What is Anxiety?

Anxiety is an intense, excessive and persistent fear or worry of day-to-day life situations. It can be about a one-off stressful situation or about perceived scenarios that haven’t taken place. Feelings of anxiety can come on at any time, but being aware of some signs of anxiety can keep you aware and alert. 

Here are some signs that you may be experiencing anxiety: 

1. Feeling a sense of impending doom - Anxiety can show up as a feeling that something bad is about to happen even if there are not tangible signs that there is anything to be concerned about. It is a constant feeling of dread, worrying about the what-if’s of everyday life. 

2. Having trouble concentrating - Staying focused on everyday tasks and routines may become difficult during a bout of anxiety. Feeling like your mind is racing and not able to stay connected to reality are all signs that anxiety may be at work. 

3. Feeling restless or unable to fall asleep - When it’s time to fall asleep, anxiety won’t let you get a moment’s peace. Anxiety likes to take all of your attention and can leave you tired and on edge. 

4. Breathing rapidly or increase in heart rate - Physical signs of anxiety can show up as a pounding of the chest or difficulty breathing. With racing thoughts of the mind, the rest of the body can follow suit and take on outward signs of your internal feelings. 

5. Losing your temper or becoming easily irritated - With worry and anxiety constantly on your mind, it may become difficult to control your emotions. Having a short temper or being easily annoyed are two signs that your worry and anxiety are taking the focus of your day to day life. 

Anxiety can show up for many reasons. Understanding some signs of anxiety can help you identify triggers, assess your emotions and work toward improving your relationship with

5 Benefits of Mental Health Therapy

Are you still questioning what therapy can do for you? Therapy is a great place for anyone who needs to learn, find support and guidance. In therapy, your therapist will be your facilitator. You will be encouraged to set goals, understand your emotions, improve your relationships and find new perspectives.

What does therapy offer me that my parents, friends, pets or other loved ones will not?

1. Meeting goals and setting realistic expectations:

• Often when you have your first session, or even throughout your sessions, you will create goals that represent the growth you want to achieve.

• Working with your counselor helps meet these goals. You can discuss over time how you are progressing and make changes when necessary.

• Counselors can also help gauge the scale of your goals and help you understand if they are reasonable.

2. Understand your own emotions: often we become distressed, we may not know why?

• Therapy can help you make sense of and understand your emotions. When you recognize what is happening in your body you can gain more control over your feelings.

• Learn about the chemicals and functions of your brain to help you understand how to create a healthy lifestyle.

• Recognize emotions to manage them.

3. Benefits you and your relationships:

• Therapy can help you learn how to best communicate.

• There are many relationships you may have all with different dynamics. Your relationship with your supervisor at work may be different than your relationship with your best friend but it is equally important to communicate effectively with both.

• Counselors can and will work with you on active listening, stepping back from conflict, setting boundaries, and working with others that do not agree with you. In turn, these skills can help build positive relationships.

4. Provide a safe place to process:

• Many people find comfort and reassurance in speaking with someone with no judgement.

• A counselor is skilled and has attended school to be able to help you, listen, and provide support and being open with your counselor is critical to problem solving

• The counseling room is a safe space to practice what your counselor is teaching you.

5. Find a new perspective:

• When we are in our own head it is hard to see anything past this point.

• We may think we are being logical but our own logic might be illogical.

• Through therapy you can shift your perspective and widen your sense of what is actually logical.

• This can help you regain a better sense of yourself and improve your relationships.

Therapy is a unique place where you go to reset your mind, learn about yourself and grow into the you, that you know you would like to be. The gift of therapy is called insight and no one can take this from you once you have experienced it.

Therapists Answer: So How Does Therapy Really Work?

Deciding to give therapy a try is encouraging and empowering!

Understanding that there could be things you need to work on can be difficult and I promise we know it took true strength for you to decide to trust us with your mental health. Therapy is not the replacement for a friend, a quick fix, or a place to get advice. Therapy is a safe space to explore your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors with a professional who can help guide you through them. It is also important to remember that therapy is a process and will take time. You may have waited a long time to tackle these problems and they are probably draining your energy. It can be difficult to be patient with the therapy process, as you probably want this to be an immediate fix to everything you’ve been quietly dealing with.

