6 Signs of Anxiety

Anxiety is an odd emotion. When we are thinking of things that may or may not happen we can become worried, but when the worrying turns into rumination it causes anxiety.

Anxiety can be difficult to manage and seeking help early can cause a major difference. If you are unsure, here are some signs that you may be experiencing anxiety.

1. Excessive worrying- When something crosses your mind but lingers around we can get stuck on that thought. If there is something bothering you on an hourly, or daily basis you may be having anxiety.

2. Stomach pain- This may seem untrue but your stomach has a lot to do with anxiety. Sometimes when we are worried about something it can cause pain and cramping.

3. Avoidance- Are you starting to avoid things, people, or places because you know they cause you to be anxious? Going to these places or seeing these people can increase our anxiety and result in choosing not to do certain things.

4. Increased heart rate and sweating- Being nervous can cause the body to react physically.

5. Lack of appetite- When we are anxious we may not feel like eating.

6. Fidgeting- Many times when we are worried we will fidget.

While there are many indicators and signs of anxiety, there are also many ways to combat anxiety. Managing it can be easier when it is caught early. Talking with a professional can always help.

Our Therapists Know Infertility Is Isolating, You are Not Alone

Wanting to be a parent and not being able to is one of the most challenging emotions we can experience as a person. The longing to have a baby is made much harder during the month of May. This is a month dedicated to moms everywhere, and it just adds to the reminder of something we can not yet have.

These circumstances are all challenging. To be consistently longing for something that feels unattainable is exhausting and takes energy and anguish. On top of that, you have family members, friends, and neighbors asking questions about your lack of children or timing or your life. They all seem to be saying the wrong things and you’re not sure why they just don’t understand. 

You are not alone. 1 in 8 women struggle with infertility.

How can these conversations get easier? Myths and stigma can be reasons why individuals still struggle with the idea of infertility.

According to the National Association of Infertility, here are some common examples:

Myth: Infertility is a women’s problem.

Truth: This is untrue. It surprises most people to learn that infertility is a female problem in 35% of the cases, a male problem in 35% of the cases, a combined problem of the couple in 20% of cases, and unexplained in 10% of cases. It is essential that both the man and the woman be evaluated during an infertility work-up.

Myth: Don’t worry so much — it just takes time. You’ll get pregnant if you’re just patient.

Truth: Infertility is a medical problem that may be treated. At least 50% of those who complete an infertility evaluation will respond to treatment with a successful pregnancy. Some infertility problems respond with higher or lower success rates. Those who do not seek help have a “spontaneous cure rate” of about 5% after a year of infertility.

Myth: Why don’t you just forget it and adopt? After all, there are so many babies out there who need homes!

Truth: For many, adoption is a happy resolution to infertility. However, most people explore medical treatment for infertility prior to considering adoption. In addition, traditional adoption options have changed, and adoption can be more costly and time-consuming than expected. It is, however, still possible to adopt the healthy baby of your dreams. There are also many older children and children with special needs available for adoption.

Myth: Maybe you two are doing something wrong!

Truth: Infertility is medical and not do to sexual dysfunction.

So, now that we have covered some common misconceptions and myths, we can tackle how to handle the situation when someone you know is struggling with this.

Some important takeaways to be more aware and empathetic of while discussing someone’s infertility can be as follows: 

Do not minimize their emotions and struggle.

Ways people often minimize the struggles that a woman dealing with infertility may face would be telling them to relax, complaining over your struggles as a parent like sleep deprivation and busy schedules, expressing that there are “worse things that could happen,” or being crude and offering up inappropriate opinions to a person who is vulnerable. Though you may make these comments trying to sympathize or provide support, they are often not received with that same intent. 

Support their decision to stop treatment. 

Fertility treatment is difficult and time consuming. No one is going to continue doing it forever. It is likely that the couple’s decision to stop was hard enough as it is, it would not be helpful for them to feel judged or pressured in the process. This often leads down the path of adoption. Do not discourage them from adopting but on this same end, do not pressure them toward adoption. Ultimately, the way they wish to pursue their future family does not have much to do with you, and does have everything to do with them- let them make choices on their own. 

And finally, remember them on Mother’s day. 

