change people, you should be going to therapy to improve your own thinking and insight.

7. It is embarrassing: If you feel this way, talk about it in therapy. I do not see people feeling embarrassed about going to the doctor, dentist and even your gynecologist. Talking to a therapist is empowering.

8. Therapy is forever: No, it does not have to be forever. Find a therapist with a therapy style that gives you results (not every therapist is the same). You do not have to invest your entire future going to therapy.

Please remember your therapist is a human too. In fact, many of us attend our own therapy. It is not as shocking, embarrassing or outlandish as you may think. We study the art and science of psychology, it is important for us all to realize our own limitations and to consult with other like-minded humans, who are impartial and non-biased when we need an extra boost.

A Side of Love, Forgiveness and Patience - Relationships Matter

You're at your favorite date night restaurant, and you've been looking forward to it all day. You order the salad with dressing on the side and wait patiently as you sip your glass of wine. Finally, the waitress comes over with your delicious salad bowl, and you dive right in! It takes you about a minute to notice...she forgot your dressing. A little dismayed, you flag her down when she's near, and politely let her know. She's is so sorry! She was buzzing around and it simply slipped her mind, she asks that you please forgive her. You tell her it's no big deal at all, you just wanted to remind her. You offer a reassuring smile as she scurries to go get your dressing. Within seconds, it's on the table and you go right back to your meal. It is delicious and you are once again reminded as to why this is your favorite place. 

So why when your significant other doesn't listen to what you're saying or forgets something, are you not as forgiving and friendly as you were with the forgetful waitress?

Surely you love them more than the waitress, so what is keeping you from being just as kind?

Maybe because it's a common thing, and you feel as though you are constantly reminding, and repeating yourself.

If that is the case, ask yourself this: when is the last time someone had to remind me of something?

In today's world, I can guarantee it wasn't that long ago. 

Communication comes in two primary forms. Verbal, and non-verbal. It seems that in times of frustration or stress, many of us remember our verbal communications well, but what about the non-verbal? Have you ever said something was 'okay' with your mouth, but your face and that long sigh said something else? "It's fine, I'll just run to the store myself and get it." You say, as you snatch the keys and shove them in your pocket, marching towards the door.

Body language says everything when your mouth doesn't, and it can be one of the main roadblocks to proper communication. Reactions like this can bring such unnecessary stress into your relationship when one of you feels they have to walk on eggshells and have the memory of an elephant. The solution to this is something that must be practiced, and it involves three words.

Love. Forgiveness. Patience. 

There are many times during our day that I am sure we wish we had more patience. At the minimum, can we try to give our loved ones the same courtesy as we do our waiters and waitresses? All of us know what it is like to be human, and we should try to remember that the next time we say something without saying it. Do we want to be sure that we aren't doing this all for a show, right? Let's not smile through the conversation, and lament in our heads for the rest of the evening. Forgiveness not only releases the person, but it frees you as well from the burden of agonizing over it. The most important of the three is love, and it is my favorite. No matter what, you should always speak to your significant other out of love. This is a great way to keep yourself in check, and in times of frustration, you will be shocked at the results. Their reaction to being spoken to out of love rather than irritation will not only ease them but bring you both happiness in solving the issue together. Try it. Practice it. And be kind to everyone you meet, waitress included! 

Therapists Share Your First Semester at College Survival Guide

As a high school senior you were on top of the food chain. You probably knew your school like the back of your hand and best of all you were comfortable. August is finally here and the fall college semester will begin soon. Some of you are heading to schools where you will be one of thousands of students, others are heading to small schools in which you will be one of hundreds. Either way it is a BIG change and college anxiety is real. 

Here are some ways to ease your mind and look forward to your first day of college: 

1. Purchase the essentials: Aside the typical dorm items, remember to purchase school supplies and your books. Show up to class prepared and ready to take notes (even if it is the first day of class). In college professors will expect you to always be prepared to learn, there is no movie day or freebie. 

2. Go explore the campus: Learn where your dorm is, the nearest dining halls and where your classes are. Learn to take the bus and time how long you take to reach your destination. This will help you plan how much time you have between classes. 

3. Get to know your professors: No, you do not have to take them to lunch, but introduce yourself during a class break and research their ratings on www.ratemyprofessor.com or a similar website  (this will make you aware of their teaching style and personality).  

4. Get to know your roommates: Spend time together, talk, go out to eat and learn what you have in common. Your roommates can be a great part of your college experience (they still are a great part of my life). You will be living with them so make the best of it and work on building a friendship. 

5. Have a schedule: Write down and plan out your day (from start to finish). This will help ease your stress and increase your timeliness. You can add lunch, time with friends, work out time, study hours and quizzes to all fit your schedule. 

6. Have fun: Take the time to join clubs and make friends. College is not just about your studies. It is a great opportunity to make social connections (future work connections are always great) and explore the things that really interest you. This will help you find your identity, which can help you choose a career that aligns with who you are. 

Prepare yourself for a year of learning, fun and exciting new ventures! College is what you make of it. Remember to take one day at a time. Patience is key to learning your way around, adapting to a new environment and surviving your first semester.  

Mental Health Matters

"Once my loved ones accepted the diagnosis, healing began for the entire family, but it took too long. It took years. Can't we, as a nation, begin to speed up that process? We need a national campaign to destigmatize mental illness, especially one targeted toward African Americans...It's not shameful to have a mental illness. Get treatment. Recovery is possible."