The reality of it truly is that therapy is an art and a science.

When  we think about therapy, we have to consider it as a process in which the client will undergo phases. There are 4 main phases to the therapy process.

Phase 1: The Commitment Phase

This can be thought of as the beginning of the therapeutic relationship. Within this phase the counselor and the client will spend time getting to know each other, building trust, and empowering the client to allow them to feel safe and willing to share their experience. This can be expected to take anywhere between 3-6 sessions primarily dedicated to relationship building.

You can expect to talk about your goals for therapy, things that you have been struggling with, maybe play games, and begin to notice some small changes in your mindset. 

It is important to remember that you, or your child, will not make major progress right away. Though it may have taken a lot of courage to come see someone, you should not expect to make big changes and start feeling better right away. This phase should look more like finding stability through motivation and psychoeducation than making changes. 

The client can expect to learn coping skills, mindfulness strategies, and tips to manage their negative symptoms. 

Phase 2: The Process Phase

In the Process phase, it is expected that trust has been built and the client may finally start to open up about significant life events that they had been holding back before. For clients that laid it all out on the table in the first session, this is the time that they will be able to dive back into those experiences and search for patterns or new information that they may have skipped over the first time. 

This is often a time for consolidation between the client and the therapist. This is the most complex stage of treatment because the client will often begin to understand main themes in their lives that they may have ignored or not noticed before. The client will be able to spot out incongruence or inconsistency within their life and their counselor will help them make sense of these patterns by confronting the connections between their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. 

In this phase, the client can expect to begin implementing the skills they have learned and using them to their advantage within their daily lives, outside of the therapy room. 

Phase 3: The Change Phase

This phase, deep into the therapeutic process, is where the client will begin to identify the differences between their previously perceived self, to their more healthy version of themselves. They will be able to relinquish their negative identity and consciously replace it with a new, more positive version of themselves. 

The client can expect to initiate further changes they feel are necessary and be able to sustain positive behavior because they prefer these behaviors over their previously used maladaptive behaviors. 

Phase 4: The Termination Phase

Termination, or graduation, from therapy is the final stage of the therapeutic process when the client is officially an expert of their own mind, and it implies that the therapist and the patient recognize each other as autonomous and independent individuals.  The dependence for the therapist will begin to diminish and the client can be expected to realize their own strengths and responsibilities for their own life. 

The client will be able to identify their own ability to make choices and respect their own personal autonomy. Although in some cases this phase may pass extremely fast, this phase often lasts longer than the rest of the treatment. This can happen either in the form of memories and fantasies concerning the therapist, particularly at times of stress, or as infrequent requests for maintenance sessions with the therapist.

A Therapist Shares The Truth About Therapy

How do you feel about the word therapy? Some of us are under the impression that attending therapy means we are going “crazy” or “insane.” This is false and if you believe this you are actually stereotyping and increasing the stigma related to mental health. Therapy is for ALL, the everyday unique person who simply wants to better them self. You do not have to be experiencing a major life crisis, transformation or a traumatic event to benefit from someone listening to you.

I want to debunk some therapy rumors and clear up any misconceptions about therapy:

1. My issues are not a big deal: Your anxiety may be related to things others may not understand or empathize with. That does not mean they do not matter or are important to you. By coming to therapy you can talk to someone who can empathize, listen and understand how illogical thoughts may be growing in your own head.

2. In therapy I will be told what to do: Nope, that is the most far from the truth. A therapist listens and guides. We do not tell anyone what to do. You come up with our choices based on what you want to accomplish. In therapy, you gain insight and the ability to make your own healthy choices.

3. My therapist does not care about my problems: That may be true or not, every therapist is different and unique. If you feel they do not empathize or understand you, please leave. Find another therapist, we are as unique as you are and we all have different talents. The most important thing for you to benefit from therapy is simply your relationship with your therapist and how well you get along.

4. It is too expensive: This can be true, but it can also be false. Therapists can work with insurance providers, some have sliding scales or discounts for college students. I always say therapy is not permanent, it is an investment. Put away your online shopping habit and instead commit to something that can help you gain better relationships, a promotion and self-esteem.

