5 Tools to Help You Embrace Change

Experiencing a change can cause us to wonder if we have the capacity to handle change. Can we handle the unknown or a new experience? Change is an opportunity to utilize a positive mindset and look forward to something new and different.

Here are a 5 tools to help you towards positive change:

1. Patience with yourself - Experiencing a change allows us to take a pause and assess what is going on in our life. We can give ourselves permission to slow down and practice patience in a new situation. Give yourself grace to experience something new. It takes time to adjust and become used to a new job, new move, or even a new family member.

2. Vulnerability with others - Going through a change with someone else allows us to be vulnerable to our needs and the needs of others. Opening up to someone else is a great way to learn more about what we are capable of and where we can improve emotionally. Communicating what you need and how you feel can help others better understand how you feel about change.

3. Mistakes that are forgiven - Change is not perfect, so learning from mistakes and new experiences is a great way to expand our skillset, build confidence and practice grace toward ourselves and others. By realizing you expect to make mistakes, you make the standard for yourself much more attainable and less daunting. Making mistakes is a major part of growth and growth mindset. Without mistakes many inventions and things we use everyday would not even exist.

4. Aim for progress, not perfection - It is important to try, make an effort and learn. Knowing that perfect does not exist, can help you be more open minded to trying new positive things. Always try to make progress and know that you are aiming for a realistic goal. Nothing will ever be perfect, and that is completely fine.

5. Stay in the moment - Be present with yourself and try to enjoy the process. Understanding that every ending has a new beginning, is a beautiful thing. Not every day is the same, and even in challenging times we can find things to be grateful for. Find something to always be thankful for.

Every new change is a chance to grow, to learn about ourselves and those around us. If we are open to new possibilities we have the potential to become a better version of ourselves. This is exactly what we need to aim for, be kind to yourself and you will get there.

How Therapists Believe Change is Positive

Every ending has a new beginning. Change does have a bad reputation but change can actually be the introduction to a new chapter. Without change we would be stuck in a constant loop of the sameness, this could feel draining and boring. The only constant in life is change.

Here are some ways change can be positive:

1. Change gives you a new perspective - A new way of completing a task, a different job or moving to a new city are all opportunities for you to figure out how new circumstances play into the values and morals of your life. This is a great way to see what is important to you and helps you to evaluate how change can play into your existing lifestyle, thought patterns and even life goals.

2. Change can help you learn to be flexible - It is easy to fall into set patterns and a routine, but change allows you to become open to new ways of thinking. One small change can open your mind to make changes in other areas of your life.

3. Change can improve your attitude - Sometimes, a change can be just the thing you need to get out of a rut and improve your outlook on life.

4. Change can help you grow - Accepting change is not always easy, but learning to deal with change can help you grow. This in turn can make change become easier to accept and to build confidence in your ability to try something new.

5. Change allows you to reflect on progress - When a change is presented to you, it is a chance to reflect on the past and become excited about the future. Thinking ahead to what you can accomplish when a change is introduced to you is a chance to become renewed by the potential awaiting you.

Change can be a rewarding and exciting experience if we open up our minds to the positive possibilities. Thinking of change as a new opportunity to expand your thinking will help you to look at change in a positive way.

3 Ways Therapists Suggest to Improve Your Self-Love

Have you noticed how often self-love is spoken about on a day to day basis compared to a couple of years ago? This is because people have started to realize that they need to prioritize their well being over their jobs and other obligations that spread them too thin. We all have a unique way of loving ourselves.

However, if you are unsure of how to start showing yourself some love, then here are three tangible ways for you to begin practicing self love.

1. Don’t compare yourself to others on social media:

We are all guilty of hopping on our social media apps such as instagram, twitter, or even tiktok only to see our favorite influencers do something amazing that may make us a bit jealous. Our internal dialogue tends to go “I wish I looked like her '', “I wish I had a loving relationship like that” or even “They got engaged? That seems so out of reach for me.” Well, maybe it's time to limit your time on social media, but if you do log on, start to challenge your thoughts. Remember that the images posted on social media are meant to show only the positive aspects of people's lives. No one wants to show the raw reality of life. We all have bad days, even our favorite influencers. Try to not beat yourself up for what you see online.

