Good Bye Mom Guilt - Hello Mental Health

Having the job of a mom, mommy or mama comes with many mixed emotions and responsibility. Your cute kiddies can bring you lots of love, connection and joy. We all know moms always try to put their kids before themselves.

Does having kids and being a mom mean all of your wants and needs are no longer important?

We often find, in all moms- new and experienced- we carry a LOT of responsibilities. These responsibilities can come with moments that make us feel lonely, isolated or that we are simply not doing enough. 

It can become natural for mothers to fall into a cycle of carrying the weight of what feels like the world on their shoulders and neglecting themselves in the process. It is also common for moms to question their ability to be a good mother. We have all heard those intrusive thoughts, just constantly asking yourself if you are doing it all wrong? Does that seem familiar? 

Mom guilt is that feeling.

The feelings of anxiousness, doubt, or worry that you may be falling short of your expectations in some way. The symptoms of mom guilt can be extensive, last for a long time, and can be intense and intrusive in nature. Sometimes you may even feel like nothing you do is right and you may discount your accomplishments.

This leads you to believe that you cannot do anything right and then this is where we struggle. No one is perfect and therefore, we cannot expect every mom to be either. You will make mistakes, you may not succeed in everything you try to accomplish, but this I know, your kids love you. Even when you feel like you may be falling short, kids are resilient and are often able to work through their problems with the help of empathy and mutual respect. 

So, what does that mean for you, as a mom?

You may not feel like you’re being a perfect mom. The reality is, you’re probably not. Mom imperfections are NORMAL. I do not know a single person who can complete multiple jobs and balance multiple tasks, all while making zero mistakes… Do you? 

Your perception of what a “good mom” or a “perfect mom” is, comes from a thought usually not created by you. It is a construct that you have been passed down by society, your mother, your husband, or maybe even the book we read to better prepare ourselves for motherhood. The fault here is that mothers do not need to be perfect. In fact, they need to be imperfect.

Responding to your mistakes, repairing things that you have broken, and addressing your flaws as a human can also aid in building your child's ability to overcome obstacles and tackle tricky interpersonal situations. 

Your child’s psychosocial health actually benefits from your imperfections. If you were perfect, your child would not have the opportunity to learn how to learn from mistakes, apologize, forgive, love, or be HUMAN. 

So, here is your reminder: You are doing great, even when you feel that you are not doing your best. 

New Year, This is Me: Our Therapists Share New Year Mindsets

After a year filled with grief, loss, quarantines, and an ample amount of self-reflection, the imposition of a new year may feel daunting.

As human beings, we tend to place a lot of pressure on the beginning of a new year. A behavior we have learned and perfected throughout our whole lives, simply by participating in new year’s resolutions and taking advantage of those discounted gym membership opportunities.

January, for most of us, is what we know as an opportunity to “start fresh” and leave the previous year behind us. Except, this past year was no ordinary year. It will be impossible for some of us to leave the events that we may have experienced in 2020 in the past, as nothing but a memory, like we have many times before.

Good Riddance 2020

Throughout 2020, some of us experienced loneliness like we have never felt or financial instability that seemed unavoidable. The year 2020 has created a multitude of social anxieties, ranging from the fear of getting sick yourself to deciding to send your children back to in-person school. We have had to miss holidays, birthdays, reschedule weddings and postpone funerals. And although we may have found some fun through this dreadful year- some people got a new pet, some really perfected their yoga skills, and I think we all learned to appreciate nature a little more- some of these events were just traumatizing.

Realistic Expectations

So, I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to skip the “new year, new me” and maybe, together, we can take the pressure off the expectations of evolving and exponential growth. Instead, let’s focus on our mental health and allow ourselves to just be- be funny, be sad, be happy, be quiet, be loud, or even just be tired. If we can set our intentions for this year to simply be, growth will follow.

To begin the year, whether that means sending the kids back to school, beginning a new semester, or taking on life as a new graduate, it may be helpful to try a few things to navigate 2021 as best we can. We can start by utilizing skills of self-reflection. I may not be easy to self-reflect, as this can be just as daunting as the coming of a new year but take a look at the life you have created for yourself and allow yourself to accept an unchanged you.

Maybe though, while reflecting, you realize there are some things that you feel were not helpful or productive and maybe you are ready for change. We can then discuss some healthy vehicles for change to make those transitions as smooth as possible.

At the end of the day, or the beginning of the year, we all are ultimately faced with a new normal and we are all separately going to have to learn what that means for us.

So, welcome to 2021, or in other words, just another week…