5. Talking won’t help me solve anything: Of course, it can! You just have not found the right person for you to talk to. See talking to a therapist is not like talking to a friend, spouse or family member. It is unique in that your therapist has no motif, no underlying gain. Plus they do not know you or your acquaintances. A therapist learns to see you the way you see yourself, through your own eyes.

6.  I can not change people around me: Very true, in therapy, you will learn this. But you should not be going to therapy to change people, you should be going to therapy to improve your own thinking and insight.

7. It is embarrassing: If you feel this way, talk about it in therapy. I do not see people feeling embarrassed about going to the doctor, dentist and even your gynecologist. Talking to a therapist is empowering.

8. Therapy is forever: No, it does not have to be forever. Find a therapist with a therapy style that gives you results (not every therapist is the same). You do not have to invest your entire future going to therapy.

Please remember your therapist is a human too. In fact, many of us attend our own therapy. It is not as shocking, embarrassing or outlandish as you may think. We study the art and science of psychology, it is important for us all to realize our own limitations and to consult with other like-minded humans, who are impartial and non-biased when we need an extra boost.

A Side of Love, Forgiveness and Patience - Relationships Matter

You're at your favorite date night restaurant, and you've been looking forward to it all day. You order the salad with dressing on the side and wait patiently as you sip your glass of wine. Finally, the waitress comes over with your delicious salad bowl, and you dive right in! It takes you about a minute to notice...she forgot your dressing. A little dismayed, you flag her down when she's near, and politely let her know. She's is so sorry! She was buzzing around and it simply slipped her mind, she asks that you please forgive her. You tell her it's no big deal at all, you just wanted to remind her. You offer a reassuring smile as she scurries to go get your dressing. Within seconds, it's on the table and you go right back to your meal. It is delicious and you are once again reminded as to why this is your favorite place. 

So why when your significant other doesn't listen to what you're saying or forgets something, are you not as forgiving and friendly as you were with the forgetful waitress?

Surely you love them more than the waitress, so what is keeping you from being just as kind?

Maybe because it's a common thing, and you feel as though you are constantly reminding, and repeating yourself.

If that is the case, ask yourself this: when is the last time someone had to remind me of something?

In today's world, I can guarantee it wasn't that long ago. 

Communication comes in two primary forms. Verbal, and non-verbal. It seems that in times of frustration or stress, many of us remember our verbal communications well, but what about the non-verbal? Have you ever said something was 'okay' with your mouth, but your face and that long sigh said something else? "It's fine, I'll just run to the store myself and get it." You say, as you snatch the keys and shove them in your pocket, marching towards the door.

Body language says everything when your mouth doesn't, and it can be one of the main roadblocks to proper communication. Reactions like this can bring such unnecessary stress into your relationship when one of you feels they have to walk on eggshells and have the memory of an elephant. The solution to this is something that must be practiced, and it involves three words.

Love. Forgiveness. Patience. 

There are many times during our day that I am sure we wish we had more patience. At the minimum, can we try to give our loved ones the same courtesy as we do our waiters and waitresses? All of us know what it is like to be human, and we should try to remember that the next time we say something without saying it. Do we want to be sure that we aren't doing this all for a show, right? Let's not smile through the conversation, and lament in our heads for the rest of the evening. Forgiveness not only releases the person, but it frees you as well from the burden of agonizing over it. The most important of the three is love, and it is my favorite. No matter what, you should always speak to your significant other out of love. This is a great way to keep yourself in check, and in times of frustration, you will be shocked at the results. Their reaction to being spoken to out of love rather than irritation will not only ease them but bring you both happiness in solving the issue together. Try it. Practice it. And be kind to everyone you meet, waitress included! 

Therapists Share Your First Semester at College Survival Guide

As a high school senior you were on top of the food chain. You probably knew your school like the back of your hand and best of all you were comfortable. August is finally here and the fall college semester will begin soon. Some of you are heading to schools where you will be one of thousands of students, others are heading to small schools in which you will be one of hundreds. Either way it is a BIG change and college anxiety is real. 

Here are some ways to ease your mind and look forward to your first day of college: 

1. Purchase the essentials: Aside the typical dorm items, remember to purchase school supplies and your books. Show up to class prepared and ready to take notes (even if it is the first day of class). In college professors will expect you to always be prepared to learn, there is no movie day or freebie. 