2. Clean out your closet:

Getting organized and getting rid of old things will eventually make room for many new things to come into your life. Sometimes cleaning up the clutter from our mind can start by cleaning up the clutter of our day to day lives. It’s time to let go of all those things you haven't used in over 6 months. Especially if they remind you of negative periods. Never chase things that have already passed, we cannot change the past but can always influence our future. 

3. Make a list of the things that are currently working for you: 

Self- acceptance is the main key to truly loving ourselves. A very simple way of getting to this point is to realize all the amazing things that you already have going and working for you. Once you see all the amazing things that are currently occurring in your life or that you simply have to look forward to, it will be easier to accept and love yourself completely. 

Improving ourselves and making changes can be overwhelming at times, but we promise that you can do anything that you set your mind to. Yes, even learning to love yourself. If you need any help coming up with a plan, we here at Serene Mind are also here to help you. We are simply a phone call or email away.

New Mommy Love - Postpartum Love from Our Therapists

The birth of a new member to any family can most definitely trigger a wide range of powerful emotions. These emotions can range from excitement and joy to great anxiety and uneasiness. Most of the time, the uneasy emotions, anxiety and even depression can last up to about two weeks, but in some cases they continue for longer periods of time. When new moms are experiencing this more severe, long lasting form of depression it is usually the sign of postpartum depression. 

For any new moms that may be reading this, we do want you to know that postpartum depression does not mean you are weak or flawed in any way. It’s actually very common in new moms. Studies show that postpartum depression actually affects 1 in 9 new mothers. Getting back to feeling like yourself may take some time, but know that it is possible!

We would like to provide you with 5 things you or someone you know could follow to help on their new mommy journey to improve postpartum:

1. Rest:

   It is very important that you rest as much as you can. Although extremely hectic, try to schedule your sleep time around your baby’s sleep time. If possible, see if someone can give you a hand so that you can rest. 

2. Get out of the house:

   Make time for yourself. Whether this is simply going out to get a massage, an ice cream cone, visit some friends, or even spend time alone with your partner.

3. Join a support group:

   It’s extremely easy to find a support group with the help of technology! This may be extremely helpful if you are needing that extra support. Many other mothers are going through the same thing. Learning about their experiences may be not only insightful but helpful.

4. Don’t do everything alone:

   I know that sometimes you might want to do everything. However, you deserve a break too! Ask your partner, family or even friends for help if you really need it. Asking for help doesn’t make you any less of a mother. 

5. Don’t make any major life changes:

   Giving birth and welcoming a new child to the world is already life changing as is. More major changes can cause you heaps of unneeded stress. Sadly, there are life changes that we simply cannot avoid. When those occur, please try to reach out to family and friends to arrange support and help you ahead of time. 

It can also be helpful to have someone you trust take care of the baby while you are managing postpartum depression. If you are currently feeling this way, don’t juggle it all alone. Tell a loved one or talk with a professional. It may not seem like it now, but it will get better. 

Mental Health is Health - Break the Mental Health Stigma

It is important to be healthy, both mentally and physically. The two intertwine. How can we have a conversation with a colleague, or get a good night’s sleep when we are consumed with worry and thinking of something else.

We get annual checkups for physical health but how can we keep healthy mentally?

1. Take care of your basic needs:

When we feel down sometimes we don’t want to take care of our basic needs. Drinking water, sleeping regularly, and eating healthy are little big things that contribute to our mental health. Not sleeping regularly can affect your irritability and patience.

2. Maintain healthy relationships:

No one feels good when they feel lonely. Listen to others when they are speaking to you and share with them what is going on. Being with friend can increase social activity which can make us feel better about not being alone.

3. Exercising:

Believe it or not, exercising can improve your mental health! Exercise takes your mind away from other things and can allow you to focus on the present moment.

4. Treat your self every now and then:

Even though we may feel bad about buying something or doing something just for ourselves think about how far something small can go. Stop for ice cream on your way home or get a fun face mask, do something for YOU.

5. Practice being in the moment:

When we worry about things that have not happened or have already happened to us we are not able to see what IS happening in front of us. We can lose sight of what is happening in our lives and our hobbies, relationships, and sometimes jobs can be affected. When we are able to see what is happening and understand it we feel less distressed.