–Bebe Moore Campbell, 2005
Co-developer of Minority Mental Health Month

I’d like to take a moment to first give kudos to the individuals and groups of individuals who have made great efforts to destigmatize mental health over the past several years.

Campaigns such as ‘Time to Change’, and Takethis.org have created safe spaces for individuals and their loved ones who experience mental illnesses to vent about their experiences, and connect with others who they can relate to. These sort of campaigns have been created with the purpose of destigmatizing mental health, and it seems that they have done an excellent job of educating individuals about mental health, and fostering hope for individuals by sharing venues for getting help.   

Unfortunately, it seems that many individuals still feel a sense of shame and helplessness when it comes time to getting care for themselves or for their loved ones. Statistics vary depending on the source, but between 1/5 and ¼ of all Americans are currently living with a diagnosable mental health condition. NAMI reports that individuals who are Hispanic, Black, Asian, and American Indian, are as or more likely to have a mental illness as white individuals. But when it comes to receiving care, White Americans are most likely to receive care for their mental health. African Americans and Hispanic Americans do not tend to receive the mental health services that they need and Asian Americans were found the least likely to receive care. 

So what explains this disparity between white individuals and minorities receiving mental health treatment? According to NAMI, individuals in multicultural communities receive a poorer quality of care, experience higher levels of stigma, receive services within a culturally insensitive health care system, may experience language barriers from their clinicians, and have lower rates of health insurance.  These statistics, although discouraging, serve as a sign to mental health practitioners that we need to do more to reach clients of all ethnic backgrounds, especially individuals who fall into these underserved communities. Minority Mental Health Month was developed to improve the public’s awareness of mental health among minorities and to improve access. 

What can you do to help?

Educating yourself and others about mental illnesses may be the first step. You can visit www.nami.org for additional information regarding the facts and myths associated with mental health. You can connect with other individuals and families, neighbors and people who have sought help for their mental health in the past. You may also speak with your doctor to see if therapy may be a good fit for you or a loved one.

It is not always easy to talk about mental health but by just reading this blog you are already helping others. Awareness is key and by coming together we can begin to end the stigma associated with mental illness, especially for minorities.

A Therapist Shares Thoughts on Ways to Love Summer

Aaah, it’s sweet summertime!  Our kids are out of school, or if we don’t have children at home, perhaps we’ve decided to take some time for ourselves this summer. Whether vacationing, stay-cationing, or simply taking some time to relax when we have a moment of peace after work, summertime can be ideal for connecting with oneself again, and refocusing on what is most important to us.  

Summertime can serve as a great time to reconnect with our values, strengthen coping mechanisms, and re-center ourselves. For school aged children, teens, and young adults, summer may serve as the ideal time to begin therapy. Oftentimes when planning for summer we think of all of the most enriching possible activities out there. We register our kids for a great summer camp, and plan educational trips to museums. We plan picnics outside at the beach, and splurge on all access passes to Adventure Island, (anything to beat the scorching Florida heat). We take time to travel, and to be outdoors. What we often overlook during the summer is helping our young ones, and ourselves, to work on our mental health.

The benefits of therapy are innumerable. Research indicates that 75% of individuals who enter therapy show some benefit (APA, 2017). The following are some benefits of attending therapy over the summer as I have identified. Keep in mind that everyone is different, and as you are reading I encourage you to open yourself up to what benefits you could see for yourself of going to therapy.

• Gain coping mechanisms In counseling we cultivate coping mechanisms that will be carried with us far beyond our time in the therapy room. Oftentimes when life throws us barriers, we develop coping mechanisms that don’t serve us. We may not even be aware of what these maladaptive mechanisms are. In therapy we learn to identify our not so helpful coping mechanisms, and to find what is healthy, and what works for us.

• Manage our stress The summer can be an ideal time to take a break from our usual routine, and to work through out stressors with our therapist. The act of going to therapy itself may also serve to reduce stress. Therapy means having regularly scheduled appointments to look forward to for y-o-u.

• Improve our concentration Whether we have a break from responsibilities this summer, or if we are still engaged in school and work, summer can be an excellent time to refocus, and to gain skills to help us concentrate throughout the year.

• Cultivate self-esteem It’s the dreaded time of year again when we get to see the beautiful (beautifully photoshopped) models showing off their tans and their ‘beach bodies’. Rather than focusing on trying to look like the celebrities we see, this summer perhaps we can turn inward to work on cultivating our self-esteem.

• Get a handle on our anxiety and depression Although we often think of wintertime as a time that individuals most often feel depressed and anxious, summertime can often bring those feelings to the forefront of our lives. The extra time off may be a relief, but it may also bring to light feelings we are coping with all year long. In therapy we can gain the skills we need to cope with feelings of anxiety and depression.

• Gaining insight of ourselves Our modern society doesn’t often provide us with opportunity (or time) to take a step back and think about ourselves as individuals. Therapy, for some, may be the first opportunity for a higher level of introspection, and may be an opportunity to feel truly heard and understood by a compassionate listener.

If you or a loved one has been on the fence about when the right time for counseling is, I hope you consider taking time for yourself this summer to find a counselor who is a good fit for you or your loved ones needs. Whether you are reading this post this summer, or if it’s any time of the year, I encourage you to find a clinician who will work alongside you while you work on yourself.