2. Go explore the campus: Learn where your dorm is, the nearest dining halls and where your classes are. Learn to take the bus and time how long you take to reach your destination. This will help you plan how much time you have between classes. 

3. Get to know your professors: No, you do not have to take them to lunch, but introduce yourself during a class break and research their ratings on www.ratemyprofessor.com or a similar website  (this will make you aware of their teaching style and personality).  

4. Get to know your roommates: Spend time together, talk, go out to eat and learn what you have in common. Your roommates can be a great part of your college experience (they still are a great part of my life). You will be living with them so make the best of it and work on building a friendship. 

5. Have a schedule: Write down and plan out your day (from start to finish). This will help ease your stress and increase your timeliness. You can add lunch, time with friends, work out time, study hours and quizzes to all fit your schedule. 

6. Have fun: Take the time to join clubs and make friends. College is not just about your studies. It is a great opportunity to make social connections (future work connections are always great) and explore the things that really interest you. This will help you find your identity, which can help you choose a career that aligns with who you are. 

Prepare yourself for a year of learning, fun and exciting new ventures! College is what you make of it. Remember to take one day at a time. Patience is key to learning your way around, adapting to a new environment and surviving your first semester.  

Mental Health Matters

"Once my loved ones accepted the diagnosis, healing began for the entire family, but it took too long. It took years. Can't we, as a nation, begin to speed up that process? We need a national campaign to destigmatize mental illness, especially one targeted toward African Americans...It's not shameful to have a mental illness. Get treatment. Recovery is possible."

–Bebe Moore Campbell, 2005
Co-developer of Minority Mental Health Month

I’d like to take a moment to first give kudos to the individuals and groups of individuals who have made great efforts to destigmatize mental health over the past several years.

Campaigns such as ‘Time to Change’, and Takethis.org have created safe spaces for individuals and their loved ones who experience mental illnesses to vent about their experiences, and connect with others who they can relate to. These sort of campaigns have been created with the purpose of destigmatizing mental health, and it seems that they have done an excellent job of educating individuals about mental health, and fostering hope for individuals by sharing venues for getting help.   

Unfortunately, it seems that many individuals still feel a sense of shame and helplessness when it comes time to getting care for themselves or for their loved ones. Statistics vary depending on the source, but between 1/5 and ¼ of all Americans are currently living with a diagnosable mental health condition. NAMI reports that individuals who are Hispanic, Black, Asian, and American Indian, are as or more likely to have a mental illness as white individuals. But when it comes to receiving care, White Americans are most likely to receive care for their mental health. African Americans and Hispanic Americans do not tend to receive the mental health services that they need and Asian Americans were found the least likely to receive care. 

So what explains this disparity between white individuals and minorities receiving mental health treatment? According to NAMI, individuals in multicultural communities receive a poorer quality of care, experience higher levels of stigma, receive services within a culturally insensitive health care system, may experience language barriers from their clinicians, and have lower rates of health insurance.  These statistics, although discouraging, serve as a sign to mental health practitioners that we need to do more to reach clients of all ethnic backgrounds, especially individuals who fall into these underserved communities. Minority Mental Health Month was developed to improve the public’s awareness of mental health among minorities and to improve access. 

What can you do to help?

Educating yourself and others about mental illnesses may be the first step. You can visit www.nami.org for additional information regarding the facts and myths associated with mental health. You can connect with other individuals and families, neighbors and people who have sought help for their mental health in the past. You may also speak with your doctor to see if therapy may be a good fit for you or a loved one.

It is not always easy to talk about mental health but by just reading this blog you are already helping others. Awareness is key and by coming together we can begin to end the stigma associated with mental illness, especially for minorities.

A Therapist Shares Thoughts on Ways to Love Summer

Aaah, it’s sweet summertime!  Our kids are out of school, or if we don’t have children at home, perhaps we’ve decided to take some time for ourselves this summer. Whether vacationing, stay-cationing, or simply taking some time to relax when we have a moment of peace after work, summertime can be ideal for connecting with oneself again, and refocusing on what is most important to us.  