6. Journal:

Writing your thoughts and feelings down can help clear your brain of thoughts that can cause fear or sadness. We can make charts and illustrations with color, you can write letters (if you plan on sending them or not), or you can make lists. Having a safe place for your private feelings can give you a sense of safety.

7. Talk with a professional:

We know to go to the hospital for a broken bone, but what about a major worry? Going to see a mental health professional is very similar! Professionals can help figure out what is wrong and help relieve the problem.

Mental health is health. By taking care of your mind, your body will thank you and you will be able to do more of what you love to do. It is a synergistic relationship, with balance we can achieve great things.

Control Your Negative Thoughts and Reduce Unwanted Anxiety

As we move throughout our day we respond to different things that happen whether they are good or bad. You may get some bad news, or someone may cut you off in traffic and we have the ability to respond with either positive or negative thinking. We can choose to look at situations positively but this can be difficult when situations are problematic or overwhelming. Negative thinking leads to more negative thoughts, which in turn leads to feeling poorly. Telling yourself to “just think of the positives” can seem silly, as we certainly don’t want to think negatively.

So, what can we do to control our negative thoughts and reduce unwanted anxiety?

1. Challenge yourself to focus on what is good:

What are you grateful for in this moment? What about this current problem can be shifted to positive viewpoint? For example, not having a lot of money can cause you to think about the things you do not have but we can challenge ourselves to think of the things we do have.

2. Think of things that make you happy:

Stop and make a mental (or tangible) list of things that make you happy. Carry this around with you, or think of it often as the more often you recognize negative thinking the more awareness you will have.

3. Talk to a loved one or friend:

Sometimes our loved ones know what can make us feel positive even if we don’t feel like we do. Call or text someone you love and tell them to ell you their favorite memory with you, or plan to meet up with them.

4. Take a step back:

When negative thoughts enter your mind you can stop and take a step back. Ask yourself, is there any good in this situation? Even pausing for a moment can give your mind and body more time to respond.

5. Don’t let it affect your self-esteem:

It is easy to see negatives, but far more challenging to see positives. Getting stuck in a line of negative thinking is normal and happens to many of us frequently; be kind to yourself and remember that you have the ability to think positively.

Remember you do control your thoughts. It is a hard concept to understand if you are stuck in your own head. Take a step back and recognize that being self aware can help you overcome any thoughts that are setting you back.

Our Therapists Confirm, Asking for Help is a Sign of Self Awareness

Life is full of unexpected turns and zigzags. Sometimes life presents us with more than we can handle. We start to feel overwhelmed, sad, angry, confused or hurt. Accepting help may make you feel vulnerable, this is absolutely normal. When we open up and face our true feelings, we do become vulnerable. This vulnerability is what can help us heal, grow and show us just how strong we really are. When you ask for help you are able to accomplish more and feel better about yourself. When things start to become too heavy to carry an extra pair of hands can help. How do we know we need help and how do we get that help?

Knowing when to ask for help may be hard to figure out. It all starts with a little bit of insight, awareness and connecting with yourself. In society we are taught to be independent and to do things on our own. What society sometimes forgets is that everyone needs a little help, guidance and empathy.

Some signs you may be overwhelmed and needing more self awareness include:

1. You are easily upset:

   Our emotions are often pushed to their limit when we try and handle too much so the smallest things could cause an emotional response whether it be crying or becoming angry.

2. Forgetting things:

   Forgetting appointments or to call someone back; small things add up and could mean that you are not giving your attention to what needs it. On the other hand when we do recognize when we need help actually accepting it is another hurdle.

3. Feeling run down or empty:

   When we are overwhelmed with negative thoughts or emotions, our tank runs on empty and we begin to feel to feel down. This can cause fatigue and burn out.

4. Being hurtful towards yourself or others:

   As our emotions peak, we may not find relief. Sometimes this can lead towards behaviors that are destructive. We may take things out on ourselves or the people we love the most.

Here are some ways to start finding help, and therapy can be part of that help:

1. Research your options:

   What exactly do you need help with? There are many resources available to you when looking for help.