On Mother’s Day we are often bombarded with a barrage of images, videos, cards, commercials, and gifts all dedicated toward mothers. Though we should not ignore the responsibilities and pressures a mother faces, it is a painful time for those who cannot become mothers. No matter if including them means sending them a card to let them know you are thinking of them or stopping by to be a support system, they will appreciate not being forgotten. 

Source and for more information, please read more at: https://resolve.org/support/for-friends-and-family/

Good Bye Mom Guilt - Hello Mental Health

Having the job of a mom, mommy or mama comes with many mixed emotions and responsibility. Your cute kiddies can bring you lots of love, connection and joy. We all know moms always try to put their kids before themselves.

Does having kids and being a mom mean all of your wants and needs are no longer important?

We often find, in all moms- new and experienced- we carry a LOT of responsibilities. These responsibilities can come with moments that make us feel lonely, isolated or that we are simply not doing enough. 

It can become natural for mothers to fall into a cycle of carrying the weight of what feels like the world on their shoulders and neglecting themselves in the process. It is also common for moms to question their ability to be a good mother. We have all heard those intrusive thoughts, just constantly asking yourself if you are doing it all wrong? Does that seem familiar? 

Mom guilt is that feeling.

The feelings of anxiousness, doubt, or worry that you may be falling short of your expectations in some way. The symptoms of mom guilt can be extensive, last for a long time, and can be intense and intrusive in nature. Sometimes you may even feel like nothing you do is right and you may discount your accomplishments.

This leads you to believe that you cannot do anything right and then this is where we struggle. No one is perfect and therefore, we cannot expect every mom to be either. You will make mistakes, you may not succeed in everything you try to accomplish, but this I know, your kids love you. Even when you feel like you may be falling short, kids are resilient and are often able to work through their problems with the help of empathy and mutual respect. 

So, what does that mean for you, as a mom?

You may not feel like you’re being a perfect mom. The reality is, you’re probably not. Mom imperfections are NORMAL. I do not know a single person who can complete multiple jobs and balance multiple tasks, all while making zero mistakes… Do you? 

Your perception of what a “good mom” or a “perfect mom” is, comes from a thought usually not created by you. It is a construct that you have been passed down by society, your mother, your husband, or maybe even the book we read to better prepare ourselves for motherhood. The fault here is that mothers do not need to be perfect. In fact, they need to be imperfect.

Responding to your mistakes, repairing things that you have broken, and addressing your flaws as a human can also aid in building your child's ability to overcome obstacles and tackle tricky interpersonal situations. 

Your child’s psychosocial health actually benefits from your imperfections. If you were perfect, your child would not have the opportunity to learn how to learn from mistakes, apologize, forgive, love, or be HUMAN. 

So, here is your reminder: You are doing great, even when you feel that you are not doing your best. 

Hello May, We Are Here for Mental Health Awareness Month

The first week of May is considered National Screen-free week.

This is an initiative to reduce our screen time and get outside. Being outside has a ton of health benefits from decreasing depression to increasing cognitive functioning. But, with the infamous year of 2020, screen time is now simply inevitable. 

Social media has become our source of social interaction and support. Zoom and Microsoft teams have been the new source for education. Doxy.me has become our healthcare provider. We can grocery shop from our phone. Children now chat with their friends in virtual hang-outs through video games like Roblocks and Among us. Screen time is inevitable and there is no reason for us to hold ourselves to this impossible expectation of unplugging completely.

Let’s try to be realistic and do our best to unplug when we can, but appreciate our new ability to plug in when we need to. 

May is mental health awareness month!

This is a month that is close to our heart. Mental health diagnoses are often suffered silently. The stigma around mental health is slowly dying down but is not gone by any means. The generations before us made talking about mental health extremely difficult, adding labels and subconscious judgement to mental illness.

This month is a time to reflect on the fact that approximately 1 in 5 of us will be diagnosed with a mental health disorder in our lifetime… and that is OKAY!

The new generation is breaking glass ceilings and tearing down walls of stigma to prioritize mental health as an important factor in our overall well being.