Summertime can serve as a great time to reconnect with our values, strengthen coping mechanisms, and re-center ourselves. For school aged children, teens, and young adults, summer may serve as the ideal time to begin therapy. Oftentimes when planning for summer we think of all of the most enriching possible activities out there. We register our kids for a great summer camp, and plan educational trips to museums. We plan picnics outside at the beach, and splurge on all access passes to Adventure Island, (anything to beat the scorching Florida heat). We take time to travel, and to be outdoors. What we often overlook during the summer is helping our young ones, and ourselves, to work on our mental health.

The benefits of therapy are innumerable. Research indicates that 75% of individuals who enter therapy show some benefit (APA, 2017). The following are some benefits of attending therapy over the summer as I have identified. Keep in mind that everyone is different, and as you are reading I encourage you to open yourself up to what benefits you could see for yourself of going to therapy.

• Gain coping mechanisms In counseling we cultivate coping mechanisms that will be carried with us far beyond our time in the therapy room. Oftentimes when life throws us barriers, we develop coping mechanisms that don’t serve us. We may not even be aware of what these maladaptive mechanisms are. In therapy we learn to identify our not so helpful coping mechanisms, and to find what is healthy, and what works for us.

• Manage our stress The summer can be an ideal time to take a break from our usual routine, and to work through out stressors with our therapist. The act of going to therapy itself may also serve to reduce stress. Therapy means having regularly scheduled appointments to look forward to for y-o-u.

• Improve our concentration Whether we have a break from responsibilities this summer, or if we are still engaged in school and work, summer can be an excellent time to refocus, and to gain skills to help us concentrate throughout the year.

• Cultivate self-esteem It’s the dreaded time of year again when we get to see the beautiful (beautifully photoshopped) models showing off their tans and their ‘beach bodies’. Rather than focusing on trying to look like the celebrities we see, this summer perhaps we can turn inward to work on cultivating our self-esteem.

• Get a handle on our anxiety and depression Although we often think of wintertime as a time that individuals most often feel depressed and anxious, summertime can often bring those feelings to the forefront of our lives. The extra time off may be a relief, but it may also bring to light feelings we are coping with all year long. In therapy we can gain the skills we need to cope with feelings of anxiety and depression.

• Gaining insight of ourselves Our modern society doesn’t often provide us with opportunity (or time) to take a step back and think about ourselves as individuals. Therapy, for some, may be the first opportunity for a higher level of introspection, and may be an opportunity to feel truly heard and understood by a compassionate listener.

If you or a loved one has been on the fence about when the right time for counseling is, I hope you consider taking time for yourself this summer to find a counselor who is a good fit for you or your loved ones needs. Whether you are reading this post this summer, or if it’s any time of the year, I encourage you to find a clinician who will work alongside you while you work on yourself.

You Are Mom Enough - Our Therapist Shares Her Journey with Infertility

Mother's Day is a loving holiday in which mom's everywhere are celebrated. This year I celebrate my first with my baby boy. As much as I am all about celebrating moms in abundance, I know many women wanting, trying and hoping to become moms. For them Mother's Day is frustrating, devastating and disheartening.

This and every Mother's Day we need to celebrate all moms; not just moms who have gone through labor or have a child to kiss at night. We need to celebrate moms, who in their hearts are the definition of a mom. These heart moms know that someday their precious child will arrive and until then they just want to be included. 

Infertility is the most devastating experience I have had to endure. It tested my patience, relationships and dreams. Imagine the one thing you want most in life and not being able to have it. For me, Mother's Day was always the hardest. It made me feel like an outsider and I questioned if I would ever be a mom. 

By coming together, supporting one another and including every mom this Mother's Day (and every Mother's Day) we can all help each other feel mom enough. Heart moms want to feel love and support. A message, email, phone call or an outing can give a heart mom a great boost of hope today. It may just be one of the best Mother's Day gifts, from one mom to another. 

New Year, New You

This New Year do you have a resolution to be healthier, happier and to focus on the positive? Now that we are near the end of January your motivation may be dwindling. You may be starting to make excuses and prolong working out, letting negative people influence your decisions or focusing on negative events that you feel are out of your control. If you are feeling this way, you are not alone! Like many of us, you need to regain focus, set realistic goals and feel accountable. 

1. Make time for your goals: You have to plan time everyday to focus on your goals. Make a schedule for yourself and create a routine. Having a schedule will make your goals that much easier to accomplish.  