2. Know you are not alone:

   Sharing your problems and worries with someone else alone helps take the burden off of you.

3. Know others want the best for you:

   Some people may be eager to help because they have your needs in mind. It is okay to set boundaries in this regard.

4. Recognize that asking for help, is a sign of self awareness:

   Society may not recognize that asking for help is a game changer for many of us. Asking for help means we recognize we can not do everything, we need guidance and we are ready to grow.

Asking for help is a great step in feeling supported, loved and connected. When you ask for help, you are asking for empathy and validation. This is a sign of your own inner strength!

5 Keys to a Healthy Relationship - From Our Therapists

Relationships are tricky. There are ups and downs, unforeseen obstacles, and they require both partners to be putting in effort in order to last. While it’s true that every relationship is different, there are practices that can be generally applied to building a healthy relationship.

Here are some key components of a healthy relationship:

1. Communication:

Open and honest communication is arguably the most important part of a healthy relationship. Communication is a two-way street; you and your partner must be able to express thoughts and emotions, but also actively listen to what the other has to say. This will allow you and your partner to be on the same page and know what one another’s expectations are for the relationship. Do not be afraid to have uncomfortable conversations – bottling up your emotions rather than communicating them will hurt your relationship in the long run.

2. Respect:

In a healthy relationship, you and your partner must have mutual respect, even if you don’t always agree with them. Respecting your partner’s beliefs or boundaries means working to understand where they are coming from, and not trying to change them. Always treat your partner how you would want to be treated.

3. Boundaries:

Setting and respecting boundaries is a fundamental part of a healthy relationship. It’s best to clearly establish clear boundaries early on in the relationship.

4. Trust:

Trust is not given automatically; it is something that takes time and effort to build between partners. Show your partner, through both words and actions, that you follow through on commitments and keep your word.

5. Support:

Provide your partner with positivity and encouragement as you support them. The form support takes depends on your partner’s needs. Communication is key in determining how you can best support your partner.

Relationships are hard work. You have to nurture your relationship in order for it to bloom and become the type of relationship you want for yourself.

The Importance of Gratitude - From Our Therapists

Gratitude is defined as “the quality of being thankful.”

Gratitude is given special attention during this time of year, but it is important to engage in giving thanks year-round. Gratitude helps you appreciate the meaningful people and valuable things in life. Acknowledging these good things, rather than what you may lack, will cultivate a sense of satisfaction in life.

There are many ways in which gratitude positively impact your life – as well as the lives of those around you – including:

1. Improvements in your health.

Physical and mental health are closely intertwined. The emotional benefits you’ll receive from actively practicing gratitude will carry over into improving your physical wellbeing.

2. Strengthening your relationships.

When you recognize, appreciate, and reciprocate the kindness you receive from others, your relationships will blossom!

3. Reductions in anxiety.

Practicing gratitude keeps your focus in the present moment, which prevents you from stressing about the future.

Overall, gratitude is associated with experiencing more positive emotions. To increase your happiness, give thanks consistently, not just during the holiday season!

Our Therapists Know Breastfeeding is Hard Work, Let's Talk About It

This week we celebrate all the benefits that breastfeeding can bring to both the health and welfare of babies, as well as a general awareness for maternal health, focusing on good nutrition, poverty reduction and food security. 

We are not here to mom shame or make anyone feel guilty about not being able to breastfeed.

This week is NOT dedicated to discussing the reduction of other options, in the cases of mothers who cannot breastfeed or choose not to breastfeed, but instead provide resources and access in communities where there are barriers to breastfeeding, like corporate policy, lack of privacy, or high demand for women in other spheres of the workforce.

Breastfeeding is a hard and tremendous job, we know that first hand. By normalizing and discussing what benefits breastfeeding can bring, it can decrease stigma, making these choices easier for women to make. 

This year, the objectives for WBW are as follows:

• Inform people about the importance of protecting breastfeeding.

• Anchor breastfeeding support as a vital public health responsibility.

• Engage with individuals and organizations for greater impact. 

• Galvanize action on protecting breastfeeding to improve public health.