We like to consider therapy to be just as important as working out in the gym (except you are working out your brain). Before you begin a workout journey, you are going to need to understand the skills, the safety, and your starting point for reference. Those same rules and concepts can apply to therapy: we can equip you with the skills and tools you will need, so you can then succeed without us! 

Finally, May is for all the Moms!

With Mother’s day rounding the corner, we can take some time this month to dedicate ourselves to showing appreciation for all the moms out there. This month we will talk about mom guilt- what that may look like and how to overcome it, the imperfections of motherhood, and moms that may not be having the easiest journey to motherhood, whether that be IVF, fostering, or adoption. Modern medicine has given us the ability to combat infertility, though that does not make the journey any easier for those who are struggling with it.

Motherhood can be both exciting and terrifying, as there is so much unknown that comes with it. Taking the time to appreciate women for making the ultimate sacrifice to their bodies, minds, and social life, is simply the least we can do. 

We also want to acknowledge the moms who have lost babies, too. Whether it be before or after they were born, we want you to remind yourself that you matter. You are worthy of love and respect. You are still a mother. 

Mindfulness for Everybody - A Therapy Approach

Participating in “Mindfulness” is probably something the internet has told you to do a thousand times.

But, it is often hard to participate when we either don’t understand or don’t know how. So, what exactly is it?

The answer to that question can come in many forms. Being mindful about a situation is the process of entering the state of consciousness or awareness of something. Learning to be mindful means we can first focus on that awareness and direct it toward our present moment and simultaneously acknowledge and accept one’s own thoughts and feelings in a therapeutic way. 

Mindfulness comes in many forms the most common one being meditation.

The misconception of meditation is that it has to be something you do alone, in a quiet place, where you have to be still and have zero thoughts. I don't know about you but that just may not be an option.

The good news is, there are so many other options for us to utilize being mindful without the absence of all internal thought. 

Movement meditation is the first idea that may come to mind. Understanding our bodies' physical limitations can help us determine our mental limitations as well. This can look like yoga, running, mindful walking, or even dancing. Anything that allows us to be in the present moment, giving our bodies’ the love, appreciation, and attention it needs, can be a form of meditation. 

Mindfulness meditation is the form of meditation mentioned above. You can use this by finding a place where you can remain sitting, alone, in a quiet place, listening to your breath and pushing away intrusive thoughts. Mindfulness meditation will take hours of practice and you may not be able to do this on your first try. Being forgiving toward your thoughts and being patient with yourself are going to be common themes while practicing this type of meditation. 

Guided meditation may be a better fit for you if mindful meditation sounds too difficult or daunting. This type of meditation takes some of the pressure off of you, allowing you to relax and find peace and calm within someone else’s words or guidance. These practices can be short or long, they can aid in sleep, self-esteem, or even alertness for the day ahead. 

Visualization is the process of picturing your thoughts and intentions under a positive light in your mind's eye. Visualization can help you project the things you want to accomplish into the universe, similar to an affirmation. Sometimes, taking the time to visualize a phrase, goal, or intention can help you identify the goals you are truly working towards more clearly. 

Mantra meditation works to occupy your mind with repetition of sounds and phrases, often an affirmation or intention, clearing your mind of its typical internal dialogue. This works by picking a daily mantra, short or long, and either silently or aloud repeating it to yourself for a set period of time. An example of a mantra could be “I am present.” 

Building positive mindfulness skills can increase our situational awareness, help regulate our emotions, and learn to accept our thoughts and feelings more accurately. 

Our Therapists Share Thoughts On Overcoming Anxiety

Anxiety and depression oftentimes coexistent. When someone is experiencing one, it is common for them to also be experiencing the other. Last week, we talked about how to support your family member, loved one, or friend who is experiencing depression, this week we will reflect on the importance on how to continue to provide support when a loved one is feeling anxious as well! 

Let’s start with the basics, what is anxiety? 

Anxiety is the consistent and persistent feeling of worry and fear for everyday events and tasks. Anxiety is normal, and we all experience it to some extent under certain circumstances, like public speaking or looking over the edge of a tall building. Anxiety becomes problematic when it interferes with our ability to engage in daily living. This means it becomes difficult for someone to go grocery shopping or interact with a friend or coworker. 