2. Set goals that are attainable and specific: Create goals that start small and that you can progress with (Ex: Walk around the block and make progress towards running a 5K). Make a list of rewards to help motivate you to complete your goals (Earn a cheat meal, a new clothing item, a glass of wine). Write down your goal details and track your progress, you will stay focused even when you feel least motivated.  

3. Share your goals with others: This will hold you accountable for your goals and success. Tell your friends and family what your goals are and ask them to help you stay on track. It will help them feel included and encourage them to give you positive feedback. Everyone needs a cheerleader!

You can make a change for yourself this year by dedicating yourself to maintaining your goals! Do not let yourself become discouraged, your great work will not go unnoticed. Keep your focus, set yourself up for success and build a great support network. 

What does domestic violence teach children?

Domestic violence is a private matter that has been brought into the public eye much in part to the NFL and the poor decisions of some football players. Many of us have heard the story about Ray Rice's wife and about their troubled marriage. Much of the talk about domestic violence is usually spent discussing what the parents are experiencing and although this is important, I ask "what about the kids?" Many people do not realize how domestic violence impacts a child's physical, mental and emotional development. 

By witnessing domestic violence a child can learn.....   

that hitting or yelling at others is an appropriate way of communicating 
hitting or yelling equals respect 
by hitting or yelling other people listen to you
physical strength is more important than anything else
to have difficulty trusting other adults and parents
to fight peers at school and break things at home
that a foundation for a relationship is fighting 
in all relationships someone must be submissive
physical strength is emotional strength
that all men or women are violent (depending on who is the abuser) 
the poor ability to cope with stress or anxiety 
the poor ability to resolve problems without fighting or arguing 
to have low self esteem related to self blame for the domestic violence
to be afraid when other people are yelling around the 
to hide their problems in the face of fear 
to not trust mom and dad since they can barely trust themselves 
to be insecure with themselves and others 
and that all adults are violent people  

Domestic violence is violence against a family unit, everyone is impacted. Children are very much affected by what they see and hear at home. A simple verbal argument among adults can start a downward spiral in their young minds. If you or someone you know is in a domestic violence relationship, I ask that you please find help, maybe not for yourself but definitely for your children. 

How is humor a sign of depression?

The tragic death of the beloved Robin Williams has everyone asking "how?" Robin starred in many magnificent movie roles and was well known for his on screen talents. As with any national figure who has passed, you turn on the TV, radio or search through Facebook and everyone is in mourning, trying to collect the pieces. The question remains, how could a famous comedian be depressed to the point of suicide?

This answer begins with our definition or stereotype of depression. If you ask most of us, a depressed person is described as someone who exhibits the following: shyness, loss of interest, speaks minimally, isolates, sadness, tears, anger, poor appearance, has trouble eating or sleeping, does not smile or even laugh. Even though the above is true for most depressed clients, it is only a generalization. Depression can be masked or hidden if we really try to not make it apparent. This hidden depression is extremely dangerous since family, friends and loved ones are unaware of possible underlying symptoms. 

Someone who is depressed does not necessarily have to be honest about it and may use humor to cover a very sad truth. Humor and laughter are emotions quite opposite from sadness or anger which are typically associated with depression. For Robin Williams laughter was his way of coping with his true loneliness and despair. Some depressed clients, believe facing true and uncomfortable emotions is too frightening and they would rather just avoid any sorrow. Unfortunately, Robin used humor as his coping skill and all too well. 

As grief stricken fans, now all we can do is learn, hope and become more aware of depression symptoms. Depression can lead to suicide and depression does not always fit a stereotype. Do not be fooled by those around you who may seem to have it all, many people hide their true emotions for their own self protection. Being vulnerable and learning to face our demons without humor can be a true feat in itself. 

Parents have no fear, August is here!

As the days of the new school year are slowly approaching, the summer calm is winding down. Parents are excited for their children to leave the house and be back at school. As much as I hear parents cheering, their children are not. Now if we could all just be on the same page? 

Here are some great ways for everyone to slowly transition back to school while still being in the "summer" mindset!

1. Set an adjusted bed time: Simulating a "school night" bed time prior to the start of school, will help your family begin to feel as if back to school is almost here. This is a tool to ease your kids in transitioning to an ideal bed time!