This year also emphasizes the importance of breastfeeding, if possible, during the COVID-19 pandemic, stating “The benefits of breastfeeding and nurturing mother-infant interaction to prevent infection and promote health and development are especially important when health and other community services are themselves disrupted or limited. Mothers and infants should be supported to remain together, and practice skin-to-skin contact and/or kangaroo care whether or not they or their infants have suspected, probable, or confirmed COVID-19 virus infection.”

While the world feels like a gloomy place these days, it is easy to remember we are fighting so hard for the babies of tomorrow. Making sure that women have the appropriate means and access to relevant resources to give this next generation the best possible chance at creating a better tomorrow is imperative.

This may, of course, beg the question: What do relevant and appropriate means look like to aid women in having access to the resources they may need to breastfeed? 

The Fair Labor Standards Act covers laws for women in the workplace here, in America, stating that they must be provided basic accommodations while breastfeeding while at work. This is a global initiative though and not all countries have rights protected by law for mothers in this situation.

Mamas, we are in this together and by supporting each other we can make feeding our babies an easier task.

Talk about it, advocate for other mothers, be a friend in the workplace when someone needs help. The louder the conversation, the more change that can occur.

If you want to know more information about this or participate in live webinars on the subject, find more information here: https://www.paho.org/en/campaigns/world-breastfeeding-week-campaign-2021

Our Therapists Know Infertility Is Isolating, You are Not Alone

Wanting to be a parent and not being able to is one of the most challenging emotions we can experience as a person. The longing to have a baby is made much harder during the month of May. This is a month dedicated to moms everywhere, and it just adds to the reminder of something we can not yet have.

These circumstances are all challenging. To be consistently longing for something that feels unattainable is exhausting and takes energy and anguish. On top of that, you have family members, friends, and neighbors asking questions about your lack of children or timing or your life. They all seem to be saying the wrong things and you’re not sure why they just don’t understand. 

You are not alone. 1 in 8 women struggle with infertility.

How can these conversations get easier? Myths and stigma can be reasons why individuals still struggle with the idea of infertility.

According to the National Association of Infertility, here are some common examples:

Myth: Infertility is a women’s problem.

Truth: This is untrue. It surprises most people to learn that infertility is a female problem in 35% of the cases, a male problem in 35% of the cases, a combined problem of the couple in 20% of cases, and unexplained in 10% of cases. It is essential that both the man and the woman be evaluated during an infertility work-up.

Myth: Don’t worry so much — it just takes time. You’ll get pregnant if you’re just patient.

Truth: Infertility is a medical problem that may be treated. At least 50% of those who complete an infertility evaluation will respond to treatment with a successful pregnancy. Some infertility problems respond with higher or lower success rates. Those who do not seek help have a “spontaneous cure rate” of about 5% after a year of infertility.

Myth: Why don’t you just forget it and adopt? After all, there are so many babies out there who need homes!

Truth: For many, adoption is a happy resolution to infertility. However, most people explore medical treatment for infertility prior to considering adoption. In addition, traditional adoption options have changed, and adoption can be more costly and time-consuming than expected. It is, however, still possible to adopt the healthy baby of your dreams. There are also many older children and children with special needs available for adoption.

Myth: Maybe you two are doing something wrong!

Truth: Infertility is medical and not do to sexual dysfunction.

So, now that we have covered some common misconceptions and myths, we can tackle how to handle the situation when someone you know is struggling with this.

Some important takeaways to be more aware and empathetic of while discussing someone’s infertility can be as follows: 

Do not minimize their emotions and struggle.

Ways people often minimize the struggles that a woman dealing with infertility may face would be telling them to relax, complaining over your struggles as a parent like sleep deprivation and busy schedules, expressing that there are “worse things that could happen,” or being crude and offering up inappropriate opinions to a person who is vulnerable. Though you may make these comments trying to sympathize or provide support, they are often not received with that same intent. 

Support their decision to stop treatment. 

Fertility treatment is difficult and time consuming. No one is going to continue doing it forever. It is likely that the couple’s decision to stop was hard enough as it is, it would not be helpful for them to feel judged or pressured in the process. This often leads down the path of adoption. Do not discourage them from adopting but on this same end, do not pressure them toward adoption. Ultimately, the way they wish to pursue their future family does not have much to do with you, and does have everything to do with them- let them make choices on their own. 