What can you do to provide support for someone dealing with this? 

Understand that the fear is real.

It may be hard to understand or conceptualize, right? Why is it such a big deal to go to the store or hang out with a friend? It becomes easy to minimize their fear and worry, simply because you are rationalizing it. Ultimately, this fear is entirely real and the way you are seeing the situation is simply not the same as the person who is anxious. Empathizing with their fears and helping them find accommodations to this worry that can be fitting for their lives is a great way to show your support to them. 

Try your best to listen and be a safe space for them to express their fears.

Rather than telling them to calm down when you see someone getting upset about their own anxiety, try to remember it’s not personal. Getting upset with them and brushing off their fears can disrupt the trust you have built together. Listening to their worries may, not only be a way for you to connect with them, it could be a way for you to fully understand what they are going through internally, making it easier to talk them down when they are overwhelmed. 

Helping them practice mindfulness and deep breathing. 

Deep breathing is so important for someone with anxiety. When the anxious feelings become too difficult to handle, it could potentially lead to an anxiety attack which consists of racing heartbeat, intense fear, hyperventilation, and other unpleasant symptoms. Taking a moment to slow down, take some deep breaths and help your person ground themselves can take that intense panic away.  Giving them a hug can also help them feel safe and secure in their moment of weakness. 

Overall, trying to remember that everyone has different perspectives is the main goal. Every single brain works a little bit different than yours and having the ability to be empathetic, even when you cannot understand it, is a skill that takes time to develop.  Let your loved one know that you are working too and hopefully, together, you  can support each other on the long road to decreasing stigmatization and feeling better overall.

4 Ways to Start Your Self-Love Routine and Your Mental Health

What is love and how do you show it? The great Pooh Bear once told Piglet, “you do not spell love, you feel it.” We would agree with him.

Love lives in all areas in our life, from friendships, to relationships, friendships that become relationships, to self love, to the LGBTQ+ community, and also to understanding asexuality and what that kind of love looks like (spoiler alert, it’s different for everyone).

Ultimately, love will come and go through relationships and friendships but there is always one place you should be able to find it: within yourself.

Self love is the only kind of love that comes from a place within your heart and can express it in a multitude of ways. 

So what are some ways to begin practicing self-love?

1. Know that you deserve it: make sure your mindset is open and ready to make a commitment to yourself. Changing your perspective and outlook is the first step towards improving your self-love routine.

2. Make a list of things you love (make sure to include things you can do on your own, for you and by you). Some great examples are: writing, coloring, listening to music, playing an instrument, cooking, baking, being outside, walking, jogging, meditation, yoga, eating in the present moment and hydrating.

3. Create a schedule of what you would like to start with. All you need is one activity to start, try that for a week or 2. As it becomes a self-love routine, you will be able to add more self-love into your life.

4. Be in the moment: make sure to stay in the present moment and check in with how you are feeling about loving on yourself. This happiness, confidence and freedom can help give you a boost of positivity. It will also help you remember why your self-love routine is important to you.

Remember that self-love is a practice and is not easy for most of us to do (let’s face it, we can all use some more self-love in our lives). Be gentle with yourself, start where you are at and after about 3 months or so, self-love can become a routine.

Our Counselors Send All New Mommies Love

The things we “forget” to talk about as new moms:

Moms have a lot on their plate and soon-to-be moms are no exception. There are a lot of things that we just don’t talk about when it comes to motherhood, pregnancy, and childbirth. But, why? Why is it so difficult for us to have conversations about these things? Where are these unwritten rules that we should let a mother figure this all out on her own?

It is important to expend all of our efforts in helping every mother be the best version of themselves. After all, this new journey is no walk in the park. Being a mom is hard work and the more help you get, the better off you, your mental health, and your baby will be.

Here are important concepts moms wish they would have known before they became pregnant:

Postpartum Depression and Anxiety are real and are not Baby Blues.

Research is now proving that if you have untreated depression or anxiety or a predisposition to depression or anxiety to seek therapy as a precaution. The chances of depression or anxiety returning during your prenatal or postpartum stages are high. Make sure you are in touch with your thoughts and recognize that feelings of sadness, guilt, loneliness and fatigue are related to depression. As well as thoughts related to past negative events and loss of pleasure in things you would typically enjoy. Also, be attentive to negative what if scenario thoughts related to parenting and motherhood. Feelings of extreme fear, worry or panic are also a red flag.