2. Schedule a time for homework: Many kids have to read books or complete projects during summer break. Right now would be a great time to make sure these assignments are completed and will be turned in on time. Sit with your kids, ask them to schedule a couple of hours a day for school work during their last summer weeks. If no homework needs to be completed, assign them homework assignments (you can find simulated school worksheets online). 

3. Plan back to school snacks: This can help ease children back to their school routine and increase their excitement for the new school year. Talk about healthy and tasty snacks that they may enjoy eating their first week back at school. This will give them something to look forward to! 

4. Go back to school shopping: For many children this is the best part of back to school. The new sneakers, shirts, notebooks and markers. Plan a budget together and go shopping together! Encourage your child to pick out an agenda book and notebooks, that they can use to start the year in an organized fashion. 

5. Explore the school: This is a must if your child will be attending a new school! It will help calm their nerves on the first day of class. Go tour the school together and find where their class is, the nearest bathrooms, office and lunch room. 

6. Talk about making and keeping friends: Discussing with your child how to meet new friends and maintain old friends is a social skill that they can always have handy. Practice meeting new kids through role-plays, to help calm their anxiety. Some children are more excited about meeting new friends and will use this as motivation for wanting to go back to school. 

Make these last weeks a back to school practice, by reminding your child of all the positive activities that await this new school year!

How is your teens self esteem?

As parents most of you believe you are in touch with your teen and would be able to tell if there was a problem growing at school or at home. One of the easiest ways to be aware about how your teen is feeling is to pay attention to how self confident they are feeling or acting.  Is your teen isolated, have little to no friends, are they talkative, are they moody or do you simply not know any of these answers? 

If you are unsure of your teen's self esteem level, here are some steps you can take to learn about their self confidence: 

1. Keep an open dialect: Ask, listen and summarize when you have conversations. This will help establish trust and keep your relationship growing. If they are answering poorly or barely answering, they may be hiding their low self esteem. If they are talking to you, you can learn about their self esteem just by listening.  

2. Meet their friends: They spend about half their time at school with their friends. Ask them to invite friends over, meet their friends and get to know them. Learn what their hobbies and interests are. Are your teens friends involve din drug use or sexual activity? If yes, this can be a sign of low self esteem. Judge as a parent how your teen is choosing friends and if they are genuine. 

3. Be observant: Look for signs of unhappiness, worry, sadness or anger. Mood swings to a certain extent are common in teens but if it is prolonged or excessive this can be a sign of anxiety or depression. 

Use the above steps to recognize your teens self esteem. Repeat the steps until you see that your teen is confident, if you see warning signs that your teen has low self esteem do not feel frustrated. Pick up the phone and do not hesitate to contact a professional! 

Stop Procastinating & Start Accomplishing

We have all had those days when we have done the impossible to not finish a college paper, go to work or complete a daunting task! We would much rather be enjoying ourselves passing the time watching our favorite TV show, playing on Face Book, cleaning or going out. What if somehow we could stop prolonging and just start doing? 

Here are four easy ways to start accomplishing: 

1. Stop being so impulsive: You have to balance the positives and negatives (of completing and not completing the task.) Taking some time to think about your decision can contribute to you making a more positive decision. 

2. Find some other alternative for the short term "high" of procrastination: You may recognize the feeling as a boost of emotions, anxiety and exhaustion. Believe it or not this can be addicting but finding another positive alternative can help decrease your craving for the procrastination "high." 

3. Practice self control: Learning to balance responsibilities by planning tasks that need to be completed is a step in the right direction. This comes with practice and recalling what your responsibilities are. 

4. Visualize completing the task: This will help you picture yourself accomplishing your goal. It is beneficial to focus on the end product and reward. This is important for you to gain motivation! 

Remember to not be intimidated by your task, getting started is the fastest way to reaching the end! 

How to change anxious thoughts?

Many people become discouraged by intrusive thoughts. It can lead to questioning how we are performing, how we view ourselves and what others think of us. Anxious thoughts can be prolonging you from succeeding in your everyday life. Sometimes we underestimate the power of a thought. What some people may not realize is that your thinking, feeling and behavior are all an equilibrium. Fortunately you can change your thoughts before they spiral out of control!