And finally, remember them on Mother’s day. 

On Mother’s Day we are often bombarded with a barrage of images, videos, cards, commercials, and gifts all dedicated toward mothers. Though we should not ignore the responsibilities and pressures a mother faces, it is a painful time for those who cannot become mothers. No matter if including them means sending them a card to let them know you are thinking of them or stopping by to be a support system, they will appreciate not being forgotten. 

Source and for more information, please read more at: https://resolve.org/support/for-friends-and-family/

Therapists Answer: So How Does Therapy Really Work?

Deciding to give therapy a try is encouraging and empowering!

Understanding that there could be things you need to work on can be difficult and I promise we know it took true strength for you to decide to trust us with your mental health. Therapy is not the replacement for a friend, a quick fix, or a place to get advice. Therapy is a safe space to explore your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors with a professional who can help guide you through them. It is also important to remember that therapy is a process and will take time. You may have waited a long time to tackle these problems and they are probably draining your energy. It can be difficult to be patient with the therapy process, as you probably want this to be an immediate fix to everything you’ve been quietly dealing with.

The reality of it truly is that therapy is an art and a science.

When  we think about therapy, we have to consider it as a process in which the client will undergo phases. There are 4 main phases to the therapy process.

Phase 1: The Commitment Phase

This can be thought of as the beginning of the therapeutic relationship. Within this phase the counselor and the client will spend time getting to know each other, building trust, and empowering the client to allow them to feel safe and willing to share their experience. This can be expected to take anywhere between 3-6 sessions primarily dedicated to relationship building.

You can expect to talk about your goals for therapy, things that you have been struggling with, maybe play games, and begin to notice some small changes in your mindset. 

It is important to remember that you, or your child, will not make major progress right away. Though it may have taken a lot of courage to come see someone, you should not expect to make big changes and start feeling better right away. This phase should look more like finding stability through motivation and psychoeducation than making changes. 

The client can expect to learn coping skills, mindfulness strategies, and tips to manage their negative symptoms. 

Phase 2: The Process Phase

In the Process phase, it is expected that trust has been built and the client may finally start to open up about significant life events that they had been holding back before. For clients that laid it all out on the table in the first session, this is the time that they will be able to dive back into those experiences and search for patterns or new information that they may have skipped over the first time. 

This is often a time for consolidation between the client and the therapist. This is the most complex stage of treatment because the client will often begin to understand main themes in their lives that they may have ignored or not noticed before. The client will be able to spot out incongruence or inconsistency within their life and their counselor will help them make sense of these patterns by confronting the connections between their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. 

In this phase, the client can expect to begin implementing the skills they have learned and using them to their advantage within their daily lives, outside of the therapy room. 

Phase 3: The Change Phase

This phase, deep into the therapeutic process, is where the client will begin to identify the differences between their previously perceived self, to their more healthy version of themselves. They will be able to relinquish their negative identity and consciously replace it with a new, more positive version of themselves. 

The client can expect to initiate further changes they feel are necessary and be able to sustain positive behavior because they prefer these behaviors over their previously used maladaptive behaviors. 

Phase 4: The Termination Phase

Termination, or graduation, from therapy is the final stage of the therapeutic process when the client is officially an expert of their own mind, and it implies that the therapist and the patient recognize each other as autonomous and independent individuals.  The dependence for the therapist will begin to diminish and the client can be expected to realize their own strengths and responsibilities for their own life. 

The client will be able to identify their own ability to make choices and respect their own personal autonomy. Although in some cases this phase may pass extremely fast, this phase often lasts longer than the rest of the treatment. This can happen either in the form of memories and fantasies concerning the therapist, particularly at times of stress, or as infrequent requests for maintenance sessions with the therapist.

Infertility Does Not Define You - A Therapy Perspective

1 in 8 couples will have trouble conceiving a baby, that means 1 in 8 of your family members and friend group. That is too many people to even count, yet why do we feel all alone when we can not grow our family? Instead of talking, sharing and learning to empower each other we create guilt, fear and shame that does not allow us to grow. Infertility does not have to define you or hold you back, your worth is not based on your ability to have a baby.

So what is infertility?