Your body will never be the same.

One new mom stated, “you look at yourself in the mirror one day and you are a normal woman, the next day you are growing a human being inside you. Then, you’re a mother with stretch marks and saggy skin. I know it’s a beautiful and incredible thing, but I wish looking myself in the mirror to tell myself ‘It’s okay. It will all be okay.’ was something someone could have prepared me for. No matter how strong you are, it is something that is a true battle.”

Some women struggle with self-image, others struggle with loneliness, being left alone for significant amounts of time with the baby when their significant other goes back to work. It is important to know that these feelings are normal. It is important to know you are not alone and other people go through these feelings.

It is easy to lose touch with your significant other.

All of a sudden the dynamic changes. No more late-nights and parties, all of a sudden your whole world revolves around a baby. Your significant other now sees you in a way they never have before, having to help you go to the bathroom and having leaky breasts. These are not things either of you have experienced so it’s normal to want to push them away or reevaluate the dynamic you once had. It’s important to give yourselves time as a couple to reconnect and find time to remember why you fell in love in the first place.

Taking time for yourselves does not make you a bad parent, it allows you to keep a healthy relationship and loving environment for your new addition.

Even though you may have heard about these things before you experience them, you still may not be prepared when the time comes. Talking about it can help you better prepare for the changes you are about to encounter. Mama, you are never alone.

Infertility Does Not Define You - A Therapy Perspective

1 in 8 couples will have trouble conceiving a baby, that means 1 in 8 of your family members and friend group. That is too many people to even count, yet why do we feel all alone when we can not grow our family? Instead of talking, sharing and learning to empower each other we create guilt, fear and shame that does not allow us to grow. Infertility does not have to define you or hold you back, your worth is not based on your ability to have a baby.

So what is infertility?

According to the Office of Women’s Health, for women under the age of 35, infertility is defined by not being able to get pregnant after one year of trying. If you are over the age of 35, it is categorized by 6 months of trying. In the United Sates, about 10% of women between the ages of 15-44 have difficulty getting pregnant or staying pregnant according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention.

Here are some common Misconceptions about infertility:

It is the woman’s fault.

This is not always the case. In fact, about 1/3 of infertility cases are due to maternal factors and 1/3 are due to paternal factors. The other third of problems regarding infertility are unknown or caused by a mixture of both.

Most people can conceive whenever they want.

In fact, according to the Fertility Specialist Medical group, it is normal for even two perfectly healthy, fertile people to try for a few months to get pregnant. Over five million Americans of child bearing age have some sort of issues with fertility in their lifetime.

Infertility means you cannot have a child.

Infertility only means that you have been unsuccessful in conceiving a child naturally after one year of trying. In today’s society, with the help of modern medicine, the majority of people who seek help and are given the proper treatment do go on the have children.

Now, because infertility is typically a private thing, you may not know that your sister, cousin, friend, brother, aunt, uncle, niece or nephew is struggling with the stress of not being able to conceive. Therefore, it is important that we stay impartial to those who may be having a hard time.

There is no reason to place stress on couples to grow their family.

Questions like, “So, when should we be expecting a new member?” or “You’ve been together for a while, why haven’t you gotten pregnant yet?” can be extremely painful questions.

Parenthood is a transition into adult life for men and women individually, as well as a couple. Being unable to have a child can lead to serious negative emotions like anxiety, depression, and anger which can ultimately lead into marital problems and social isolation.

Couples that are going through this may feel burdened by the ideas of stigmatization and diminishing self-esteem. This is why empathy is so important.

If someone you know reaches out to you about their struggles with infertility, here are a few things you should NOT do:

Offer recommendations.

Unless you are an expert on the subject, chances are you will offer the same advice google did, which can be extremely stressful and redundant. Sometimes offering an ear is the best you can do.

Be overly expressive about your own pregnancy.