Here are some ways you can stop anxious thoughts:

1. Recognize how you are feeling 

2. Do not avoid the anxious thoughts 

3. Try to reason and logic with your thoughts 

4. Take small steps each day to reduce your fears

5. Practice being in the "here and now"

6. Repeat and keep changing, little by little everyday 

10 Tips for Parenting Kids with ADHD

1. Organize yourself: Place backpacks, clothing and toys in the same place everyday 

2. Avoid becoming distracted: Do not turn on the TV, MP3 or computer while completing another task 

3. Limit your choices: Offer children a choice between no more than two items (food, clothing, toy...) 

4. Communicate tasks as simple as possible: Use clear, brief and concise directions 

5. Have a reward system: Use charts and list realistic attainable goals and track positive behavior

6. Discipline effectively: Do not use spanking or yelling, instead have limited timeouts and remove privileges as a consequence 

7. Have a routine: Follow the most similar structure daily 

8. Use positive language: Tell your child what you want them to do, not what you want them to not do 

9.  Do not blame: Blaming children will negatively impact their self esteem 

10. Be hands on: Have fun, play outside and save some time during the day for just your child (no distractions) 

The New Normal

Miss Indiana, Mekayla Diehl has been attracting positive recognition since the swimsuit competition during the Miss USA broadcast. Diehl revealed that she weighs 135 pounds and does not consider herself curvy. She attributes her great figure to working out and eating healthy.  

Although she has managed to attract positive reactions, the question remains: Is this the new normal? Well no, a female weighing 135 pounds or being curvy is not new. What is new, is females with different body types are gaining confidence and are not afraid to show off their bodies! 

Having confidence is important for all girls from a very young age. Many girls grow up looking at stick figure models and idealize this body figure. The majority of the girls idolizing these models are also experiencing insecurities. They begin to formulate the idea that looking thin and being secure are the same thing. This idea grows and can become dangerous, to the point of starvation and eating disorders!

Prevention and early intervention when it comes to teaching girls about body image and feeling secure about their bodies is one way to stop the "I want to be thin" craze. Now that America has responded in a positive manner to Miss Indiana let us keep spreading the confidence. Females have to learn that by the way we think, act and feel about our bodies we can continue to teach others that loving ourselves is most important! 

Eat Dinner as a Family

Many of us live hectic lives and have little to no time to dine together as a family. We have more time to tweet, post on Facebook or text it seems. Less families are putting technology aside and sitting down for dinner while having meaningful conversations. 

Around the dinner table families are able to share stories about their day and gain stronger connections to one another. The time we spend with our children is crucial in their development. They learn social cues, norms and values from modeling our behavior. 

Research also supports that family dinners: decrease childhood obesity, families eat healthier in general, adolescents are less likely to engage in risky behavior, children and adolescents have stronger relationships with their parents. It is also found that children and adolescents also want to spend time as a family eating meals together. 

Eating dinner together is a great way to connect with one another during our busy days! Here is a link for the Family Dinner Challenge, to help you and your family get started in dining together: http://www.thescramble.com/family-dinner-challenge/

Relationship Love Bank

All couples experience disagreements, this is a part of being two different people with emotional needs. What if there was a way to improve your relationships by using the balance of giving and taking everyday? 

You are in luck, there is such a thing! The concept of a "love bank" can be applied to how many times love is deposited and withdrawn from your relationship. Deposits can be compliments, actions, words of kindness, spending time together and positive ways in which you make your partner feel special. The withdrawals on the other hand are harsh, negative criticisms, attacks and insults. In order to maintain a well balanced "love bank" you must have more deposits daily rather than withdrawals. 

Now, what if a withdrawal is made and it is irreparable? This is a possibility with couples who have experienced a trauma, such as infidelity. The couple must decide if the relationship is worth fighting for and if the "love bank" can be once again filled. In this instance couples therapy can assist with the couples decision making to reflect each persons needs. 

Depositing into your own love bank and spending time with your own friends is also necessary for your relationship. Find time for your own interests and take time to connect with yourself outside of your partner. This will help you feel more complete and may lead to wanting to spend more time with your partner after you miss them. 

The "love bank" concept can help couples during negative times. Having increased positive deposits can make you a stronger couple and may make difficult moments more bearable. Depositing positive memories into your relationship "love bank" can help you and your partner feel more emotionally connected.