According to the Office of Women’s Health, for women under the age of 35, infertility is defined by not being able to get pregnant after one year of trying. If you are over the age of 35, it is categorized by 6 months of trying. In the United Sates, about 10% of women between the ages of 15-44 have difficulty getting pregnant or staying pregnant according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention.

Here are some common Misconceptions about infertility:

It is the woman’s fault.

This is not always the case. In fact, about 1/3 of infertility cases are due to maternal factors and 1/3 are due to paternal factors. The other third of problems regarding infertility are unknown or caused by a mixture of both.

Most people can conceive whenever they want.

In fact, according to the Fertility Specialist Medical group, it is normal for even two perfectly healthy, fertile people to try for a few months to get pregnant. Over five million Americans of child bearing age have some sort of issues with fertility in their lifetime.

Infertility means you cannot have a child.

Infertility only means that you have been unsuccessful in conceiving a child naturally after one year of trying. In today’s society, with the help of modern medicine, the majority of people who seek help and are given the proper treatment do go on the have children.

Now, because infertility is typically a private thing, you may not know that your sister, cousin, friend, brother, aunt, uncle, niece or nephew is struggling with the stress of not being able to conceive. Therefore, it is important that we stay impartial to those who may be having a hard time.

There is no reason to place stress on couples to grow their family.

Questions like, “So, when should we be expecting a new member?” or “You’ve been together for a while, why haven’t you gotten pregnant yet?” can be extremely painful questions.

Parenthood is a transition into adult life for men and women individually, as well as a couple. Being unable to have a child can lead to serious negative emotions like anxiety, depression, and anger which can ultimately lead into marital problems and social isolation.

Couples that are going through this may feel burdened by the ideas of stigmatization and diminishing self-esteem. This is why empathy is so important.

If someone you know reaches out to you about their struggles with infertility, here are a few things you should NOT do:

Offer recommendations.

Unless you are an expert on the subject, chances are you will offer the same advice google did, which can be extremely stressful and redundant. Sometimes offering an ear is the best you can do.

Be overly expressive about your own pregnancy.

Although it is great for you to be excited for yourself, this is sensitive for others. If you know someone who is dealing with this, it may be difficult for you to share your good news with them. If they are your friend, you can still tell them, just in a more sensitive manner. Instead of bursting with joy over the phone, maybe reach out over dinner and casually let them know, including the fact that you do not want to upset them but rather keep them in the loop.

Be dismissive.

Saying things like “It will work itself out.” Or “You’re still so young!” can make someone feel as though their feelings are inadequate. Instead, offer support and let them know you are around to help if they ever need it.

Just remember, you don’t always know what is going on behind closed doors. You don’t always know what people are battling. Be cautious with what you say to couples who do not have children (or are trying for a second) and try to just listen.

A Therapist Shares The Truth About Therapy

How do you feel about the word therapy? Some of us are under the impression that attending therapy means we are going “crazy” or “insane.” This is false and if you believe this you are actually stereotyping and increasing the stigma related to mental health. Therapy is for ALL, the everyday unique person who simply wants to better them self. You do not have to be experiencing a major life crisis, transformation or a traumatic event to benefit from someone listening to you.

I want to debunk some therapy rumors and clear up any misconceptions about therapy:

1. My issues are not a big deal: Your anxiety may be related to things others may not understand or empathize with. That does not mean they do not matter or are important to you. By coming to therapy you can talk to someone who can empathize, listen and understand how illogical thoughts may be growing in your own head.

2. In therapy I will be told what to do: Nope, that is the most far from the truth. A therapist listens and guides. We do not tell anyone what to do. You come up with our choices based on what you want to accomplish. In therapy, you gain insight and the ability to make your own healthy choices.

3. My therapist does not care about my problems: That may be true or not, every therapist is different and unique. If you feel they do not empathize or understand you, please leave. Find another therapist, we are as unique as you are and we all have different talents. The most important thing for you to benefit from therapy is simply your relationship with your therapist and how well you get along.

4. It is too expensive: This can be true, but it can also be false. Therapists can work with insurance providers, some have sliding scales or discounts for college students. I always say therapy is not permanent, it is an investment. Put away your online shopping habit and instead commit to something that can help you gain better relationships, a promotion and self-esteem.