Although it is great for you to be excited for yourself, this is sensitive for others. If you know someone who is dealing with this, it may be difficult for you to share your good news with them. If they are your friend, you can still tell them, just in a more sensitive manner. Instead of bursting with joy over the phone, maybe reach out over dinner and casually let them know, including the fact that you do not want to upset them but rather keep them in the loop.

Be dismissive.

Saying things like “It will work itself out.” Or “You’re still so young!” can make someone feel as though their feelings are inadequate. Instead, offer support and let them know you are around to help if they ever need it.

Just remember, you don’t always know what is going on behind closed doors. You don’t always know what people are battling. Be cautious with what you say to couples who do not have children (or are trying for a second) and try to just listen.

You Are Mom Enough - Our Therapist Shares Her Journey with Infertility

Mother's Day is a loving holiday in which mom's everywhere are celebrated. This year I celebrate my first with my baby boy. As much as I am all about celebrating moms in abundance, I know many women wanting, trying and hoping to become moms. For them Mother's Day is frustrating, devastating and disheartening.

This and every Mother's Day we need to celebrate all moms; not just moms who have gone through labor or have a child to kiss at night. We need to celebrate moms, who in their hearts are the definition of a mom. These heart moms know that someday their precious child will arrive and until then they just want to be included. 

Infertility is the most devastating experience I have had to endure. It tested my patience, relationships and dreams. Imagine the one thing you want most in life and not being able to have it. For me, Mother's Day was always the hardest. It made me feel like an outsider and I questioned if I would ever be a mom. 

By coming together, supporting one another and including every mom this Mother's Day (and every Mother's Day) we can all help each other feel mom enough. Heart moms want to feel love and support. A message, email, phone call or an outing can give a heart mom a great boost of hope today. It may just be one of the best Mother's Day gifts, from one mom to another. 

Our Therapists Mom Journey: March Momness

The final four weeks of my maternity leave were anything but a Sweet 16. My baby boy began teething, my breast pump broke, I was nervous about leaving him with his nanny and I questioned how to keep my business growing. The anticipation of my first week back was overwhelming, I knew March would be tough.

Going back to work for the first time as a mompreneur has been a tremendous experience. I did not expect to miss my job as much as I did. I am now part of an elite team of women. A team composed of hardworking moms, who are not afraid of a little spit up on their work shirt and want to be able to juggle it all. Trust me, I am still in awe that I am a mompreneur. 

It seems like just yesterday, I was devastated and questioned if I would ever even have the chance to become a mom. I struggled with infertility for years. I tried countless medicines, treatments and exercises. All lead to only more frustration and disappointment. I finally was ready to try IVF, it was our last hope. My husband and I went to our first appointment. I told the doctor about a new medicine that I had been prescribed. I explained how the medicine caused me to feel dizzy and light headed. She said to stop taking it and as a precaution she had me take a pregnancy test.

A couple of days later I had the best phone call of my life, I found out I was pregnant with my little bundle of joy! Pregnancy was amazing. I felt wonderful, my skin was glowing and I was able to exercise just about everyday. I was ecstatic to know that I would soon be a mom. 

Fast forward to the day my son was born, almost four months ago. I had my delivery play book, I was determined to wait until the last minute for any pain medication and I was going to walk around the hospital doing laps (I am sure I would have done sprints if they approved). None of that happened, nothing went as planned.

My little boy made his all star debut two weeks early. During labor I had internal bleeding and tears, to the point that my doctor did not know where the blood was coming from. I was scared, my family was terrified and I am still physically trying to recover from the pain. I am very thankful for the support of my loving husband, parents and sister who all took care of my every need for weeks; until I could finally stand and walk without the agonizing constant, sharp pain. 

Due to the severity of my internal wounds, I am still healing. It is bizarre to think that my son is rolling over, teething and babbling for days, while I am still in pain. My plan was to take three months off my role as a therapist and return to work, just like most postpartum moms. That was an unrealistic expectation. 

I am back at work this month, as a mompreneur and I want to share how lucky I am. I earn a living doing what I love. I find my job (despite having very stressful moments) is therapeutic to me. Being a therapist, is a lifestyle. It is an enormous part of who I am and I am thankful I get to help clients in search of hope everyday. March has been a month full of new beginnings, balance and strength.