5. Talking won’t help me solve anything: Of course, it can! You just have not found the right person for you to talk to. See talking to a therapist is not like talking to a friend, spouse or family member. It is unique in that your therapist has no motif, no underlying gain. Plus they do not know you or your acquaintances. A therapist learns to see you the way you see yourself, through your own eyes.

6.  I can not change people around me: Very true, in therapy, you will learn this. But you should not be going to therapy to change people, you should be going to therapy to improve your own thinking and insight.

7. It is embarrassing: If you feel this way, talk about it in therapy. I do not see people feeling embarrassed about going to the doctor, dentist and even your gynecologist. Talking to a therapist is empowering.

8. Therapy is forever: No, it does not have to be forever. Find a therapist with a therapy style that gives you results (not every therapist is the same). You do not have to invest your entire future going to therapy.

Please remember your therapist is a human too. In fact, many of us attend our own therapy. It is not as shocking, embarrassing or outlandish as you may think. We study the art and science of psychology, it is important for us all to realize our own limitations and to consult with other like-minded humans, who are impartial and non-biased when we need an extra boost.

Four Things I Learned as a Newlywed

My life has changed after being married to my husband for almost two years and dating him for about seven. I can say we have shared some wonderful moments together and some not so great times as well. Being young adults has given us an opportunity to grow, learn and thrive together. Many of us know relationships are hard work, marriage is no exception. Here is what I have learned (so far) as a newlywed: 

1. Using the word marriage does add pressure: As much as you want to believe "nothing will change" and "it is just like dating, except you live together." Well no, marriage is a commitment and as any other commitment you do noticeably try harder. This pressure is not completely negative and it does have rewarding moments. Like when you need someone to come help change your tire, give you advice or vent about a long day at work. My husband is always there; he is the most wonderful, caring and loving man! 

2. You will agree to disagree: Not always agreeing is typical, but now the conversations or topics may not be so light and fluffy. Disagreements will happen regarding houses, cars, babies, puppies, holidays and everything in between. Learn to talk and listen to one another. You can reach agreements by caring, being understanding and empathetic. I try to not forget why I am married in the first place!

3. You will learn to put the other person first: No matter how selfish you once were, you will change. Cooking (despite not enjoying it), going to see his favorite band, going to his favorite hang out, watching his TV shows (and much more) are all things that will change for the better. This change will be equal for both of you, you will notice he will put you first too!  

4. Happiness is what you make of it: Not everyday will be great, stress will always be present. Your view points will change, you will change jobs, you will have new friends, you will go back to school and your childhood family will have disagreements. Learning to see the bright side of things can help you foster a positive relationship, grow and learn (no matter the stress.) 

The first year of marriage is not easy, it is not for everyone but it is for me! Everyday I choose to be happy and committed in my marriage. I make this commitment despite the pressures, disagreements, selfishness, ups and downs of my everyday life. 

Relationship Love Bank

All couples experience disagreements, this is a part of being two different people with emotional needs. What if there was a way to improve your relationships by using the balance of giving and taking everyday? 

You are in luck, there is such a thing! The concept of a "love bank" can be applied to how many times love is deposited and withdrawn from your relationship. Deposits can be compliments, actions, words of kindness, spending time together and positive ways in which you make your partner feel special. The withdrawals on the other hand are harsh, negative criticisms, attacks and insults. In order to maintain a well balanced "love bank" you must have more deposits daily rather than withdrawals. 

Now, what if a withdrawal is made and it is irreparable? This is a possibility with couples who have experienced a trauma, such as infidelity. The couple must decide if the relationship is worth fighting for and if the "love bank" can be once again filled. In this instance couples therapy can assist with the couples decision making to reflect each persons needs. 

Depositing into your own love bank and spending time with your own friends is also necessary for your relationship. Find time for your own interests and take time to connect with yourself outside of your partner. This will help you feel more complete and may lead to wanting to spend more time with your partner after you miss them. 

The "love bank" concept can help couples during negative times. Having increased positive deposits can make you a stronger couple and may make difficult moments more bearable. Depositing positive memories into your relationship "love bank" can help you and your partner feel more emotionally connected.